This post was inspired by a conversation I had tonight with someone who has one of these amazing kids.
Mine has been a fantastic teacher.
My 9-year-old son has been labeled 'gifted' and 'autistic,' but I've come to realize those labels really mean he's extraordinarily sensitive. And I've come to understand and massively appreciate he was born that way on purpose.
Lesson #1: people are here to experience physical life in their own way.
His natural, physical vibrational sensors are extra sensitive to smell and to sound and to visual input and to tactile objects and food (which manifests as hypoglycemia).
But he is also much more aware of how others feel. He gets vibrational cues from thoughts (of others and of himself) and he feels his response to thoughts (as feelings--- feelings are the vibrational interpretation of thoughts--) acutely.
He has the ability to read my thoughts (and others, too), and he says them out loud regularly. He doesn't do it on purpose, he just picks up on them if they're on the same vibrational wavelength he's on.
Lesson #2: Thoughts are things and they are similar to radio signals which are on different frequencies.
When anything goes awry and he feels bad in any way, he takes it very hard. However, when he feels good (which is most of the time now), he feels very, very good.
We, as parents, have had to learn to leave him alone to let him feel negative exaggerated responses. As long as we provide him with food and a safe, loving environment, we've learned to let him work it out. Because one, there's nothing we can (or should) do, and two, any amount of interference just prolongs the emotional episode.
Lesson #3: Positive expectation of others' well-being uplifts them.
He has become adept at making himself feel better. What's most wonderful about that is that he knows he is the one who has control over how he feels. And the more control he has over his feelings, the more powerful he feels.
He has a myriad of techniques to feel better. The quickest and most effective of which is to stick his head out the window of a moving car!
Lesson #4: Everyone has his own method to feel better, and there is no timeline required.
Now I understand the reason for leaving him alone with an emotional (thought)struggle: when you observe someone who's out of the vortex (feeling bad) and you try to help them, you just amplify the feeling they're having.
Lesson 5: There is nothing wrong with being out of the vortex (feeling bad). You, or they, are simply 'asking' for an improved situation more intensely, which only results in a more specific positive outcome.
Let's back up a little to give you some background about our awesome kid.
Early on we gathered that he was different in that he had a rich inner life. He wanted to be alone and he wanted to play by walking and talking to himself.
We chose a Montessori kindergarten because we thought it would give him more physical movement and tactile options with which to learn.
His teacher thought there was something wrong with him because he always wanted to have something in his mouth, like a paper clip, and he wanted to spend the day flying imaginary jets around his body. He didn't want to participate or listen to the class discussion.
But when he was tested on the subjects discussed in class, he could answer all the questions correctly.
Lesson #6: Everyone learns differently.
We had him tested for a 'gifted' school, and he scored in the 98th percentile.
We transferred him, and this school let him have a lot of freedom, which he loved. His teacher understood who he really was and that it was okay that he was different. 1st grade was very successful.
His 2nd grade teacher thought his inability to sit still and listen and do the written work on command was unacceptable. She sent him out of the room as punishment. Consequently, every day for the first 2 weeks of 2nd grade he was wandering around the school campus.
His 1st-grade teacher saw the problem and volunteered to allow him in her 1st-grade classroom as a 2nd-grader. That year he had the psychological hurdle to overcome of being a 2nd-grader in a 1st-grade classroom. He managed brilliantly. I'll have to say also, I had to first make peace with the idea of his ability to handle it.
As it so happened, that same teacher then became a third-grade teacher, and low and behold, he had her for the third year in a row.
He did fine in terms of testing, but he didn't do class work and he didn't do homework. And I began to see that he was bored.
Lesson #7: While in the vortex, ideas that occur to you are good ideas.
This year, for 4th grade, I had a wild idea to transfer him (and his twin brothers) to another school in order to shake things up. This school is an accelerated school, which means the curriculum is really at least a year or more ahead of the grade. It also meant, little did we know, that they would be given loads and loads of homework.
(I relayed this in an earlier post, but I'll repeat it here for continuity)
For the first few weeks of school, the teacher literally yelled at me because of Paris' lack of attention in class and for his absence of homework. I nodded politely, knowing any conversation with an angry person would have no good outcome.
Lesson #8: Don't give a rip about what other people think of you.
His teacher clearly thought I was shirking my responsibility to 'make' my child do his homework.
Lesson #9: You can't control other people (including your own kids)
Any amount of threat or bribery or rationalization to cajole someone into doing something is simply conditional love. "If you do this thing I will feel better." (my happiness is conditional upon your actions)
And no, you can't justify it by saying it's for the kid's happiness, because you're still asking for an outcome that will make you feel better.
Lesson #10: Make peace with what is
This is by far the most important lesson there is to learn, and is really a requirement in order to achieve any of the preceding lessons. Or anything you want, for that matter.
I made a conscious decision to stay out of it. I had been harboring plans to say things or do things to make Paris' life easier, and I had been harboring venomous thoughts toward the angry teacher, but I decided those thoughts were about taking action to solve a problem rather than changing my thoughts about it.
I decided to make peace with it. That meant I said things to myself that made me feel better about the situation. I said to myself that Paris was encountering these challenges for a reason. I realized that he was on a path that is uniquely his own. I acknowledged that he didn't need me (or even want me) to feather his nest for him.
I also realized that the teacher was learning from Paris just as I had. That thought made me very happy!
The very day after I had made that happy resolution within myself, the teacher texted us to say Paris was suddenly paying attention in class.
He began doing homework every night without prompting.
By the end of the next week he was awarded Student of the Week.
High vibration trumps low vibration. Someone who's in the vortex is more powerful than millions who are not.
My high expectation of my son's well-being became a visceral feeling to him, which influenced his true self: interested, invigorated, passionate about learning, open, happy.
I had also made a point to think appreciative thoughts about his teacher.
Lesson #11: Making lists of positive aspects about a person attracts those aspects to your every encounter.
I'm sure there are more lessons my son has taught me, and will continue to teach me.
And by the way, everything that happens in your life is an opportunity to learn.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
answer to a question
"How can I help someone "believe" or "understand" when I see that person is unable to hear the answer?
The first step is to think about her when you are not with her. Your belief in her well-being, no matter what her own perception of herself, is the uplifting fulcrum you provide. There need not be any words, because she can't hear them, but simply your unwavering understanding of what she really wants (and is hers, since you know she has asked and has therefore already created...)
The second step, when you're with her and hearing her pain is to accept and appreciate that she is where she is, and you need not FEEL the problem with her in order to make her feel understood. It's an important part of her experience. She wouldn't appreciate the improvement if she had not felt the lack of it.
When you observed her discomfort, you naturally got spat out of the vortex.
Return to the vortex. If you need to excuse yourself from the room for a moment in order to do so, then you should do so. In the vortex you KNOW she's fine. When someone is in the presence of someone who knows of their well-being, the recipient of that knowing benefits by it.
Here's the important point: The other person's well-being is assured, whether she knows it or not.
She'll be led toward her own best interest, whether she's aware of it or not. Everyone is here for the experience of physical life and for the joy of figuring it out on their own.
When people ask questions of you, they're almost ready for the answer. If they don't hear it right now, that's okay. There's no danger to them and you haven't failed.
The first step is to think about her when you are not with her. Your belief in her well-being, no matter what her own perception of herself, is the uplifting fulcrum you provide. There need not be any words, because she can't hear them, but simply your unwavering understanding of what she really wants (and is hers, since you know she has asked and has therefore already created...)
The second step, when you're with her and hearing her pain is to accept and appreciate that she is where she is, and you need not FEEL the problem with her in order to make her feel understood. It's an important part of her experience. She wouldn't appreciate the improvement if she had not felt the lack of it.
When you observed her discomfort, you naturally got spat out of the vortex.
Return to the vortex. If you need to excuse yourself from the room for a moment in order to do so, then you should do so. In the vortex you KNOW she's fine. When someone is in the presence of someone who knows of their well-being, the recipient of that knowing benefits by it.
Here's the important point: The other person's well-being is assured, whether she knows it or not.
She'll be led toward her own best interest, whether she's aware of it or not. Everyone is here for the experience of physical life and for the joy of figuring it out on their own.
When people ask questions of you, they're almost ready for the answer. If they don't hear it right now, that's okay. There's no danger to them and you haven't failed.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Readers' Questions
I have a request for you Readers.
When I have one-on-one consultations with people, the most extraordinary thing happpens.
When he or she asks the question (or poses a problem), the answer, which has been created by the questioner but isn't available to them because the asker is still on the vibration of the question, is immediately apparent to me. In other words, I relay the answer because i'm not caught up in the question. (The question and the answer are opposite vibrations).
My request is for readers to ask questions based on a real, current experiences.
The questions can be posted as comments on the blog or as messages through Facebook, or direct email (my address is listed on FB). They can be anonymous if you like.
When I have one-on-one consultations with people, the most extraordinary thing happpens.
When he or she asks the question (or poses a problem), the answer, which has been created by the questioner but isn't available to them because the asker is still on the vibration of the question, is immediately apparent to me. In other words, I relay the answer because i'm not caught up in the question. (The question and the answer are opposite vibrations).
My request is for readers to ask questions based on a real, current experiences.
The questions can be posted as comments on the blog or as messages through Facebook, or direct email (my address is listed on FB). They can be anonymous if you like.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Exercise Your Focus, Practical Applications
In response to those who requested more information on how to focus deliberately:
In Exercise Your Focus (part 1) and also in The Joy of Focus, I talked about the powerlessness of needing existing circumstances alone to focus upon in order to feel good. (" I got praise at work today," "My boyfriend sent me a card," "This show is funny," "This vacation spot makes me feel relaxed," "I lost 3 pounds," "I got a new client...")
All those thoughts are positive and wonderful and are tuning you to the vibration of who you really are. That's all very good. But what happens tomorrow?... when your boss criticizes you, or your boyfriend leaves you, or there's nothing on TV, or your vacation is over, or you gain 7 pounds, or you lose your job?
What about the rest of your day when you're filling your brain with passive, responsive thoughts.... reading or watching TV or listening to the radio or talking to someone or focusing on accomplishing a task .... Nothing wrong with any of those things. Unless it's the only way you focus.
Not to mention the powerlessness of observing circumstances that don't feel good and then staying in that state (replaying a conversation you didn't like, thinking about how to control someone else's behavior, regretting something you did....)
If you believe you need existing circumstances to observe in order to make you feel good, you will try to control circumstances. And that can't be done from a physical/action point of view.
Also, just observing circumstances and responding to them sets up a passive, not powerful, way of life.
And, as you focus on problems, regrets, irritations, you are attracting more thoughts that match those thoughts. And you're attracting more situations that match those thoughts.
In that frame of mind you are at the mercy of (seemingly) random circumstances.
Your real joy lies in the intentional direction of your thought toward appreciation (of anything or anyone) and love (you feel about anything or anyone) and fun (you have had or plan to have) and adventure (you have had or plan to have) and dreams (of future experiences) and happy memories.
Throughout your day, many times a day, when you're going to sleep, waking up, taking a shower, driving, cooking, doing the dishes, taking a walk, taking a break between clients or TV shows, sitting outside, sewing a hem, working out, waiting on hold, vacuuming, walking the dog, taking out the trash, .... or, oddly, sitting still doing nothing....
That valuable time is the time to intentionally think of something nice. Think of a fun conversation you had, or an experience that felt good, or an experience you want to have, or the current absence of pain in your body, or the reasons you like someone, or the reasons you like your house, or the reasons you like your job, or the reasons you like your relationship, or the reasons you like the book you're reading.
That little bit of intentional direction of positive thought is more powerful than any merger or any business deal or any action you could take about anything.
The way to focus deliberately (and to create your life deliberately) is outlined in the following way:
(I've said these things before, but this is a never-before outline of a day-to-day plan)
A good head start is to wake up feeling good. The only way to wake up feeling good is to go to bed feeling good.
1) When you go to bed and you are lying in your bed, focus on something to appreciate. The easiest thing is the most general, like the softness of your pillow or temperature of the room or the sound of something soothing.
And/Or, focus on something that feels good. A memory, a fantasy, a person, an event.
Or focus on words that feels good. Start with "A" and think of a good-feeling word that starts with "A". Go through the alphabet. Do any or all these things until you fall asleep.
2) Also, before you fall asleep, state an intention to remember your dreams. They're so amazing!
3) As you awaken, ask yourself if there were any dreams you remember. Regardless of the content, ask yourself how the dream felt. If it felt good, revel in it. If it felt bad, revel in the excitement of revealing it's secrets later! (make some notes if you're not sure you will remember later). If you have no memory, revel in the fact that there are no big issues to examine.
4) Stay in your bed, stretch, make yourself comfortable, and focus on appreciative thoughts for a few moments. Think of anything at all in the present moment or in your life in general that you can appreciate. In a state of appreciation, you are in the vortex. Intend to enjoy your day.
5)While you brush your teeth, listen to the sound of brushing your teeth. That moment of absense of thought atunes you to what a naturally high vibration feels like. Often the thoughts that come to you now are great-feeling thoughts. Or original ideas!
6) During your day, when something occurs that you do not like, (called 'contrast,') your immediate goal is to look at the problem from another perspective and make yourself feel better. Feel better by ignoring the unwanted circumstance, OR by telling yourself something soothing about that subject.
You will encounter something ('contrast') that spits you out of the vortex (the state of feeling good) a few times or several times or many times in one day. Don't be surprised or alarmed by this!
Making yourself feel better, either in general or about a subject in particular, is much simpler than you may imagine.
Example:
Let's say you're at work and you get a call from a crucial client who is unhappy and demanding a meeting to resolve a seemingly unresolvable issue.
That spits you out of the vortex. Of course it does! That's what 'contrast' is supposed to do!
What to do now: Tell yourself that whatever happens will benefit you. Remind yourself that you are good at what you do. Let go of any outcome. If the account goes away, it wasn't a match to you or your company. That's enough. It will be immediately replaced by a better account. If the account stays, that's fine too.
Example:
Let's say you get a flat tire on the way to work. Not only that, your cell phone is dead. You immediately feel a variety of worries:
The people gathering for the meeting you are headed to will be angry that you are late. They came from out of town and will not be here for long. You can't call to let them know.
You can't call to get the auto service to fix your tire without a phone.
You think if you miss the meeting the opportunity for their business will be gone.
You're in a skirt and high heels and you don't know how to change a tire. (No judgement, guys.)
What to do now: Tell yourself that "what is happening just is. No amount of worry will change that. Everyone will understand. If this meeting doesn't happen there will be others. Someone will eventually stop and lend me a phone. Business is not going to collapse because of one missed meeting. I'm fine. This is not such a big deal."
Just then a motorist pulls over to offer help. He changes your tire for you and you have the funniest half hour of conversation on the side of the road. You even exchange phone numbers to get together another time. You think, "What a nice guy! I'm so glad I met him. I'm so glad I got the opportunity to see what real people and real situations are like when I miss a meeting!"
Follow these basic intentions to feel good; One, after exposure to contrast, and Two, during as many quiet moments as you can make during the day.
The result will be that you feel so much better! And then the things that you attract into your life will be better and better.
In Exercise Your Focus (part 1) and also in The Joy of Focus, I talked about the powerlessness of needing existing circumstances alone to focus upon in order to feel good. (" I got praise at work today," "My boyfriend sent me a card," "This show is funny," "This vacation spot makes me feel relaxed," "I lost 3 pounds," "I got a new client...")
All those thoughts are positive and wonderful and are tuning you to the vibration of who you really are. That's all very good. But what happens tomorrow?... when your boss criticizes you, or your boyfriend leaves you, or there's nothing on TV, or your vacation is over, or you gain 7 pounds, or you lose your job?
What about the rest of your day when you're filling your brain with passive, responsive thoughts.... reading or watching TV or listening to the radio or talking to someone or focusing on accomplishing a task .... Nothing wrong with any of those things. Unless it's the only way you focus.
Not to mention the powerlessness of observing circumstances that don't feel good and then staying in that state (replaying a conversation you didn't like, thinking about how to control someone else's behavior, regretting something you did....)
If you believe you need existing circumstances to observe in order to make you feel good, you will try to control circumstances. And that can't be done from a physical/action point of view.
Also, just observing circumstances and responding to them sets up a passive, not powerful, way of life.
And, as you focus on problems, regrets, irritations, you are attracting more thoughts that match those thoughts. And you're attracting more situations that match those thoughts.
In that frame of mind you are at the mercy of (seemingly) random circumstances.
Your real joy lies in the intentional direction of your thought toward appreciation (of anything or anyone) and love (you feel about anything or anyone) and fun (you have had or plan to have) and adventure (you have had or plan to have) and dreams (of future experiences) and happy memories.
Throughout your day, many times a day, when you're going to sleep, waking up, taking a shower, driving, cooking, doing the dishes, taking a walk, taking a break between clients or TV shows, sitting outside, sewing a hem, working out, waiting on hold, vacuuming, walking the dog, taking out the trash, .... or, oddly, sitting still doing nothing....
That valuable time is the time to intentionally think of something nice. Think of a fun conversation you had, or an experience that felt good, or an experience you want to have, or the current absence of pain in your body, or the reasons you like someone, or the reasons you like your house, or the reasons you like your job, or the reasons you like your relationship, or the reasons you like the book you're reading.
That little bit of intentional direction of positive thought is more powerful than any merger or any business deal or any action you could take about anything.
The way to focus deliberately (and to create your life deliberately) is outlined in the following way:
(I've said these things before, but this is a never-before outline of a day-to-day plan)
A good head start is to wake up feeling good. The only way to wake up feeling good is to go to bed feeling good.
1) When you go to bed and you are lying in your bed, focus on something to appreciate. The easiest thing is the most general, like the softness of your pillow or temperature of the room or the sound of something soothing.
And/Or, focus on something that feels good. A memory, a fantasy, a person, an event.
Or focus on words that feels good. Start with "A" and think of a good-feeling word that starts with "A". Go through the alphabet. Do any or all these things until you fall asleep.
2) Also, before you fall asleep, state an intention to remember your dreams. They're so amazing!
3) As you awaken, ask yourself if there were any dreams you remember. Regardless of the content, ask yourself how the dream felt. If it felt good, revel in it. If it felt bad, revel in the excitement of revealing it's secrets later! (make some notes if you're not sure you will remember later). If you have no memory, revel in the fact that there are no big issues to examine.
4) Stay in your bed, stretch, make yourself comfortable, and focus on appreciative thoughts for a few moments. Think of anything at all in the present moment or in your life in general that you can appreciate. In a state of appreciation, you are in the vortex. Intend to enjoy your day.
5)While you brush your teeth, listen to the sound of brushing your teeth. That moment of absense of thought atunes you to what a naturally high vibration feels like. Often the thoughts that come to you now are great-feeling thoughts. Or original ideas!
6) During your day, when something occurs that you do not like, (called 'contrast,') your immediate goal is to look at the problem from another perspective and make yourself feel better. Feel better by ignoring the unwanted circumstance, OR by telling yourself something soothing about that subject.
You will encounter something ('contrast') that spits you out of the vortex (the state of feeling good) a few times or several times or many times in one day. Don't be surprised or alarmed by this!
Making yourself feel better, either in general or about a subject in particular, is much simpler than you may imagine.
Example:
Let's say you're at work and you get a call from a crucial client who is unhappy and demanding a meeting to resolve a seemingly unresolvable issue.
That spits you out of the vortex. Of course it does! That's what 'contrast' is supposed to do!
What to do now: Tell yourself that whatever happens will benefit you. Remind yourself that you are good at what you do. Let go of any outcome. If the account goes away, it wasn't a match to you or your company. That's enough. It will be immediately replaced by a better account. If the account stays, that's fine too.
Example:
Let's say you get a flat tire on the way to work. Not only that, your cell phone is dead. You immediately feel a variety of worries:
The people gathering for the meeting you are headed to will be angry that you are late. They came from out of town and will not be here for long. You can't call to let them know.
You can't call to get the auto service to fix your tire without a phone.
You think if you miss the meeting the opportunity for their business will be gone.
You're in a skirt and high heels and you don't know how to change a tire. (No judgement, guys.)
What to do now: Tell yourself that "what is happening just is. No amount of worry will change that. Everyone will understand. If this meeting doesn't happen there will be others. Someone will eventually stop and lend me a phone. Business is not going to collapse because of one missed meeting. I'm fine. This is not such a big deal."
Just then a motorist pulls over to offer help. He changes your tire for you and you have the funniest half hour of conversation on the side of the road. You even exchange phone numbers to get together another time. You think, "What a nice guy! I'm so glad I met him. I'm so glad I got the opportunity to see what real people and real situations are like when I miss a meeting!"
Follow these basic intentions to feel good; One, after exposure to contrast, and Two, during as many quiet moments as you can make during the day.
The result will be that you feel so much better! And then the things that you attract into your life will be better and better.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
The Joy of Focus
I've had a surprisingly enlightening and beneficial experience I'd like to share with you.
I had a dream that a huge rattlesnake was about to bite my face and I was paralyzed with fright and unable to move away.
I awoke with vivid feelings of utter powerlessness.
What on earth? I can't believe I have anything close to powerless feelings in my life, let alone powerless feelings that were repetitive enough to manifest in a dream.
I thought about my recent emotional life and could admit that I hadn't been feeling great for the last couple of weeks. Great is how I normally feel, so "not great" is quite a departure for me.
I could pinpoint a sense of boredom, which, any way you slice it, is out of the vortex. But that's not powerlessness...
I noticed I had been filling my days with seemingly enjoyable activities: hiking while listening to seminars on my iPod, cleaning house while listening to seminars on my iPod, watching uplifting TV like Ellen and Funniest Home Videos, but also "interesting" TV, like Real Housewives and Project Runway which have lots of stress and drama, also time was spent reading fun, humorous books.
Why, while I was doing all these things I enjoyed did I end up feeling powerless?
Because I had left out time for intentional thought, and by doing so I had relinquished my power.
During that 2 weeks, I found myself feeling "not good" repeatedly. Since I'm so accustomed to feeling good, feeling "not good" feels absolutely awful to me.
I had begun to question my current ability to focus myself into feeling good. Because, one, I had been relying on (relinquishing my power to) things to see and hear and experience to feel good, and two, I didn't feel so good.
Also, the more I felt bad, the more I noticed my seeming inability to feel good in a sustained way again which resulted in frustration, then impatience, then self-criticism.
By the way, as you keep expanding every day, by noticing things you don't want and launching new preferences, you have to keep up with that expansion. The only way to keep up with expansion is by intentional focused thoughts that make you feel good.
My time was filled with thinking passively in response to what I was hearing or seeing. I was still intending to do only those things that felt good, but I had gradually begun to rely on observing things that felt good rather than generating my own thoughts. I hadn't really noticed that the feeling that kept arising was boredom. Boredom is the outside the vortex. (see the Vibrational Scale)
And because I'm a bit of an overachiever, I was kicking my own ass for being outside the vortex. That's a surefire way to make it impossible to get back in.
What I love is that if you ignore a negative emotion, over time it will get bigger until you can't help but notice it.
It wasn't until I had a petrifying dream of complete powerlessness that I noticed the pattern of relinquishing control of directed thought, boredom, discomfort, more discomfort...
That dream was such a gift. Thank you for telling me that I had slipped into a pattern of being led by the nose by things I was observing, then becoming self-critical and powerless over how I was feeling!
I had decided I would stop watching TV or reading or listening to tapes every hour in order to do something quiet for the next hour to exercise my thoughts toward appreciation and love and passion and wonder and desires.
Then something wonderful happened. As soon as I made that decision, the cable went out. For two days I was in a blissful state. I still read for an hour here or there, I still listened to tapes for a little while here and there, but for the majority of the time I got to get reacquainted with the power and thrill of my own thoughts.
I had a dream that a huge rattlesnake was about to bite my face and I was paralyzed with fright and unable to move away.
I awoke with vivid feelings of utter powerlessness.
What on earth? I can't believe I have anything close to powerless feelings in my life, let alone powerless feelings that were repetitive enough to manifest in a dream.
I thought about my recent emotional life and could admit that I hadn't been feeling great for the last couple of weeks. Great is how I normally feel, so "not great" is quite a departure for me.
I could pinpoint a sense of boredom, which, any way you slice it, is out of the vortex. But that's not powerlessness...
I noticed I had been filling my days with seemingly enjoyable activities: hiking while listening to seminars on my iPod, cleaning house while listening to seminars on my iPod, watching uplifting TV like Ellen and Funniest Home Videos, but also "interesting" TV, like Real Housewives and Project Runway which have lots of stress and drama, also time was spent reading fun, humorous books.
Why, while I was doing all these things I enjoyed did I end up feeling powerless?
Because I had left out time for intentional thought, and by doing so I had relinquished my power.
During that 2 weeks, I found myself feeling "not good" repeatedly. Since I'm so accustomed to feeling good, feeling "not good" feels absolutely awful to me.
I had begun to question my current ability to focus myself into feeling good. Because, one, I had been relying on (relinquishing my power to) things to see and hear and experience to feel good, and two, I didn't feel so good.
Also, the more I felt bad, the more I noticed my seeming inability to feel good in a sustained way again which resulted in frustration, then impatience, then self-criticism.
By the way, as you keep expanding every day, by noticing things you don't want and launching new preferences, you have to keep up with that expansion. The only way to keep up with expansion is by intentional focused thoughts that make you feel good.
My time was filled with thinking passively in response to what I was hearing or seeing. I was still intending to do only those things that felt good, but I had gradually begun to rely on observing things that felt good rather than generating my own thoughts. I hadn't really noticed that the feeling that kept arising was boredom. Boredom is the outside the vortex. (see the Vibrational Scale)
And because I'm a bit of an overachiever, I was kicking my own ass for being outside the vortex. That's a surefire way to make it impossible to get back in.
What I love is that if you ignore a negative emotion, over time it will get bigger until you can't help but notice it.
It wasn't until I had a petrifying dream of complete powerlessness that I noticed the pattern of relinquishing control of directed thought, boredom, discomfort, more discomfort...
That dream was such a gift. Thank you for telling me that I had slipped into a pattern of being led by the nose by things I was observing, then becoming self-critical and powerless over how I was feeling!
I had decided I would stop watching TV or reading or listening to tapes every hour in order to do something quiet for the next hour to exercise my thoughts toward appreciation and love and passion and wonder and desires.
Then something wonderful happened. As soon as I made that decision, the cable went out. For two days I was in a blissful state. I still read for an hour here or there, I still listened to tapes for a little while here and there, but for the majority of the time I got to get reacquainted with the power and thrill of my own thoughts.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
"adults don't have fun"
My 8-yr-old-son said that his classroom today was talking about parents.
He said, "My mom is 46 (his brother yelled, "no, 48!" Actually 49, but who's counting?), but she looks 27."
I believe what he means is that I feel 27 to him. He had told me on more than one occasion that if he has a choice, he'd rather not be a grownup because they don't have fun anymore.(except for me)
His oldest brother is 27, and he equates that age with playfulness and silliness and presence in the moment that grumpy grownups don't have.
If I have truly taught him that joy is a choice, I'm complimented beyond measure.
If I teach him nothing else, I'll be satisfied.
He said, "My mom is 46 (his brother yelled, "no, 48!" Actually 49, but who's counting?), but she looks 27."
I believe what he means is that I feel 27 to him. He had told me on more than one occasion that if he has a choice, he'd rather not be a grownup because they don't have fun anymore.(except for me)
His oldest brother is 27, and he equates that age with playfulness and silliness and presence in the moment that grumpy grownups don't have.
If I have truly taught him that joy is a choice, I'm complimented beyond measure.
If I teach him nothing else, I'll be satisfied.
You Create Your Own Reality
You, as a physical expression of non-physical energy, are a perceiving machine. You are a sensory interpreter of vibration. And everything is vibration.
You observe, then interpret, meaning you have a thought about it and a feeling response to the thought. The feeling response feels either good or less than good. If it feels not good, you have automatically and subconsciously 'asked' for improvement. In that same moment, the very improvement you want has been vibrationally created.
Whether it's an improved relationship, more money, a circumstance, it now exists vibrationally. Everything that currently exists was vibrational first.
The thing you just created by your 'asking' is you creating your own reality.
The question is, will you allow your new creation to become a physical, seeable, touchable, spendable addition to your reality?
Here's the thing that prevents you from receiving that creation:
You think the unwanted circumstance determines how you feel.
Whenever you observe something you do not want (or the absence of something you do want) you are always knocked out of the vortex. (see the Vibrational Scale) That is the natural function of your physical sensory interpreting machine that is you in physical form.
Your job then is to make yourself feel better.
As you go through your day, you observe, get knocked out of the vortex, make yourself feel better; observe, get knocked out, make yourself feel better; observe, get knocked out, make yourself feel better.
As you exercise that focusing muscle, it gets easier and easier and easier to do. It is deceptively easy. All you really have to do is stop focusing on what you don't want, or on the absence of what you do want.
Most people believe that the circumstance is responsible for making them feel bad, therefore the circumstance must change.
It is NOT the circumstance that is making you continue to feel bad, it is the fact that you feel bad that is making you feel bad.
Hear this: In continuing to feel bad about something, you are literally splitting the vibration within you. What you have created is vibrationally a match to who you now have expanded to become, and your attention to the unwanted circumstance is a very different frequency than the one you just created. There is a physical sensation within your body that feels in a range from uncomfortable all the way to painful: That sensation is negative emotion.
When you redirect your attention to a thought that makes you feel a little better; you have focused on a thought that is on a higher vibration, and therefore moving toward the higher vibration of your new creation.
You feel a sense of relief. You've lessened the vibrational rift within you and you have opened the gate to allow that new creation to show up in your life.
That is creating your own reality.
ANY intentional movement toward your new creation is where all your creative power lies.
You observe, then interpret, meaning you have a thought about it and a feeling response to the thought. The feeling response feels either good or less than good. If it feels not good, you have automatically and subconsciously 'asked' for improvement. In that same moment, the very improvement you want has been vibrationally created.
Whether it's an improved relationship, more money, a circumstance, it now exists vibrationally. Everything that currently exists was vibrational first.
The thing you just created by your 'asking' is you creating your own reality.
The question is, will you allow your new creation to become a physical, seeable, touchable, spendable addition to your reality?
Here's the thing that prevents you from receiving that creation:
You think the unwanted circumstance determines how you feel.
Whenever you observe something you do not want (or the absence of something you do want) you are always knocked out of the vortex. (see the Vibrational Scale) That is the natural function of your physical sensory interpreting machine that is you in physical form.
Your job then is to make yourself feel better.
As you go through your day, you observe, get knocked out of the vortex, make yourself feel better; observe, get knocked out, make yourself feel better; observe, get knocked out, make yourself feel better.
As you exercise that focusing muscle, it gets easier and easier and easier to do. It is deceptively easy. All you really have to do is stop focusing on what you don't want, or on the absence of what you do want.
Most people believe that the circumstance is responsible for making them feel bad, therefore the circumstance must change.
It is NOT the circumstance that is making you continue to feel bad, it is the fact that you feel bad that is making you feel bad.
Hear this: In continuing to feel bad about something, you are literally splitting the vibration within you. What you have created is vibrationally a match to who you now have expanded to become, and your attention to the unwanted circumstance is a very different frequency than the one you just created. There is a physical sensation within your body that feels in a range from uncomfortable all the way to painful: That sensation is negative emotion.
When you redirect your attention to a thought that makes you feel a little better; you have focused on a thought that is on a higher vibration, and therefore moving toward the higher vibration of your new creation.
You feel a sense of relief. You've lessened the vibrational rift within you and you have opened the gate to allow that new creation to show up in your life.
That is creating your own reality.
ANY intentional movement toward your new creation is where all your creative power lies.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Permission to Act When You are Ready
Any action taken while out of the vortex is counterproductive.
However, any decision you make can be the right decision if you make yourself feel good about the decision (getting in the vortex on that subject).
Here's an example:
When I was offered the chance to get to know my friend's horse in order to take care of the horse while my friend is on vacation, I was in the vortex and I accepted the offer with enthusiasm.
I'm an accomplished rider and have had the opportunity to ride hundreds of horses. Riding had become thought-less, instinctive, easy, exhilarating.
This horse offered unique challenges that required focus on physical alignment I was not familiar with. And many wonderful, expanding lessons!
One day I went to my lesson while feeling physically limited (another post about that!). I had had about 2 hours of sleep the night before and felt slightly unwell. Meaning out of the vortex.
I spent the lesson focusing on my lumbar spine and the horse's lumbar spine and my latissimus dorsi and vertical planes and level shoulders and inflated ribcage and placement of her right hind in relation to my right shoulder.... I got lost in feelings of confusion and pessimism then doubt then anger then inadequacy. All. The. Way. Down. The. Vibrational. Scale.
Joni, in her natural way of being, lured me back up. But I had a slippery hold on confidence.
During the intervening week, I had a feeling of dread about the next lesson. I didn't want to feel that bad again. And I didn't want to piss the horse off.
The night before my next lesson, I got a headache (which never happens!) and I awoke in the middle of the night feeling fitful and uncomfortable. I knew it was because I was feeling obligation to go to the lesson, and fear of things I felt I couldn't control.
I told myself that I would postpone the lesson if I could not get myself back into the vortex by morning. I knew that going forward with action while out of the vortex is counterproductive.
That decision got me off the hook in terms of time. I knew I could make myself feel better, but I had been feeling the pressure of time to get it done.
Small relief.
While lying awake in bed, I knew I was dealing with the bottom of the scale. Powerlessnes, inadequacy, worthiness.
I worked myself back up the scale; getting mad, then overwhelmed, then frustrated, then hopeful, then appreciative.
It only takes a few minutes for me because I am incredibly motivated and also very well-practiced with the scale.
I realized that trying to control the situation was knocking me out of the vortex, which in turn made communication with the horse impossible.
My doubt became her doubt, her confusion became my confusion, my insecurity became her insecurity.
After working up the scale the night before, during the drive to her house I made sure I was in the vortex by appreciating the drive and the weather and my husband.... Then I thought about the lesson. I established my intention: To ride in the vortex. (As a result I would ride with confidence and connection.)
I imagined that connection and how it felt.
During the ride, I focused on faith in myself, relaxation, expectation of connection, expectation of benefitting from the experience, and release of control.
The result was the ride felt amazing. It felt connected. I didn't try to make it happen. The horse responded with surprising ease. When she feel out of sync I could bring myself back easliy and she responded.
Here's the point about making decisions.
A decision made (and action taken) while in the vortex is the right decision.
A decision made out of obligation or out of a need to feel better or in spite of negative emotion will simply exaggerate the negative emotion.
If I had gone ahead with the lesson without making myself feel better first, the lesson would have made me feel even more powerless.
However, if I had not made myself feel better and declined the lesson for that day, I would have congratulated myself on recognizing the importance of lining up energy first.
However, any decision you make can be the right decision if you make yourself feel good about the decision (getting in the vortex on that subject).
Here's an example:
When I was offered the chance to get to know my friend's horse in order to take care of the horse while my friend is on vacation, I was in the vortex and I accepted the offer with enthusiasm.
I'm an accomplished rider and have had the opportunity to ride hundreds of horses. Riding had become thought-less, instinctive, easy, exhilarating.
This horse offered unique challenges that required focus on physical alignment I was not familiar with. And many wonderful, expanding lessons!
One day I went to my lesson while feeling physically limited (another post about that!). I had had about 2 hours of sleep the night before and felt slightly unwell. Meaning out of the vortex.
I spent the lesson focusing on my lumbar spine and the horse's lumbar spine and my latissimus dorsi and vertical planes and level shoulders and inflated ribcage and placement of her right hind in relation to my right shoulder.... I got lost in feelings of confusion and pessimism then doubt then anger then inadequacy. All. The. Way. Down. The. Vibrational. Scale.
Joni, in her natural way of being, lured me back up. But I had a slippery hold on confidence.
During the intervening week, I had a feeling of dread about the next lesson. I didn't want to feel that bad again. And I didn't want to piss the horse off.
The night before my next lesson, I got a headache (which never happens!) and I awoke in the middle of the night feeling fitful and uncomfortable. I knew it was because I was feeling obligation to go to the lesson, and fear of things I felt I couldn't control.
I told myself that I would postpone the lesson if I could not get myself back into the vortex by morning. I knew that going forward with action while out of the vortex is counterproductive.
That decision got me off the hook in terms of time. I knew I could make myself feel better, but I had been feeling the pressure of time to get it done.
Small relief.
While lying awake in bed, I knew I was dealing with the bottom of the scale. Powerlessnes, inadequacy, worthiness.
I worked myself back up the scale; getting mad, then overwhelmed, then frustrated, then hopeful, then appreciative.
It only takes a few minutes for me because I am incredibly motivated and also very well-practiced with the scale.
I realized that trying to control the situation was knocking me out of the vortex, which in turn made communication with the horse impossible.
My doubt became her doubt, her confusion became my confusion, my insecurity became her insecurity.
After working up the scale the night before, during the drive to her house I made sure I was in the vortex by appreciating the drive and the weather and my husband.... Then I thought about the lesson. I established my intention: To ride in the vortex. (As a result I would ride with confidence and connection.)
I imagined that connection and how it felt.
During the ride, I focused on faith in myself, relaxation, expectation of connection, expectation of benefitting from the experience, and release of control.
The result was the ride felt amazing. It felt connected. I didn't try to make it happen. The horse responded with surprising ease. When she feel out of sync I could bring myself back easliy and she responded.
Here's the point about making decisions.
A decision made (and action taken) while in the vortex is the right decision.
A decision made out of obligation or out of a need to feel better or in spite of negative emotion will simply exaggerate the negative emotion.
If I had gone ahead with the lesson without making myself feel better first, the lesson would have made me feel even more powerless.
However, if I had not made myself feel better and declined the lesson for that day, I would have congratulated myself on recognizing the importance of lining up energy first.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Exercise Your Focus
You've decided you want to feel good more than anything. You've been practicing!
You've been successful at finding things to appreciate which make you feel good.
You know when you feel good, and now, more than ever, you notice when you don't feel good.
It's time to graduate to the next level of focus.
You must learn to feel good from your thoughts alone, not just from things you are observing that feel good.
There's nothing wrong with focusing on circumstances that feel good. Keep it up. Don't stop doing that.
However, you need more than that. What happens when the circumstance changes? You can't become dependent upon what you observe, because you have no control over circumstances.
Circumstances always change, always for your benefit. (much more about that later)
But if you believe you need to have pleasant circumstances to observe in order to feel good, you will try to control those circumstances! (and we know how that turns out)
Let's illustrate an example:
You've met someone, and you're in love.
Every time you see her you feel amazing. Every time you think about her you feel so much love and appreciation. Your days are better. Your outlook is bright. You are eager. You are buoyant.
Then she breaks up with you.
You feel so much pain. You feel so sad. You feel powerless. You feel sad not just because of the current moment, but also because you believe you will continue to feel sad, and you believe you have no control over that.
Here's the truth: you feel so bad because your perception is waaay out of whack.
When you are in love, you are focused on someone in appreciation. This is a state of being that is Who You Really Are. Fantastic.
When you are in love, you are looking at yourself through her appreciative eyes. This is a state of being that is Who You Really Are. Sublime.
When you are thinking about her, you are not worrying. You're in the vortex. All is well.
When you are thinking about her, people are nicer to you. You see positive manifestations.
Not to diminish being in love in any way, and I recommend it for everyone!.... The real reason you feel so good is because you feel good about yourself, and about life in general, and about people, and about your well-being. That's what it feels like to be in the vortex.
Here's the lesson: Pay attention!: The vortex is your thoughts. Period.
Your task now is to make yourself feel good by yourself, sitting in a chair. Or standing. Or lying down. Or walking. Or driving. Whatever.
This is not meditation. Meditation is Absence of Thought. This is Brain Exercise. This is Focus.
In this task you are not accomplishing anything tangible that someone else can observe and appreciate or respond to. You are not earning money. You are not receiving positive attention. (I should say, you are not doing any of those things in a way that you can see now, but you are doing ALL those things vibrationally)
Your goal is to feel in love. Appreciative. Eager. In love with you. Limitless. In love with life. Jolly. Adventurous. Fearless. Friendly. Helpful. Energetic....
If a subject has your attention (let's stick with the loss of a girlfriend) and you are feeling a sense of powerlessness (aka: sad or self-critical, or simply without a sense of control) you will find it impossible to feel appreciation or love or eagerness or even hope on that subject.
BTW, if any subject has you feeling strong negative emotion, like powerlessness, and you ignore it, meaning you don't make yourself feel better on that subject, more and more circumstances will occur in your life that make you feel powerless.
Like a radio dial, thoughts are on different frequencies. You have no access to thoughts on a frequency that are far from the one you are on.
You also have no access to what you really want if you stay tuned to a negative frequency. (Everything that manifests in your life is a perfect vibrational match to your chronic thoughts)
The nearest upward vibration is Jealousy. Yes, Jealousy feels better than sadness. Jealousy is full of energy. Sadness and powerlessness feel devoid of energy.
If you don't feel jealous, skip it. If you do, grab it!
The frequency that is the farthest up the Scale you can leap from sadness or inadequacy or powerlessness or guilt or depression is Anger.
The trek up the vibrational scale means you feel progressively better and better as you think thoughts that feel better.
Anger feels much better than sadness. It gives you some of your power back., which feels so much better that powerlessness. Blame feels better still. Revenge is life-giving!
Keep in mind, you are by yourself. You are only thinking thoughts of anger, not acting upon them.
Think of a reason to be angry at the girl who dumped you. It doesn't matter whether it's justified or fair or particularly rational. It only matters that you actually feel angry at her or at someone related to the circumstance (NOT YOU) for a moment.
It's important to note here that anger is an improvement on thoughts of sadness, but it is not an improvement on thoughts of disappointment or pessimism, for instance. Those emotions are much higher in frequency, so anger would be going in the wrong direction on the vibrational scale.
You know that if a thought gives you a sense of relief you are headed in the right direction.
If you find a thought of anger and it feels pretty good, think of a thought of less anger, or jump up to a thought of blame if you can. Then it should be easy to find a thought of frustration. Better still.
Keep going. Contentment is a state of acceptance of the way things are, with no resistance. Making peace with what is. The farther you go up the Vibrational Scale, the less pronounced the feelings of relief, but you should still be reaching for relief. This is not pretend. These are not just words. These thoughts are actually changing how you really feel and changing your point of attraction.
Contentment to Optimism to Belief to Appreciation. You can get that far in 20 minutes. Or a week if you prefer to linger in the intoxicating juice of blame or revenge. Again, these are thoughts that benefit you if you are pulling yourself out of powerlessness. They are not plans to act upon!
When you realize you can feel good under any circumstance, you begin to get a glimpse of how powerful and limitless you really are.
As I've said before, watch what happens!
You've been successful at finding things to appreciate which make you feel good.
You know when you feel good, and now, more than ever, you notice when you don't feel good.
It's time to graduate to the next level of focus.
You must learn to feel good from your thoughts alone, not just from things you are observing that feel good.
There's nothing wrong with focusing on circumstances that feel good. Keep it up. Don't stop doing that.
However, you need more than that. What happens when the circumstance changes? You can't become dependent upon what you observe, because you have no control over circumstances.
Circumstances always change, always for your benefit. (much more about that later)
But if you believe you need to have pleasant circumstances to observe in order to feel good, you will try to control those circumstances! (and we know how that turns out)
Let's illustrate an example:
You've met someone, and you're in love.
Every time you see her you feel amazing. Every time you think about her you feel so much love and appreciation. Your days are better. Your outlook is bright. You are eager. You are buoyant.
Then she breaks up with you.
You feel so much pain. You feel so sad. You feel powerless. You feel sad not just because of the current moment, but also because you believe you will continue to feel sad, and you believe you have no control over that.
Here's the truth: you feel so bad because your perception is waaay out of whack.
When you are in love, you are focused on someone in appreciation. This is a state of being that is Who You Really Are. Fantastic.
When you are in love, you are looking at yourself through her appreciative eyes. This is a state of being that is Who You Really Are. Sublime.
When you are thinking about her, you are not worrying. You're in the vortex. All is well.
When you are thinking about her, people are nicer to you. You see positive manifestations.
Not to diminish being in love in any way, and I recommend it for everyone!.... The real reason you feel so good is because you feel good about yourself, and about life in general, and about people, and about your well-being. That's what it feels like to be in the vortex.
Here's the lesson: Pay attention!: The vortex is your thoughts. Period.
Your task now is to make yourself feel good by yourself, sitting in a chair. Or standing. Or lying down. Or walking. Or driving. Whatever.
This is not meditation. Meditation is Absence of Thought. This is Brain Exercise. This is Focus.
In this task you are not accomplishing anything tangible that someone else can observe and appreciate or respond to. You are not earning money. You are not receiving positive attention. (I should say, you are not doing any of those things in a way that you can see now, but you are doing ALL those things vibrationally)
Your goal is to feel in love. Appreciative. Eager. In love with you. Limitless. In love with life. Jolly. Adventurous. Fearless. Friendly. Helpful. Energetic....
If a subject has your attention (let's stick with the loss of a girlfriend) and you are feeling a sense of powerlessness (aka: sad or self-critical, or simply without a sense of control) you will find it impossible to feel appreciation or love or eagerness or even hope on that subject.
BTW, if any subject has you feeling strong negative emotion, like powerlessness, and you ignore it, meaning you don't make yourself feel better on that subject, more and more circumstances will occur in your life that make you feel powerless.
Like a radio dial, thoughts are on different frequencies. You have no access to thoughts on a frequency that are far from the one you are on.
You also have no access to what you really want if you stay tuned to a negative frequency. (Everything that manifests in your life is a perfect vibrational match to your chronic thoughts)
The nearest upward vibration is Jealousy. Yes, Jealousy feels better than sadness. Jealousy is full of energy. Sadness and powerlessness feel devoid of energy.
If you don't feel jealous, skip it. If you do, grab it!
The frequency that is the farthest up the Scale you can leap from sadness or inadequacy or powerlessness or guilt or depression is Anger.
The trek up the vibrational scale means you feel progressively better and better as you think thoughts that feel better.
Anger feels much better than sadness. It gives you some of your power back., which feels so much better that powerlessness. Blame feels better still. Revenge is life-giving!
Keep in mind, you are by yourself. You are only thinking thoughts of anger, not acting upon them.
Think of a reason to be angry at the girl who dumped you. It doesn't matter whether it's justified or fair or particularly rational. It only matters that you actually feel angry at her or at someone related to the circumstance (NOT YOU) for a moment.
It's important to note here that anger is an improvement on thoughts of sadness, but it is not an improvement on thoughts of disappointment or pessimism, for instance. Those emotions are much higher in frequency, so anger would be going in the wrong direction on the vibrational scale.
You know that if a thought gives you a sense of relief you are headed in the right direction.
If you find a thought of anger and it feels pretty good, think of a thought of less anger, or jump up to a thought of blame if you can. Then it should be easy to find a thought of frustration. Better still.
Keep going. Contentment is a state of acceptance of the way things are, with no resistance. Making peace with what is. The farther you go up the Vibrational Scale, the less pronounced the feelings of relief, but you should still be reaching for relief. This is not pretend. These are not just words. These thoughts are actually changing how you really feel and changing your point of attraction.
Contentment to Optimism to Belief to Appreciation. You can get that far in 20 minutes. Or a week if you prefer to linger in the intoxicating juice of blame or revenge. Again, these are thoughts that benefit you if you are pulling yourself out of powerlessness. They are not plans to act upon!
When you realize you can feel good under any circumstance, you begin to get a glimpse of how powerful and limitless you really are.
As I've said before, watch what happens!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Controlling the Uncontrollable
You can't control the uncontrollable. And everything is uncontrollable.
You try to control the behavior of your kids.
You try to control the behavior of your employees.
You try to control your mate.
You try to control how others feel about you.
You try to control your personal security.
You try to control your 'limited' resources.
You try to control your freedom.
None of those things are controllable by your worries or by your actions.
All of these things become exaggerated by your attention to them, or by your awareness of lack of control in general.
Conversely, all of these things take care of themselves when you control the only thing you can control: Your emotions.; aka; your mood, your perceptions, your state of mind.
How do you control emotions, mood, perceptions, state of mind....?
Decide you want to.
You try to control the behavior of your kids.
You try to control the behavior of your employees.
You try to control your mate.
You try to control how others feel about you.
You try to control your personal security.
You try to control your 'limited' resources.
You try to control your freedom.
None of those things are controllable by your worries or by your actions.
All of these things become exaggerated by your attention to them, or by your awareness of lack of control in general.
Conversely, all of these things take care of themselves when you control the only thing you can control: Your emotions.; aka; your mood, your perceptions, your state of mind.
How do you control emotions, mood, perceptions, state of mind....?
Decide you want to.
More Why?.... Irritation
Why should I bother adjusting such a minor, normal, frequent negative emotion like irritation?
You think:
Irritation is the fuel behind my words to others to get them to change their behavior. (see Unconditional Love, or Controlling the Uncontrollable)
Irritation is my jolt of "rightness," which makes me feel better about myself (because they are wrong, and more importantly, I am right).
Irritation is my Gatling gun of control.
Every minute of every day you are either attracting negative manifestations or positive manifestations depending upon whether you are 'in the vortex' (Hopeful or above) or 'out of the vortex', (Bored or below).
It doesn't matter how minor the negative emotion, you are still attracting negatively.
Another way to put it; What you resist persists.
But more importantly to you, you are making positive manifestations inaccessible.
Make peace with whatever irritating thing has your attention. It is what it is. You cannot control it.
Once you've made peace you can easily make yourself feel a little better about it.
That's all you have to do. (Several times a day about different subjects at first)
The payoff is: Now you feel better.
And by the way, then the irritating things magically go away.
And you feel better.
And when you consistently feel better.... watch what happens.
You think:
Irritation is the fuel behind my words to others to get them to change their behavior. (see Unconditional Love, or Controlling the Uncontrollable)
Irritation is my jolt of "rightness," which makes me feel better about myself (because they are wrong, and more importantly, I am right).
Irritation is my Gatling gun of control.
Every minute of every day you are either attracting negative manifestations or positive manifestations depending upon whether you are 'in the vortex' (Hopeful or above) or 'out of the vortex', (Bored or below).
It doesn't matter how minor the negative emotion, you are still attracting negatively.
Another way to put it; What you resist persists.
But more importantly to you, you are making positive manifestations inaccessible.
Make peace with whatever irritating thing has your attention. It is what it is. You cannot control it.
Once you've made peace you can easily make yourself feel a little better about it.
That's all you have to do. (Several times a day about different subjects at first)
The payoff is: Now you feel better.
And by the way, then the irritating things magically go away.
And you feel better.
And when you consistently feel better.... watch what happens.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Why?
Why do you want to monitor your feelings and adjust your thoughts to feel good on purpose?
Because that is what you are here for. (Actually you are here for the purpose of expansion --the inevitable result of your focus on desires -- and for joy--- the result of allowing the solution)
Every consciousness, from a single-celled amoeba to a plant to a human, encounters conditions which inspire a desire for improvement. That observance of something unwanted (called 'contrast') creates the equal and opposite solution to the problem. (There is far more to be said about how that works, but for the purpose of simplicity we'll leave it at that for now).
What you think about is what you get. What you believe is proven to you again and again.
Common disincentives to stop focusing on negative thoughts (which upon release would thereby allow positive thoughts):
(Sheesh: that sounds like a triple negative statement! In other words: Why do you keep worrying?)
1.) The negative circumstance is so compelling! It is right there. It's 'real.' You can see it and smell it and touch it... People are talking about it.
2.) Law of Attraction is bringing you thoughts and more circumstances that match the tactile reality of the unwanted situation.
3.) Everyone in your life has taught you to confront problems. Solve them. Tackle them. Overcome them. Fight against them. Avoid them. Judge yourself by them.
4.) There is excitement in fighting a problem. (a false sense of temporary power over circumstances)
Sometimes also known as: drama
5.) The lure of being 'right' is more compelling than letting it go. (lots more about that later)
6.) You don't know you can stop.
7.) You don't know you must do so if you want the joyful life you came for.
Why should I focus my thoughts to feel good?
1.) Because it feels good.
2.) Because it is who you really are. (Free and loving an creative and excited and inspiring and inspired...., as opposed to worried and fearful and guarded and critical...)
3.) Because you will receive the solutions to each and every problem.
4.) Because you will live the unlimited, expansive life you came to lead and experience, exponentially, more improvements for yourself and everyone you encounter.
5.) Because you will inspire others by your example.
6.) Because you will uplift others by your mere presence.
7.) Because it hurts not to.
Because that is what you are here for. (Actually you are here for the purpose of expansion --the inevitable result of your focus on desires -- and for joy--- the result of allowing the solution)
Every consciousness, from a single-celled amoeba to a plant to a human, encounters conditions which inspire a desire for improvement. That observance of something unwanted (called 'contrast') creates the equal and opposite solution to the problem. (There is far more to be said about how that works, but for the purpose of simplicity we'll leave it at that for now).
What you think about is what you get. What you believe is proven to you again and again.
Common disincentives to stop focusing on negative thoughts (which upon release would thereby allow positive thoughts):
(Sheesh: that sounds like a triple negative statement! In other words: Why do you keep worrying?)
1.) The negative circumstance is so compelling! It is right there. It's 'real.' You can see it and smell it and touch it... People are talking about it.
2.) Law of Attraction is bringing you thoughts and more circumstances that match the tactile reality of the unwanted situation.
3.) Everyone in your life has taught you to confront problems. Solve them. Tackle them. Overcome them. Fight against them. Avoid them. Judge yourself by them.
4.) There is excitement in fighting a problem. (a false sense of temporary power over circumstances)
Sometimes also known as: drama
5.) The lure of being 'right' is more compelling than letting it go. (lots more about that later)
6.) You don't know you can stop.
7.) You don't know you must do so if you want the joyful life you came for.
Why should I focus my thoughts to feel good?
1.) Because it feels good.
2.) Because it is who you really are. (Free and loving an creative and excited and inspiring and inspired...., as opposed to worried and fearful and guarded and critical...)
3.) Because you will receive the solutions to each and every problem.
4.) Because you will live the unlimited, expansive life you came to lead and experience, exponentially, more improvements for yourself and everyone you encounter.
5.) Because you will inspire others by your example.
6.) Because you will uplift others by your mere presence.
7.) Because it hurts not to.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Focus
A distraught person says, "My mate has left me and I am so sad." Or "My piano was repossessed, and I am so sad." Or, 'My dog died, and I am so sad."
You are not sad because you have lost something you love.
You are sad because you are a 'circumstantial' focuser.
You are sad because you rely upon circumstances to make you feel good, and you don't know how to feel good without them. It is as if you have a reliable crutch, and without the crutch you believe you will fall and suffer great pain.
I understand why you might think there is cause and effect there, but that is not so.
When you focus on your mate and feel his loving gaze, you feel wonderful.
When you focus on playing the piano and feel blissful, you credit the piano.
When you focus on your dog and feel unconditional love, you feel so good.
Pay attention to the very important and distinct difference here: It is not your mate, it is not the piano, it is not your dog that feels so good.
It is that when you are focused on those things, you are not worrying. You are being who you really are, which feels fantastic.
Your natural state of being is loving, appreciative, happy... unless you are thinking about something to worry about.
Once you learn how to stop worrying, which means letting go of the idea of controlling people or circumstances and believing in universal well-being, you are no longer at the mercy of ANY outside circumstance.
When you learn how to focus your thoughts on purpose, you will have hundreds of thoughts you can focus on that will bring you back to the natural state of who you really are in a matter of seconds. Paradoxically, when you don't need things around you to appreciate, you will then be surrounded by more and more things to appreciate.
Once you realize everything that happens is contributing to your well-being, you lose all fear, you feel eager and appreciative, and never, ever at a loss about anything.
You are not sad because you have lost something you love.
You are sad because you are a 'circumstantial' focuser.
You are sad because you rely upon circumstances to make you feel good, and you don't know how to feel good without them. It is as if you have a reliable crutch, and without the crutch you believe you will fall and suffer great pain.
I understand why you might think there is cause and effect there, but that is not so.
When you focus on your mate and feel his loving gaze, you feel wonderful.
When you focus on playing the piano and feel blissful, you credit the piano.
When you focus on your dog and feel unconditional love, you feel so good.
Pay attention to the very important and distinct difference here: It is not your mate, it is not the piano, it is not your dog that feels so good.
It is that when you are focused on those things, you are not worrying. You are being who you really are, which feels fantastic.
Your natural state of being is loving, appreciative, happy... unless you are thinking about something to worry about.
Once you learn how to stop worrying, which means letting go of the idea of controlling people or circumstances and believing in universal well-being, you are no longer at the mercy of ANY outside circumstance.
When you learn how to focus your thoughts on purpose, you will have hundreds of thoughts you can focus on that will bring you back to the natural state of who you really are in a matter of seconds. Paradoxically, when you don't need things around you to appreciate, you will then be surrounded by more and more things to appreciate.
Once you realize everything that happens is contributing to your well-being, you lose all fear, you feel eager and appreciative, and never, ever at a loss about anything.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Look for Things to Appreciate
The easiest way to follow through with your intention to feel good is to look for things to appreciate.
All day, notice and tell yourself how much you appreciate.....The weather, the smoothly moving traffic, a smiling face, a friendly exchange, a discount, a funny comment on the radio, a great song, a beautiful building, a good parking spot (or a nice walk), your healthy body, the efficient, clean elevators, the cleaners who worked last night, another smiling face, your work skills, others' skills, a delicious lunch, the light fixtures, the view out the window, an easy solution, your comfy chair, the efficiency of a transaction, a new idea, cell phones, Facebook, a fun conversation with a friend, your car, your ability to focus, your house, your kids, your mate, your pet, your dinner, a funny TV show, your pillow...
That simple, intentional directing of your thoughts will tap you in to who you really are. Who you really are is a loving, appreciative, fully-present person who radiates good will.
It will make you feel good. It will condition you to look at life differently. As you enjoy how it feels to feel good, more and more things to appreciate will show up in your life.
All day, notice and tell yourself how much you appreciate.....The weather, the smoothly moving traffic, a smiling face, a friendly exchange, a discount, a funny comment on the radio, a great song, a beautiful building, a good parking spot (or a nice walk), your healthy body, the efficient, clean elevators, the cleaners who worked last night, another smiling face, your work skills, others' skills, a delicious lunch, the light fixtures, the view out the window, an easy solution, your comfy chair, the efficiency of a transaction, a new idea, cell phones, Facebook, a fun conversation with a friend, your car, your ability to focus, your house, your kids, your mate, your pet, your dinner, a funny TV show, your pillow...
That simple, intentional directing of your thoughts will tap you in to who you really are. Who you really are is a loving, appreciative, fully-present person who radiates good will.
It will make you feel good. It will condition you to look at life differently. As you enjoy how it feels to feel good, more and more things to appreciate will show up in your life.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Practical Application, Day to Day
You are either 'in the vortex' or 'out of the vortex' in any moment.
Most people spend their days responding to what they are seeing. Some things you observe feel good, some feel bad. A typical day is spent in and out, in and out of the 'vortex' (the state of being that feels good).
For most people, the majority of time is spent out, meaning not feeling good, but you don't even realize you don't feel good because you have grown accustomed to it.
For example:
You notice the kids haven't picked up their clothes. (irritation)
You talk to your mate about a project that's not going well. (disappointment)
You talk to a colleague about a work policy neither of you likes but can't change. (pessimism)
You comiserate with a friend about her boyfriend's bad behavior. (doubt, disappointment)
You sit through a meeting you can't pay attention to. (impatience, boredom)
You noticing something you forgot to do (self-criticism).......
Stronger negative circumstances that seem to be out of your control:
Waiting in traffic (irritated, worried, or angry)
Thwarted by a colleague's ineptitude (blame)
Regretting one's own mistake (embarrassment, guilt)
Bills in the mail (worry, fear)
Watching the news (discouragement, worry, fear)
Talking about someone's cancer diagnosis. (worry, fear, powerlessness)
You now know (if you've gained some understanding of Law of Attraction) that you have control over how you feel, with a small temporary exception. When you encounter something unwanted, called 'contrast' you will be knocked out of the vortex momentarily and feel negative emotion. That negative emotion is necessary for the launching of the solution to that problem.
However, a moment is all you need. As soon as you recognize you've been knocked out of the vortex you can do these things:
1) Acknowledge that however large or small the negative circumstance, it is merely an indicator of your chronic thought. Change the thought pattern, and in time the circumstance will change.
2) Recognize that the solution to the problem is created in the moment the problem appears, and when you let go of the problem the solution will present itself.
3) Acknowledge your only job now is to get back in the vortex (make yourself feel better) by whatever easiest means you can think of. (See previous posts entitled How...1,2 and 3, or Practical Application, or Tools, or read Ask and It Is Given or The Astonishing Power of Emotions or The Power of Intention on the reading list)
When I was starting out in the practice of intentionally adjusting how I felt, I made myself a long list of options to use to make myself feel better:
At first, my most frequent go-to tactic was reading books or listening to tapes about Law of Attraction. It always made me feel good, no matter what.
Doing one of the exercises in the Abraham-Hicks books, like Moving up the Vibrational Scale, or the Focus Wheel also made me feel good.
Looking for things to appreciate, going for hikes, listening to music, petting the cat, meditating, a hot bubble bath, making lists of positive aspects ...
Another favorite, especially when driving or when going to sleep is the ABC exercise. Relax, breathe in, then think of a good-feeling word that starts with A. Appreciate. Then think of a good-feeling word that starts with B. Bliss, etc. By the time you get to N you will be on a great-feeling high.
By the way, this exercise is even more fun to do if you first bring to mind a situation in your past that felt wonderful. A sailing trip, your wedding, a prize you won, an especially fun day.... Then while you are picturing those scenes from the past, it's so easy to evoke those good feelings.
Approach your days like this:
Intend to feel good.
Notice when you don't, and adjust. No judgement, just information.
Here's the thing: Your goal is to spend 90% of your time in the vortex and 10% out.
Your life will feel amazing. Your wants and desires will fall in your lap. And during that 10% spent out (observing things you would like to be better) you are expanding, and that's good.
Most people spend their days responding to what they are seeing. Some things you observe feel good, some feel bad. A typical day is spent in and out, in and out of the 'vortex' (the state of being that feels good).
For most people, the majority of time is spent out, meaning not feeling good, but you don't even realize you don't feel good because you have grown accustomed to it.
For example:
You notice the kids haven't picked up their clothes. (irritation)
You talk to your mate about a project that's not going well. (disappointment)
You talk to a colleague about a work policy neither of you likes but can't change. (pessimism)
You comiserate with a friend about her boyfriend's bad behavior. (doubt, disappointment)
You sit through a meeting you can't pay attention to. (impatience, boredom)
You noticing something you forgot to do (self-criticism).......
Stronger negative circumstances that seem to be out of your control:
Waiting in traffic (irritated, worried, or angry)
Thwarted by a colleague's ineptitude (blame)
Regretting one's own mistake (embarrassment, guilt)
Bills in the mail (worry, fear)
Watching the news (discouragement, worry, fear)
Talking about someone's cancer diagnosis. (worry, fear, powerlessness)
You now know (if you've gained some understanding of Law of Attraction) that you have control over how you feel, with a small temporary exception. When you encounter something unwanted, called 'contrast' you will be knocked out of the vortex momentarily and feel negative emotion. That negative emotion is necessary for the launching of the solution to that problem.
However, a moment is all you need. As soon as you recognize you've been knocked out of the vortex you can do these things:
1) Acknowledge that however large or small the negative circumstance, it is merely an indicator of your chronic thought. Change the thought pattern, and in time the circumstance will change.
2) Recognize that the solution to the problem is created in the moment the problem appears, and when you let go of the problem the solution will present itself.
3) Acknowledge your only job now is to get back in the vortex (make yourself feel better) by whatever easiest means you can think of. (See previous posts entitled How...1,2 and 3, or Practical Application, or Tools, or read Ask and It Is Given or The Astonishing Power of Emotions or The Power of Intention on the reading list)
When I was starting out in the practice of intentionally adjusting how I felt, I made myself a long list of options to use to make myself feel better:
At first, my most frequent go-to tactic was reading books or listening to tapes about Law of Attraction. It always made me feel good, no matter what.
Doing one of the exercises in the Abraham-Hicks books, like Moving up the Vibrational Scale, or the Focus Wheel also made me feel good.
Looking for things to appreciate, going for hikes, listening to music, petting the cat, meditating, a hot bubble bath, making lists of positive aspects ...
Another favorite, especially when driving or when going to sleep is the ABC exercise. Relax, breathe in, then think of a good-feeling word that starts with A. Appreciate. Then think of a good-feeling word that starts with B. Bliss, etc. By the time you get to N you will be on a great-feeling high.
By the way, this exercise is even more fun to do if you first bring to mind a situation in your past that felt wonderful. A sailing trip, your wedding, a prize you won, an especially fun day.... Then while you are picturing those scenes from the past, it's so easy to evoke those good feelings.
Approach your days like this:
Intend to feel good.
Notice when you don't, and adjust. No judgement, just information.
Here's the thing: Your goal is to spend 90% of your time in the vortex and 10% out.
Your life will feel amazing. Your wants and desires will fall in your lap. And during that 10% spent out (observing things you would like to be better) you are expanding, and that's good.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Practical Application
When you have a problem that is taking your attention and making you feel strong negative emotion, like fear or worry, your impulse is to take action to solve the problem. You try to think it into submission. You try to come up with solutions. You try to come up with actions to take to prevent it from happening, or to make it go away.
All of those things you do are the result of many years of conditioning, and are a reflection of a belief in the need to control people or circumstances, and often also include a belief in scarcity.
A belief is only a thought you keep thinking.
Also, when you focus on a subject, Law of Attraction naturally delivers to you more thoughts that match, so it feels as if your thoughts have run away with you. It's true, they have.
However, when you focus on a subject of well-being or hope, Law of Attraction delivers more thoughts that feel the same, so you are then on a good-feeling rampage instead of a bad-feeling rampage.
If you decide to focus your thoughts on purpose, you can feel wonderful without changing the circumstance. And then the circumstance must change.
Let's say you have a sudden financial crisis. Money has always been a struggle, and now that a cascade of new expenses has arisen it feels even worse than ever and you can only see pain and struggle coming.
First, notice how it feels. If you are a wordophile like me, (yes I just made that up, but I like it) look at the Vibrational Scale to see if you can identify the word that comes closest to how you feel.
Otherwise, just notice how bad it feels to focus on money.
Second, back up a little bit, tell yourself something in general terms that makes you feel a little bit better. It will feel like a small sensation of relief.
For instance: "We're fine right now. We've always been fine. We do have a wonderful home. We have plenty of food. It will all work itself out. I don't have to know the answer right now."
If a statement gives you a small sense of relief, it has worked. You have shifted your point of attraction. If it feels good, keep reaching for better-feeling statements.
If you haven't felt any shift yet, keep reaching for a thought that feels a little better on the subject of money.
Once you have shifted your emotion on the subject, leave it alone. Go to other subjects that feel good.
Once you know you can make yourself feel better about a subject, and once you have made yourself feel really good by focusing on other, good-feeling subjects, you can address the money issue again and raise your positive expectation about it further and further until it becomes a non-issue for the rest of your life.
When you feel good, you are 'in the vortex,' meaning you are feeling the positive emotions at the top section of the Vibrational Scale. When you are in the vortex, you are attracting all the circumstances and events that match those emotions. You are either in or out of the vortex in any moment.
You don't have to become hypervigilant over every moment! Just notice when you are in a bad mood, or are feeling negative emotion of any kind, and decide that you want to feel better.
It only takes 17 seconds for a thought to attract another thought like it. Stay there for 68 seconds and you are attracting positive manifestations. How many minutes are there in a day? During how many of them are you in the vortex?
As soon as you experience the thrill of feeling better, you will begin to see negative circumstance disappear. Very quickly!
Recap:
1) Decide being 'in the vortex' is the most important thing
2) Notice when you don't feel good. Make a statement or two or twelve that makes you feel better on the subject you were just thinking about.
3) Distract yourself by focusing on anything else that feels good.
4) Repeat.
Next post will be about daily tricks and adjustments to get back in the vortex easily and repeatedly.
All of those things you do are the result of many years of conditioning, and are a reflection of a belief in the need to control people or circumstances, and often also include a belief in scarcity.
A belief is only a thought you keep thinking.
Also, when you focus on a subject, Law of Attraction naturally delivers to you more thoughts that match, so it feels as if your thoughts have run away with you. It's true, they have.
However, when you focus on a subject of well-being or hope, Law of Attraction delivers more thoughts that feel the same, so you are then on a good-feeling rampage instead of a bad-feeling rampage.
If you decide to focus your thoughts on purpose, you can feel wonderful without changing the circumstance. And then the circumstance must change.
Let's say you have a sudden financial crisis. Money has always been a struggle, and now that a cascade of new expenses has arisen it feels even worse than ever and you can only see pain and struggle coming.
First, notice how it feels. If you are a wordophile like me, (yes I just made that up, but I like it) look at the Vibrational Scale to see if you can identify the word that comes closest to how you feel.
Otherwise, just notice how bad it feels to focus on money.
Second, back up a little bit, tell yourself something in general terms that makes you feel a little bit better. It will feel like a small sensation of relief.
For instance: "We're fine right now. We've always been fine. We do have a wonderful home. We have plenty of food. It will all work itself out. I don't have to know the answer right now."
If a statement gives you a small sense of relief, it has worked. You have shifted your point of attraction. If it feels good, keep reaching for better-feeling statements.
If you haven't felt any shift yet, keep reaching for a thought that feels a little better on the subject of money.
Once you have shifted your emotion on the subject, leave it alone. Go to other subjects that feel good.
Once you know you can make yourself feel better about a subject, and once you have made yourself feel really good by focusing on other, good-feeling subjects, you can address the money issue again and raise your positive expectation about it further and further until it becomes a non-issue for the rest of your life.
When you feel good, you are 'in the vortex,' meaning you are feeling the positive emotions at the top section of the Vibrational Scale. When you are in the vortex, you are attracting all the circumstances and events that match those emotions. You are either in or out of the vortex in any moment.
You don't have to become hypervigilant over every moment! Just notice when you are in a bad mood, or are feeling negative emotion of any kind, and decide that you want to feel better.
It only takes 17 seconds for a thought to attract another thought like it. Stay there for 68 seconds and you are attracting positive manifestations. How many minutes are there in a day? During how many of them are you in the vortex?
As soon as you experience the thrill of feeling better, you will begin to see negative circumstance disappear. Very quickly!
Recap:
1) Decide being 'in the vortex' is the most important thing
2) Notice when you don't feel good. Make a statement or two or twelve that makes you feel better on the subject you were just thinking about.
3) Distract yourself by focusing on anything else that feels good.
4) Repeat.
Next post will be about daily tricks and adjustments to get back in the vortex easily and repeatedly.
Monday, September 26, 2011
"Limitations"
For the sake of telling this story I'll explain what I mean by being 'In the Vortex'
When you feel appreciative, loving, eager, passionate, knowing, secure, happy.... you are in the Vortex, meaning you are on the frequency of who you really are and everything is right with the world.
Two nights ago, I stayed up very late. 2:00, 3:00, 4:00am. I was having a lot of fun writing and being quiet. When that happens I feel fantastic and new ideas flood my brain. I'm 'in the Vortex.'
Especially after everyone else is asleep, I can reach a state of pure happiness that I call "Blissing out." It is simply sitting in a quiet room being flooded by thoughts of appreciation and fun and love and amazement.
Sometimes, like that night, a series of thoughts occur to me that kick me out of the vortex: "I'm not going to get enough sleep. I'm not going to feel good tomorrow. Staying up all night is not okay...."
That night I decided that those negative thoughts were not worth maintaining.
I knew from previous experience that if I had negative thoughts about staying up all night but stayed up anyway, I didn't feel good the next day.
However, I had also had many experiences of happily staying up late, getting up early, and feeling amazing the next day.
I thought, "What is the emotion I feel when I think those negative thoughts?"
I thought, these thoughts feel limiting, because I believe there are only so many hours to sleep, and if I don't sleep I will feel bad, and daylight hours tomorrow will be wasted by inactivity and sleepiness..., and if I don't feel good I will be out of the vortex, and time in the vortex is valuable, and if I don't feel good I will diminish my physical acuity, etc, etc.
Hmmm. If I feel such a strong sense of limitation now, that must mean I've been thinking this thought before...
Are there other thoughts I've been having that feel like limitation?
I could hardly keep up with the list that spewed out of my mind. I feel limited about clothes and about travel and about friends, about choices and about blah blah blah...
Holy moley! I had no idea I was thinking these tiny negative thoughts many times a day. Thank goodness! Now I know.
Thoughts of limitation prevent abundance. No matter how tiny and seemingly insignificant, or how seemingly unrelated the subjects; thoughts of limitation affect your belief in the flow of money and of opportunities and of relationships and of time and of self worth....
Okay, now what? I recognize that I'm having strong negative thoughts about limitation and that it's been a recurring theme in my mind.
It's funny, because the moment I realized what I had been thinking and I recognized it as an insidious habit, I felt relief. I knew the mere acknowledgement of the trend was an easy map to reversing it.
That alone is a big, permanent shift in vibration.
I did a Take The Bounce exercise. What is the opposite of limitation? Freedom.
What does freedom feel like? I thought about the word, then went through a long, long list of reasons I feel free, some of which were these:
I'm free to think whatever I want. I'm free to feel good whenever I want. I'm free to schedule my day. I'm free from worry. I'm free to love, even those who seem unlovable. I'm free to go hiking every day. I'm free to be myself all the time.
All sense of limitation was evaporated. That feels incredible.
When you feel appreciative, loving, eager, passionate, knowing, secure, happy.... you are in the Vortex, meaning you are on the frequency of who you really are and everything is right with the world.
Two nights ago, I stayed up very late. 2:00, 3:00, 4:00am. I was having a lot of fun writing and being quiet. When that happens I feel fantastic and new ideas flood my brain. I'm 'in the Vortex.'
Especially after everyone else is asleep, I can reach a state of pure happiness that I call "Blissing out." It is simply sitting in a quiet room being flooded by thoughts of appreciation and fun and love and amazement.
Sometimes, like that night, a series of thoughts occur to me that kick me out of the vortex: "I'm not going to get enough sleep. I'm not going to feel good tomorrow. Staying up all night is not okay...."
That night I decided that those negative thoughts were not worth maintaining.
I knew from previous experience that if I had negative thoughts about staying up all night but stayed up anyway, I didn't feel good the next day.
However, I had also had many experiences of happily staying up late, getting up early, and feeling amazing the next day.
I thought, "What is the emotion I feel when I think those negative thoughts?"
I thought, these thoughts feel limiting, because I believe there are only so many hours to sleep, and if I don't sleep I will feel bad, and daylight hours tomorrow will be wasted by inactivity and sleepiness..., and if I don't feel good I will be out of the vortex, and time in the vortex is valuable, and if I don't feel good I will diminish my physical acuity, etc, etc.
Hmmm. If I feel such a strong sense of limitation now, that must mean I've been thinking this thought before...
Are there other thoughts I've been having that feel like limitation?
I could hardly keep up with the list that spewed out of my mind. I feel limited about clothes and about travel and about friends, about choices and about blah blah blah...
Holy moley! I had no idea I was thinking these tiny negative thoughts many times a day. Thank goodness! Now I know.
Thoughts of limitation prevent abundance. No matter how tiny and seemingly insignificant, or how seemingly unrelated the subjects; thoughts of limitation affect your belief in the flow of money and of opportunities and of relationships and of time and of self worth....
Okay, now what? I recognize that I'm having strong negative thoughts about limitation and that it's been a recurring theme in my mind.
It's funny, because the moment I realized what I had been thinking and I recognized it as an insidious habit, I felt relief. I knew the mere acknowledgement of the trend was an easy map to reversing it.
That alone is a big, permanent shift in vibration.
I did a Take The Bounce exercise. What is the opposite of limitation? Freedom.
What does freedom feel like? I thought about the word, then went through a long, long list of reasons I feel free, some of which were these:
I'm free to think whatever I want. I'm free to feel good whenever I want. I'm free to schedule my day. I'm free from worry. I'm free to love, even those who seem unlovable. I'm free to go hiking every day. I'm free to be myself all the time.
All sense of limitation was evaporated. That feels incredible.
Monday, September 19, 2011
The Riding Lesson of Life
My amazing friend Joni asked me if I would work with her horse while she is on vacation next month. She said she had developed a new method of teaching riding that is based on Law of Attraction.
Are you kidding me? I'm in!
We agreed to trade riding lessons for my care of her horse.
I had a riding lesson from her today that was such a perfect metaphor for Law of Attraction.
I'll paraphrase what Joni said about the way the lesson would go:
"Decide what you want and know it will happen."
"Have no attachment to how or when it will happen."
"Learn from what happens. No judgement."
In the lesson, there are very specific physical requirements of the rider that make the horse comfortable and make the lines of communication clear. Once those lines are open, the experience is almost all thought and communication between the horse and rider.
The post I wrote yesterday was about how your negative thoughts get more and more subtle, so it becomes more important to fine-tune yourself to be more sensitive to their existence and to let them go.
"Learn from what happens. No judgement."
I was trained to give certain signals to horses to tell them where to go and what to do.
This lesson involved no signals whatsoever. Simply intention and balance.
When I was on the horse and I unwittingly had a tiny thought of doubt or self-criticism, the lines of communication would get fuzzy and the horse would get slightly uncomfortable and start to move in a disconnected way. She veered off course. Meanwhile, she sent me extremely subtle signals that said, "you're out of balance." I corrected my balance, in my mind and in my body, then launched into appreciative thoughts for the horse (back into the vortex!), and she'd respond by radiating ease and pleasure and comfort, and connection with me, and then moved precisely where I had intended in my mind. What a freaking thrill that was!
"Have no attachment to how or when it will happen." When something isn't working, stop, and realize you are trying to make it happen. Get back in the vortex, because you are inevitably out, and feel good again by dropping whatever negative thought you just had, and watch what happens.
All of those statements are true about every aspect of your life. Decide what you want and know it will happen. Have no attachment to how or when it will happen. Learn from (and appreciate!) what happens; no judgement.
Are you kidding me? I'm in!
We agreed to trade riding lessons for my care of her horse.
I had a riding lesson from her today that was such a perfect metaphor for Law of Attraction.
I'll paraphrase what Joni said about the way the lesson would go:
"Decide what you want and know it will happen."
"Have no attachment to how or when it will happen."
"Learn from what happens. No judgement."
In the lesson, there are very specific physical requirements of the rider that make the horse comfortable and make the lines of communication clear. Once those lines are open, the experience is almost all thought and communication between the horse and rider.
The post I wrote yesterday was about how your negative thoughts get more and more subtle, so it becomes more important to fine-tune yourself to be more sensitive to their existence and to let them go.
"Learn from what happens. No judgement."
I was trained to give certain signals to horses to tell them where to go and what to do.
This lesson involved no signals whatsoever. Simply intention and balance.
When I was on the horse and I unwittingly had a tiny thought of doubt or self-criticism, the lines of communication would get fuzzy and the horse would get slightly uncomfortable and start to move in a disconnected way. She veered off course. Meanwhile, she sent me extremely subtle signals that said, "you're out of balance." I corrected my balance, in my mind and in my body, then launched into appreciative thoughts for the horse (back into the vortex!), and she'd respond by radiating ease and pleasure and comfort, and connection with me, and then moved precisely where I had intended in my mind. What a freaking thrill that was!
"Have no attachment to how or when it will happen." When something isn't working, stop, and realize you are trying to make it happen. Get back in the vortex, because you are inevitably out, and feel good again by dropping whatever negative thought you just had, and watch what happens.
All of those statements are true about every aspect of your life. Decide what you want and know it will happen. Have no attachment to how or when it will happen. Learn from (and appreciate!) what happens; no judgement.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Three People, One Manifestation?
Let's imagine there are two friends in a car. They have a car accident.
Did they have the same experience? Not at all.
Was it a match to the thoughts of both of them? Absolutely.
Everyone is different, and this example is specific to these people, but in this scenario this is the breakdown:
For the driver, the car accident produced thoughts of lack of control, anger, fear.
For the passenger, the accident produced thoughts of distrust, injustice, lack of control, frustration.
Lack of control, or powerlessness, is a common theme among most people, because you've grown up believing you have to control circumstances in order feel good.
Lack of control is a powerless thought that is at the bottom of the Vibrational (emotional) Scale. Powerless thoughts become frequent in your mind when you think you need to control people or circumstances and you can't. Because no one can.
The driver feels angry that the other car didn't obey the traffic signs. But he had been feeling angry about other things for a while.
The driver also feels afraid of the financial burden that will follow, and of his reputation as a driver, and of the opinion of his boss for being late, and of his mate for wrecking the car.
But he had been feeling afraid of financial hardship for a while. And he had been feeling afraid of opinions of others for a while.
Meanwhile, the passenger feels loss of trust in the driver. And loss of trust in other drivers. But he had been feeling distrustful of people and vulnerable for a while. He had no control over this situation, as he feels he has had no control over other situations.
He feels burdened by the injustice of his involvement. But he has been noticing unfairness for a while.
He feels frustration over the delay in getting to work, and the need to wait for help and the need to re-schedule things. But he has been feeling frustrated over many things for a while.
The driver of the other car feels embarrassed and guilty and overwhelmed and afraid. All of which match feelings he has had frequently and consistently.
All situations and circumstances are a perfect match to each and every one of the people involved.
Yup, that leads to a lot of questions about tsunamis and earthquakes and murderers and rapists, and I'll answer them all if you ask.
Did they have the same experience? Not at all.
Was it a match to the thoughts of both of them? Absolutely.
Everyone is different, and this example is specific to these people, but in this scenario this is the breakdown:
For the driver, the car accident produced thoughts of lack of control, anger, fear.
For the passenger, the accident produced thoughts of distrust, injustice, lack of control, frustration.
Lack of control, or powerlessness, is a common theme among most people, because you've grown up believing you have to control circumstances in order feel good.
Lack of control is a powerless thought that is at the bottom of the Vibrational (emotional) Scale. Powerless thoughts become frequent in your mind when you think you need to control people or circumstances and you can't. Because no one can.
The driver feels angry that the other car didn't obey the traffic signs. But he had been feeling angry about other things for a while.
The driver also feels afraid of the financial burden that will follow, and of his reputation as a driver, and of the opinion of his boss for being late, and of his mate for wrecking the car.
But he had been feeling afraid of financial hardship for a while. And he had been feeling afraid of opinions of others for a while.
Meanwhile, the passenger feels loss of trust in the driver. And loss of trust in other drivers. But he had been feeling distrustful of people and vulnerable for a while. He had no control over this situation, as he feels he has had no control over other situations.
He feels burdened by the injustice of his involvement. But he has been noticing unfairness for a while.
He feels frustration over the delay in getting to work, and the need to wait for help and the need to re-schedule things. But he has been feeling frustrated over many things for a while.
The driver of the other car feels embarrassed and guilty and overwhelmed and afraid. All of which match feelings he has had frequently and consistently.
All situations and circumstances are a perfect match to each and every one of the people involved.
Yup, that leads to a lot of questions about tsunamis and earthquakes and murderers and rapists, and I'll answer them all if you ask.
Fine Tuning
When you first start practicing directing your thoughts on purpose, and therefore feeling good on purpose, a lot of wonderful things happen.
First, you feel really good. That feels amazing, and everything seems beautiful and easier and more fun.
Then, it's as if there were awesome things piled up behind a door and you opened the door.
People are nice, traffic disappears, something you wanted suddenly shows up. Again and again, you get to see the manifestation of something you wanted. At first, you don't even realize your change in perspective has anything to do with it. Then as it continues to happen, you realize you are allowing all these things by your new attitude.
After a while, maybe a few months, it's common for manifestations to slow down.
First, because you may have developed a habit of verifying your 'worth' by what you see you have manifested. Then you start to look for manifestations. Looking for something you can't see contains the negative thought of 'it's not here.' Noticing it's not here brings more 'not here' It also contains a negative thought of, 'I'm not doing it right', or 'I haven't earned, or learned it yet.' Self-criticism is the most insidious block to positive manifestations.
Second, the negative thoughts you now have are much more subtle.
As you clean up and discard and replace negative thoughts and beliefs about various subjects, you inevitably leave behind smaller and smaller remnants of those negative thoughts. Cleaning up, or replacing, those remnants is called 'fine tuning.'
It's harder to notice subtle negative thoughts. But once you notice them you realize you think those types of thoughts 10 or 15 or 20 times per day.
The easiest and most reliable way to realize what subtle negative thoughts you have been thinking is in your dreams.
When you wake up, stop and think, "What did I dream?"
Then "How did the dream feel?"
Dreams are the absolutely most accurate indicators of how you have been feeling the previous day (or days).
The content or characters or weirdness of the dream makes no difference; it's how the dream felt that is the key.
If the dream felt fun and adventurous, you're on the right track; keep it up!
If the dream felt scary or embarrassing or overwhelming or frustrating or angry, etc, you know very precisely what you have been feeling recently. Ask yourself what in your life has produced those feelings, but in a subtler way? By that line of questioning, you can deduce what you have been thinking.
Then you can do a Focus Wheel about the subject, or use the Take the Bounce tool.
If you're unaccustomed to remembering dreams, tell yourself before you go to sleep that you intend to remember your dreams.
Another way to identify subtle negative thoughts is by noticing negative manifestations.
When anything negative happens, it is an accurate depiction of what you have been thinking.
Every single thing that manifests in your life is an indicator of, and an emotional match to,what you have been thinking.
If someone yells at you, if you stub your toe, if you get a medical malady.... or if your kid suddenly hugs you, or someone does something nice for you, or you meet someone at just the right time.... Each one of those things is a manifestation, and an indicator of what you have been thinking.
Once you identify that you have been having negative thoughts you can stop them by acknowledging the bogus nature of the thought. And ALL negative thoughts are bogus. Really. (See Ask And It Is Given, or any of the other titles in the reading list).
Three days ago I awoke to feelings of bliss and adventure and fun. My snorkeling dreams had been so vivid and clear it took some time to realize I hadn't actually been snorkeling that night. I celebrated the track of my precious day's thoughts!
The following morning I awoke to feelings of embarrassment. Vivid dreams of being arrested were fresh in my mind. I then did a little casting back to see what I may have been feeling embarrassed about. A small army of random, tiny, insidious, shameful thoughts that I had had recently became clear to me.
I wrote them all down. I then Took The Bounce on the first one. It was easy to drum up thoughts that felt the opposite of embarrassment; of confidence and pride and competence and security. Then I looked at the rest of the list and it all suddenly sounded ridiculous, which meant I no longer believed those old statements from my new point of view. Perfect. That's how you shift subtle thoughts.
Then last night I had dreams of fun social situations that felt like love and happiness and joy. That means that I successfully 'cleaned up' the subtle negative thoughts I had from the days before.
That's how it works. It never gets done and it gets more and more subtle.
You may never stop 'cleaning up' negative thoughts, but that's okay. That's what you're here for.
First, you feel really good. That feels amazing, and everything seems beautiful and easier and more fun.
Then, it's as if there were awesome things piled up behind a door and you opened the door.
People are nice, traffic disappears, something you wanted suddenly shows up. Again and again, you get to see the manifestation of something you wanted. At first, you don't even realize your change in perspective has anything to do with it. Then as it continues to happen, you realize you are allowing all these things by your new attitude.
After a while, maybe a few months, it's common for manifestations to slow down.
First, because you may have developed a habit of verifying your 'worth' by what you see you have manifested. Then you start to look for manifestations. Looking for something you can't see contains the negative thought of 'it's not here.' Noticing it's not here brings more 'not here' It also contains a negative thought of, 'I'm not doing it right', or 'I haven't earned, or learned it yet.' Self-criticism is the most insidious block to positive manifestations.
Second, the negative thoughts you now have are much more subtle.
As you clean up and discard and replace negative thoughts and beliefs about various subjects, you inevitably leave behind smaller and smaller remnants of those negative thoughts. Cleaning up, or replacing, those remnants is called 'fine tuning.'
It's harder to notice subtle negative thoughts. But once you notice them you realize you think those types of thoughts 10 or 15 or 20 times per day.
The easiest and most reliable way to realize what subtle negative thoughts you have been thinking is in your dreams.
When you wake up, stop and think, "What did I dream?"
Then "How did the dream feel?"
Dreams are the absolutely most accurate indicators of how you have been feeling the previous day (or days).
The content or characters or weirdness of the dream makes no difference; it's how the dream felt that is the key.
If the dream felt fun and adventurous, you're on the right track; keep it up!
If the dream felt scary or embarrassing or overwhelming or frustrating or angry, etc, you know very precisely what you have been feeling recently. Ask yourself what in your life has produced those feelings, but in a subtler way? By that line of questioning, you can deduce what you have been thinking.
Then you can do a Focus Wheel about the subject, or use the Take the Bounce tool.
If you're unaccustomed to remembering dreams, tell yourself before you go to sleep that you intend to remember your dreams.
Another way to identify subtle negative thoughts is by noticing negative manifestations.
When anything negative happens, it is an accurate depiction of what you have been thinking.
Every single thing that manifests in your life is an indicator of, and an emotional match to,what you have been thinking.
If someone yells at you, if you stub your toe, if you get a medical malady.... or if your kid suddenly hugs you, or someone does something nice for you, or you meet someone at just the right time.... Each one of those things is a manifestation, and an indicator of what you have been thinking.
Once you identify that you have been having negative thoughts you can stop them by acknowledging the bogus nature of the thought. And ALL negative thoughts are bogus. Really. (See Ask And It Is Given, or any of the other titles in the reading list).
Three days ago I awoke to feelings of bliss and adventure and fun. My snorkeling dreams had been so vivid and clear it took some time to realize I hadn't actually been snorkeling that night. I celebrated the track of my precious day's thoughts!
The following morning I awoke to feelings of embarrassment. Vivid dreams of being arrested were fresh in my mind. I then did a little casting back to see what I may have been feeling embarrassed about. A small army of random, tiny, insidious, shameful thoughts that I had had recently became clear to me.
I wrote them all down. I then Took The Bounce on the first one. It was easy to drum up thoughts that felt the opposite of embarrassment; of confidence and pride and competence and security. Then I looked at the rest of the list and it all suddenly sounded ridiculous, which meant I no longer believed those old statements from my new point of view. Perfect. That's how you shift subtle thoughts.
Then last night I had dreams of fun social situations that felt like love and happiness and joy. That means that I successfully 'cleaned up' the subtle negative thoughts I had from the days before.
That's how it works. It never gets done and it gets more and more subtle.
You may never stop 'cleaning up' negative thoughts, but that's okay. That's what you're here for.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Too Many Thoughts To Keep Track Of?
You get what you think about, but there are so many thoughts! How on earth do you try to manage thoughts?
Easy. You pay attention to how you feel. Every thought has a feeling response. If you decide you want to feel as good as you can, you begin to notice when you don't feel good.
When you don't feel good, and you don't know why, just ask yourself what you were just thinking about.
When you know that you can intentionally redirect your thoughts, it follows that you can feel better any time you want.
As time goes by in our lives, we get used to frequently feeling grumpy or irritated or overwhelmed or indignant, or worried. Or you feel worried for someone else, or concerned about the weather or the ecology or the economy or what the government is doing.
As socialized humans, we believe we're supposed to worry and plan and work hard and control stuff around us.
You ask: Isn't taking attention away from unwanted things tantamount to burying our heads in the sand?
It would be if the universe were not vibrational in nature. It's easy to believe that all there is is what you see, and the only way to accomplish things is by physically doing things.
But you know there is far more than what you can see. You can't see atoms, but you know they're there. You can't smell the footprint your dog can smell, but you know it is there.
The truth is, everything is vibration and Law of Attraction is drawing together like vibrations every minute, without exception.
You get what you think about. So the more you think about what you don't want, the more the universe brings thoughts and situations that match.
Meaning, if you're spending a lot of time thinking about not enough... money or time or love or freedom, you encounter more situations that make you feel overwhelmed and lacking.
If you're thinking a lot about injustice, you see and encounter many situations that seem unfair.
If you are thinking a lot about war, the universe won't necessarily bring you war, but it will bring you situations that feel vulnerable and scary and victimizing.
When I say "a lot" of time, most people don't realize how much cumulative time they spend throughout the day thinking negative thoughts. It's habit.
So back to the easy solution. Decide you want to feel good. Decide that feeling good is the most important thing. Because once you feel good, not only do you get to feel good, but everything you want is then drawn to you. No kidding.
See the Tools section and the 3 posts called How... for tips. And more to follow.
Easy. You pay attention to how you feel. Every thought has a feeling response. If you decide you want to feel as good as you can, you begin to notice when you don't feel good.
When you don't feel good, and you don't know why, just ask yourself what you were just thinking about.
When you know that you can intentionally redirect your thoughts, it follows that you can feel better any time you want.
As time goes by in our lives, we get used to frequently feeling grumpy or irritated or overwhelmed or indignant, or worried. Or you feel worried for someone else, or concerned about the weather or the ecology or the economy or what the government is doing.
As socialized humans, we believe we're supposed to worry and plan and work hard and control stuff around us.
You ask: Isn't taking attention away from unwanted things tantamount to burying our heads in the sand?
It would be if the universe were not vibrational in nature. It's easy to believe that all there is is what you see, and the only way to accomplish things is by physically doing things.
But you know there is far more than what you can see. You can't see atoms, but you know they're there. You can't smell the footprint your dog can smell, but you know it is there.
The truth is, everything is vibration and Law of Attraction is drawing together like vibrations every minute, without exception.
You get what you think about. So the more you think about what you don't want, the more the universe brings thoughts and situations that match.
Meaning, if you're spending a lot of time thinking about not enough... money or time or love or freedom, you encounter more situations that make you feel overwhelmed and lacking.
If you're thinking a lot about injustice, you see and encounter many situations that seem unfair.
If you are thinking a lot about war, the universe won't necessarily bring you war, but it will bring you situations that feel vulnerable and scary and victimizing.
When I say "a lot" of time, most people don't realize how much cumulative time they spend throughout the day thinking negative thoughts. It's habit.
So back to the easy solution. Decide you want to feel good. Decide that feeling good is the most important thing. Because once you feel good, not only do you get to feel good, but everything you want is then drawn to you. No kidding.
See the Tools section and the 3 posts called How... for tips. And more to follow.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
When Desire Meets Expectation
The only reason you want anything is because you believe in the having of it, you will feel better.
When you desire something you think you can't have, it doesn't feel good.
When you desire something you believe you can have, even if you don't know how it will get here, or when.... it feels wonderful. If you believe it is inevitable, the thought of that thing you want is uplifting, life-giving, exciting. You don't have to have the thing you want in front of you in order to feel the exhilaration of having it because the act of visualizing it, thinking about how it feels to have it, feels sublime. And feeling good is the reason you wanted it in the first place.
When you achieve the thrill of having something you do not yet have, but you believe it is yours, that desire becomes Expectation. And then it becomes inevitably yours.
You cannot Expect something and not receive it. If you truly expect it, and you don't doubt it, nor do you need it in order to feel good, it will show up.
However, the word Expectation is tricky. The word implies something that will happen in the future.
I remember getting myself caught up in the expectation of seeing mule deer on my hikes. (This is related to an earlier blog). I had a strong desire to see them, and I had 'expectation' but I had three things preventing it from happening.
1. I thought seeing deer would make me feel better. I didn't feel bad, but I believed seeing the deer would verify my ability to manifest what I wanted. (I needed to see them because it would justify my 'skill' and therefore my 'worthiness') Plus, seeing deer would be thrilling.
2. I looked for deer, so my thoughts were primarily noting how they were not there. As long as I was noticing the absence of them, I attracted more of the same. Not only were they not here now, I had not seen any for years.
3. I believed I would see them, meaning it WILL happen (in some future time, because it's not right now) That is "expectation" laced with "not right now," which means it will always happen at some future time, not now.
The way to get rid of the "not right now" is to make peace with what is.
I decided to stop looking for deer. It began to not feel good to "fail" at the task of achieving that strong desire. By the way, it was a strong desire because I had always been thrilled at close encounters with wild animals, and because I had added the element of testing my worthiness to it.
I decided to enjoy the hikes for other reasons, and to lose the bogus thought of earning my worthiness through my accomplishments.
The very night I made that realization was the night I saw a mule deer on a sitcom on TV. Suddenly I had a real, resistance-free expectation of seeing them. Because I had let go of the need to see them, I suddenly saw one (on TV).
The next day not only did I see mule deer, they were there to interact with me. They stood within 20 feet of me, looking intently at me and my dog for 10 minutes while I 'talked' to them with massive appreciation for them.
Every day thereafter, no matter where I hiked, I had deer interacting with me. (like the hawks from a previous post). Once you experience something, the expectation becomes even stronger.
One day while hiking I was talking out loud to myself about how wonderful it is to feel so good. I was saying the skies are bluer, and trees are greener, people are funnier, I get to play with deer... Just then I rounded a corner and was startled by three deer standing there. They were so close I could see their eyelashes. They had obviously heard me coming, because I had been making a racket! They stood there waiting for me. After I arrived, I 'talked' to them in my mind for a long time. After a while, one of them made a gesture with her head that looked like an invitation to my dog. He took her up on it and the chase was on! At first I was concerned about my dog scaring them, but immediately realized how much fun it seemed to be for all of them. They knew he couldn't catch them, and he didn't care.
One day I saw a pair of does 50 feet way. They stood still and looked at me. I continued to walk toward them for 10 feet. One of them took a step to retreat. I immediately stopped, and she stopped. She then started to walk toward me for another 10 feet, stopped and looked at me while I talked to her. She and her friend stood relaxed for many minutes. They eventually decided to boing away, with my dog chasing after them. As soon as the dog tired from the chase, they stopped to look at us some more.
Another day I was imagining a happy conversation with some mountain-bikers about deer. I asked them if they ever saw them and they said no. I said to them that "I have to practically push them out of the way." In my mind I imagined gesturing with my arm to push them aside. At that moment a deer came running toward me and when he came within a few feet, abruptly turned left, as if I had to sweep him to the side. (sounds silly, but it really cracked me up!)
Another day I came upon two bucks wrestling with their antlers. They stopped sparring to look at me. For a long time.
Another day I was thinking about a manifestation I wanted that hadn't appeared yet. I had an epiphany; "Oh, It's just like Looking for Deer!" (being aware of the absence of something)
At that very moment, a deer jumped out of nowhere onto the trail in front of me. She stood there while I 'talked' to her silently . She stood sideways, so I could see that after every time I 'spoke,' she wiggled her tail! After she left, I thought, "We'll see her again later on the trail." Ten minutes later, there she was, waiting on the trail.
Prior to seeing any deer, I had had very strong desire, but lots of resistant thought. Once I dropped the resistant thoughts, by making peace with 'what is', Law of Attraction showed me a deer on TV and my expectation became real; not limited by thoughts of 'future' or 'worthiness' or 'absence,'
When you desire something you think you can't have, it doesn't feel good.
When you desire something you believe you can have, even if you don't know how it will get here, or when.... it feels wonderful. If you believe it is inevitable, the thought of that thing you want is uplifting, life-giving, exciting. You don't have to have the thing you want in front of you in order to feel the exhilaration of having it because the act of visualizing it, thinking about how it feels to have it, feels sublime. And feeling good is the reason you wanted it in the first place.
When you achieve the thrill of having something you do not yet have, but you believe it is yours, that desire becomes Expectation. And then it becomes inevitably yours.
You cannot Expect something and not receive it. If you truly expect it, and you don't doubt it, nor do you need it in order to feel good, it will show up.
However, the word Expectation is tricky. The word implies something that will happen in the future.
I remember getting myself caught up in the expectation of seeing mule deer on my hikes. (This is related to an earlier blog). I had a strong desire to see them, and I had 'expectation' but I had three things preventing it from happening.
1. I thought seeing deer would make me feel better. I didn't feel bad, but I believed seeing the deer would verify my ability to manifest what I wanted. (I needed to see them because it would justify my 'skill' and therefore my 'worthiness') Plus, seeing deer would be thrilling.
2. I looked for deer, so my thoughts were primarily noting how they were not there. As long as I was noticing the absence of them, I attracted more of the same. Not only were they not here now, I had not seen any for years.
3. I believed I would see them, meaning it WILL happen (in some future time, because it's not right now) That is "expectation" laced with "not right now," which means it will always happen at some future time, not now.
The way to get rid of the "not right now" is to make peace with what is.
I decided to stop looking for deer. It began to not feel good to "fail" at the task of achieving that strong desire. By the way, it was a strong desire because I had always been thrilled at close encounters with wild animals, and because I had added the element of testing my worthiness to it.
I decided to enjoy the hikes for other reasons, and to lose the bogus thought of earning my worthiness through my accomplishments.
The very night I made that realization was the night I saw a mule deer on a sitcom on TV. Suddenly I had a real, resistance-free expectation of seeing them. Because I had let go of the need to see them, I suddenly saw one (on TV).
The next day not only did I see mule deer, they were there to interact with me. They stood within 20 feet of me, looking intently at me and my dog for 10 minutes while I 'talked' to them with massive appreciation for them.
Every day thereafter, no matter where I hiked, I had deer interacting with me. (like the hawks from a previous post). Once you experience something, the expectation becomes even stronger.
One day while hiking I was talking out loud to myself about how wonderful it is to feel so good. I was saying the skies are bluer, and trees are greener, people are funnier, I get to play with deer... Just then I rounded a corner and was startled by three deer standing there. They were so close I could see their eyelashes. They had obviously heard me coming, because I had been making a racket! They stood there waiting for me. After I arrived, I 'talked' to them in my mind for a long time. After a while, one of them made a gesture with her head that looked like an invitation to my dog. He took her up on it and the chase was on! At first I was concerned about my dog scaring them, but immediately realized how much fun it seemed to be for all of them. They knew he couldn't catch them, and he didn't care.
One day I saw a pair of does 50 feet way. They stood still and looked at me. I continued to walk toward them for 10 feet. One of them took a step to retreat. I immediately stopped, and she stopped. She then started to walk toward me for another 10 feet, stopped and looked at me while I talked to her. She and her friend stood relaxed for many minutes. They eventually decided to boing away, with my dog chasing after them. As soon as the dog tired from the chase, they stopped to look at us some more.
Another day I was imagining a happy conversation with some mountain-bikers about deer. I asked them if they ever saw them and they said no. I said to them that "I have to practically push them out of the way." In my mind I imagined gesturing with my arm to push them aside. At that moment a deer came running toward me and when he came within a few feet, abruptly turned left, as if I had to sweep him to the side. (sounds silly, but it really cracked me up!)
Another day I came upon two bucks wrestling with their antlers. They stopped sparring to look at me. For a long time.
Another day I was thinking about a manifestation I wanted that hadn't appeared yet. I had an epiphany; "Oh, It's just like Looking for Deer!" (being aware of the absence of something)
At that very moment, a deer jumped out of nowhere onto the trail in front of me. She stood there while I 'talked' to her silently . She stood sideways, so I could see that after every time I 'spoke,' she wiggled her tail! After she left, I thought, "We'll see her again later on the trail." Ten minutes later, there she was, waiting on the trail.
Prior to seeing any deer, I had had very strong desire, but lots of resistant thought. Once I dropped the resistant thoughts, by making peace with 'what is', Law of Attraction showed me a deer on TV and my expectation became real; not limited by thoughts of 'future' or 'worthiness' or 'absence,'
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The Wisdom of Kids
Kids are born knowing their intrinsic value and unshakable self-worth.
Society then teaches them that they are not worthy until they earn it; through good behavior, good grades, cooperation with rules, and making others happy,.... then later... their looks, their ability to make money, their social skills, etc, etc.
Today I asked our 9-year-old son how his day was at school.
He said, "My day was fine. The teacher had a horrible day."
I cold not have been more proud of him than I was at that moment.
He went on to explain that the teacher started the day not feeling good (meaning he was in a bad mood), then he felt a little better toward the middle of the day, then he felt worse at the end of the day. During the spells of not feeling good, the teacher scolded students, including our son, about their various shortcomings.
My kids have been taught, and shown by example, that when people don't feel good, they tend to look for reasons, and people, to blame for not feeling good. It has nothing to do with the reason the person chooses, and it is not personal.
Since our son had seen the phenomenon with his parents and with his brothers and with himself, he knew it was true. So when his teacher yelled at him for a minor infraction, he did not take it personally and was able to stay in a good mood himself.
He hears what the teacher wants, and is willing to oblige, and he then does those things out of the inspiration of accomplishing the task, not to please the teacher or to make the teacher feel better, or to make the teacher like him, or to earn the grade.
There are not enough ways you can stand on your head to make someone else happy. They have to do it on their own. Attend to your own good mood, and watch what happens.
Society then teaches them that they are not worthy until they earn it; through good behavior, good grades, cooperation with rules, and making others happy,.... then later... their looks, their ability to make money, their social skills, etc, etc.
Today I asked our 9-year-old son how his day was at school.
He said, "My day was fine. The teacher had a horrible day."
I cold not have been more proud of him than I was at that moment.
He went on to explain that the teacher started the day not feeling good (meaning he was in a bad mood), then he felt a little better toward the middle of the day, then he felt worse at the end of the day. During the spells of not feeling good, the teacher scolded students, including our son, about their various shortcomings.
My kids have been taught, and shown by example, that when people don't feel good, they tend to look for reasons, and people, to blame for not feeling good. It has nothing to do with the reason the person chooses, and it is not personal.
Since our son had seen the phenomenon with his parents and with his brothers and with himself, he knew it was true. So when his teacher yelled at him for a minor infraction, he did not take it personally and was able to stay in a good mood himself.
He hears what the teacher wants, and is willing to oblige, and he then does those things out of the inspiration of accomplishing the task, not to please the teacher or to make the teacher feel better, or to make the teacher like him, or to earn the grade.
There are not enough ways you can stand on your head to make someone else happy. They have to do it on their own. Attend to your own good mood, and watch what happens.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Unconditional Love
Unconditional love is: not needing a condition to change in order to feel love (which is who you really are: a person who loves).
If you were to say to your mate: "You are not responsible for my happiness. I am."
That's unconditional love.
If you were to say to your kids: "You don't have to (behave in a certain way) for me to feel better." That is unconditional love.
Consequently, what happens when kids (and mates) feel unconditional love is a magical demonstration of who they really are: Loving, kind, thoughtful, cooperative, eager to please (and to love), and also you get to see the uninhibited releasing of their unique intelligence (not regurgitated learning) that adds to the world. (see my examples in other posts).
They behave that way not to please you, but because it feels good to be that way.
What if your mate did something that made you uncomfortable (or sad or mad or afraid)? Is it your job to talk your mate into changing his behavior? Nope. That's conditional love. ("I need this condition to change in order for me to feel better") See Law of Attraction and Tools.
When you are responsible for your own happiness, and you understand that happiness is based simply on what you think, you can let go of controlling anyone else's behavior (because you have no control over it anyway) and you can let go of needing approval from anyone else (because their approval is fickle and arbitrary in that it is given only when they feel good about themselves, which may be fleeting...).
1.What if you believed in your own current and future well-being? (because it is assured. See the Reading List)
2.What if you believed in a perfect relationship for yourself? (because you've created what you want, See Ask and It Is Given in the Reading List)
3.What if you believed in your kids' well-being? (because they have created what they want. (see above)
We've been taught to believe that relationship means 'sacrifice' and 'compromise,'
and kids mean 'control,' and 'teaching', and 'protection from harm,' and 'sacrifice'.
If you are willing to question all those beliefs, here is what happens:
Relationship is not limiting each other, nor making each other whole, rather, you benefit each other. Loving unconditionally means each person gets to be who they really are:
You don't give up your opinion, you don't give up your preferences, you don't give up your free time.
Ironically, the awareness of having unlimited freedom makes you feel utterly free to give your time freely.
When you approach 'relationship' with the understanding that you are each responsible for your own happiness, you free each other to be completely who you really are, without 'sacrifice'.
When you are with someone who feels free to be his or her self, someone who puts her own happiness first, he or she is exciting and fun and inspiring to be with. She is loving and kind and generous and feels good about herself. And about you.
Someone who is free to be herself does not do things out of obligation, or to make someone else feel better. She does things out of love and inspiration. Someone who feels good about herself knows that others are perfectly capable of making themselves feel better, and she inspires them to do so.
When you approach child rearing as a learning experience, rather than a teaching experience, it changes the whole dynamic.
The kid you have is a perfect match to what you need to learn.
Also, when you give your child freedom; to explore, to do things at his own pace, to 'buck the system,' he becomes the easy catalyst to new, unexpected, amazing experiences that benefit you and him and everyone around him.
That's unconditional love.
If you were to say to your mate: "You are not responsible for my happiness. I am."
That's unconditional love.
If you were to say to your kids: "You don't have to (behave in a certain way) for me to feel better." That is unconditional love.
Consequently, what happens when kids (and mates) feel unconditional love is a magical demonstration of who they really are: Loving, kind, thoughtful, cooperative, eager to please (and to love), and also you get to see the uninhibited releasing of their unique intelligence (not regurgitated learning) that adds to the world. (see my examples in other posts).
They behave that way not to please you, but because it feels good to be that way.
What if your mate did something that made you uncomfortable (or sad or mad or afraid)? Is it your job to talk your mate into changing his behavior? Nope. That's conditional love. ("I need this condition to change in order for me to feel better") See Law of Attraction and Tools.
When you are responsible for your own happiness, and you understand that happiness is based simply on what you think, you can let go of controlling anyone else's behavior (because you have no control over it anyway) and you can let go of needing approval from anyone else (because their approval is fickle and arbitrary in that it is given only when they feel good about themselves, which may be fleeting...).
1.What if you believed in your own current and future well-being? (because it is assured. See the Reading List)
2.What if you believed in a perfect relationship for yourself? (because you've created what you want, See Ask and It Is Given in the Reading List)
3.What if you believed in your kids' well-being? (because they have created what they want. (see above)
We've been taught to believe that relationship means 'sacrifice' and 'compromise,'
and kids mean 'control,' and 'teaching', and 'protection from harm,' and 'sacrifice'.
If you are willing to question all those beliefs, here is what happens:
Relationship is not limiting each other, nor making each other whole, rather, you benefit each other. Loving unconditionally means each person gets to be who they really are:
You don't give up your opinion, you don't give up your preferences, you don't give up your free time.
Ironically, the awareness of having unlimited freedom makes you feel utterly free to give your time freely.
When you approach 'relationship' with the understanding that you are each responsible for your own happiness, you free each other to be completely who you really are, without 'sacrifice'.
When you are with someone who feels free to be his or her self, someone who puts her own happiness first, he or she is exciting and fun and inspiring to be with. She is loving and kind and generous and feels good about herself. And about you.
Someone who is free to be herself does not do things out of obligation, or to make someone else feel better. She does things out of love and inspiration. Someone who feels good about herself knows that others are perfectly capable of making themselves feel better, and she inspires them to do so.
When you approach child rearing as a learning experience, rather than a teaching experience, it changes the whole dynamic.
The kid you have is a perfect match to what you need to learn.
Also, when you give your child freedom; to explore, to do things at his own pace, to 'buck the system,' he becomes the easy catalyst to new, unexpected, amazing experiences that benefit you and him and everyone around him.
That's unconditional love.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Thought as Vibration
I've ridden and owned horses almost all my life. The following experiences are nothing like anything I had ever had. I'm not making any of this up!
One day last year I was hiking in a wash (dry river bed) feeling such a sense of well-being; it felt like love and appreciation for everything; my life, the weather, the wash, the plants... I was also aware and appreciative of the fact that feeling so high was a skill I had learned.
I noticed a beautiful fenced property on a hill, and then noticed a horse on the far end of the pasture, (about 300 yards away) who was gazing into the distance. I thought, "What a beautiful horse you are. It looks like you're loving this weather too."
Just then, he swung around to face me as if I had poked him in the butt. He then trotted over to the boundary of the fence closest to me and stared at me.
I thought, "I don't know why he's so interested in a human. He sees humans all the time. He's acting as if I'm a goat or something."
I continued to talk to him in my mind while he stood stock still, looking at me. Eventually I said "see ya later," intending to move on, and the horse nodded his head.
I walked farther on and saw a barn in the distance, with a horse's rear visible from one of the stalls. I stopped and thought, "Hello, beautiful." As soon as I thought it, the horse spun around, again, as if poked in the butt.. Wow!
...and he came to the boundary of his enclosure to stare at me while I talked to him in my mind.
During this 'conversation,' another horse came trotting around, in obvious curiosity, from the other side of the barn and got as close to the boundary of his enclosure to stand and stare at me.
I was blown away by this. There was no reason for the 2nd horse to come, other than his awareness of our silent conversation.
After a while of rapt attention from them, I said "see ya" in my mind, intending to leave, and they both nodded. By this point I thought I must be delirious.
I saw another horse in a pasture on a hill, and because I was down in the wash I could only see the top of his back. I stopped and said hello, without any sound, and he jerked his head up. I realized he had had his head in a feed bucket. He abandoned his dinner to come trotting to the fence boundary to see me. Really? What is going on?
Another pasture farther along (apparently a very popular ranch area!) up on the hill was another horse. I could only see the top of his head and ears. I assumed the pasture dipped down where he was standing. I stopped to admire him too. He immediately got up (he had been lying down) to come to the fence line to see me. WTF?
By then I was beside myself with the extraordinariness of all this!
Just then I put my headphones in to listen to a new Abraham-Hicks tape, who's topics are about every subject you can think of....The conversation was about how animals can 'hear' your thoughts when you are on the same frequency they are. The discussion was about horses.
One day last year I was hiking in a wash (dry river bed) feeling such a sense of well-being; it felt like love and appreciation for everything; my life, the weather, the wash, the plants... I was also aware and appreciative of the fact that feeling so high was a skill I had learned.
I noticed a beautiful fenced property on a hill, and then noticed a horse on the far end of the pasture, (about 300 yards away) who was gazing into the distance. I thought, "What a beautiful horse you are. It looks like you're loving this weather too."
Just then, he swung around to face me as if I had poked him in the butt. He then trotted over to the boundary of the fence closest to me and stared at me.
I thought, "I don't know why he's so interested in a human. He sees humans all the time. He's acting as if I'm a goat or something."
I continued to talk to him in my mind while he stood stock still, looking at me. Eventually I said "see ya later," intending to move on, and the horse nodded his head.
I walked farther on and saw a barn in the distance, with a horse's rear visible from one of the stalls. I stopped and thought, "Hello, beautiful." As soon as I thought it, the horse spun around, again, as if poked in the butt.. Wow!
...and he came to the boundary of his enclosure to stare at me while I talked to him in my mind.
During this 'conversation,' another horse came trotting around, in obvious curiosity, from the other side of the barn and got as close to the boundary of his enclosure to stand and stare at me.
I was blown away by this. There was no reason for the 2nd horse to come, other than his awareness of our silent conversation.
After a while of rapt attention from them, I said "see ya" in my mind, intending to leave, and they both nodded. By this point I thought I must be delirious.
I saw another horse in a pasture on a hill, and because I was down in the wash I could only see the top of his back. I stopped and said hello, without any sound, and he jerked his head up. I realized he had had his head in a feed bucket. He abandoned his dinner to come trotting to the fence boundary to see me. Really? What is going on?
Another pasture farther along (apparently a very popular ranch area!) up on the hill was another horse. I could only see the top of his head and ears. I assumed the pasture dipped down where he was standing. I stopped to admire him too. He immediately got up (he had been lying down) to come to the fence line to see me. WTF?
By then I was beside myself with the extraordinariness of all this!
Just then I put my headphones in to listen to a new Abraham-Hicks tape, who's topics are about every subject you can think of....The conversation was about how animals can 'hear' your thoughts when you are on the same frequency they are. The discussion was about horses.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Using the Taking The Bounce Tool
One day I awoke to feelings of unworthiness. (Which meant I went to sleep with feelings of unworthiness)
The most insidious things that produce feelings of unworthiness are the simple, little, repetitive criticisms of myself. Something I think I didn't do right, or something I regret, or something I wish I had done...
We're all taught to believe our worth is dependant upon what we do, whom we please, what we earn, what we accomplish, how we look, what we contribute.... the list is endless.
None of that has anything to do with our value. We are born worthy. It is not earned, it is not negotiable, it is not comparable to others, it is not judgable, it is not a commodity.
I went for a hike with my dog while feeling the need to hike for the dog's sake; to do my duty as a dog-owner. I did not feel good.
The dog chased a passing car (which he never does) and I got instantly angry and embarrassed.
I realized that that action (the dog chasing the car, and my strong emotional response) was an indicator of my state of mind and the dog was doing me a favor by demonstrating it.
BTW, dogs (and children) are perfect mirrors of what we are feeling. Watch any episode of 'The Dog Whisperer' and see it in action.
I realized I could use the Taking The Bounce tool.
How did I feel? Mostly embarrassed. (closely tied to unworthy)
What is the opposite feeling word? Proud.
I thought and repeated the word proud for a while. My mind then produced, without effort, memories of times I felt proud and reasons to feel proud.
I felt soooo much better.
Then the people in the cars started waving.
Every car and every pedestrian I passed for the next 40 minutes waved, or said hello, or started a happy conversation with me. It made me feel proud.
The most insidious things that produce feelings of unworthiness are the simple, little, repetitive criticisms of myself. Something I think I didn't do right, or something I regret, or something I wish I had done...
We're all taught to believe our worth is dependant upon what we do, whom we please, what we earn, what we accomplish, how we look, what we contribute.... the list is endless.
None of that has anything to do with our value. We are born worthy. It is not earned, it is not negotiable, it is not comparable to others, it is not judgable, it is not a commodity.
I went for a hike with my dog while feeling the need to hike for the dog's sake; to do my duty as a dog-owner. I did not feel good.
The dog chased a passing car (which he never does) and I got instantly angry and embarrassed.
I realized that that action (the dog chasing the car, and my strong emotional response) was an indicator of my state of mind and the dog was doing me a favor by demonstrating it.
BTW, dogs (and children) are perfect mirrors of what we are feeling. Watch any episode of 'The Dog Whisperer' and see it in action.
I realized I could use the Taking The Bounce tool.
How did I feel? Mostly embarrassed. (closely tied to unworthy)
What is the opposite feeling word? Proud.
I thought and repeated the word proud for a while. My mind then produced, without effort, memories of times I felt proud and reasons to feel proud.
I felt soooo much better.
Then the people in the cars started waving.
Every car and every pedestrian I passed for the next 40 minutes waved, or said hello, or started a happy conversation with me. It made me feel proud.
All Mainfestations Are Indicators
Everything that occurs in your life; the interactions you have, the circumstances that arise, the bodily conditions, are all indicators of how you have been feeling.
If you have a negative manifestation; a pain, an injury, an accident, an irritation, an illness, a misbehaving dog, an ant infestation, an angry confrontation, a lost job, etc, be aware that you have had chronic negative thoughts that match the resulting manifestation.
If you've been unaware of what you've been thinking, you can deduce the chain of events by asking yourself: "How does this manifestation feel?"
For example:
If it feels irritating, you've been having irritated thoughts.
If it feels unjust, you've been thinking that things are unfair.
If it feels limiting, you've been thinking you are being held back in some way.
If it feels scary, you've been thinking insecure or powerless thoughts.
If it feels overwhelming, you've been thinking you do not have enough (time or money or energy, or resources)
All positive manifestations; kind people, green traffic lights, money coming in, happy synchronicities, easy transactions, disappearance of physical pain, the perfect mate appearing, funny happenstances, the perfect job coming to you, dreams being fulfilled effortlessly, etc, are all indicators of your habits of appreciation, love, eagerness, satisfaction or belief in your well-being.
Most people, when they don't know they have control over their thoughts, experience a vast mixture of good and bad manifestations. It seems so random and uncontrollable. But when you think thoughts based only on what you observe, not what you choose to focus on, the results are good, bad, bad, bad, good, bad...
When you notice a positive manifestation, savor it. Think about it, remember it, relish it. Doing that will solidify the vibration of living "in the vortex."
When you notice a negative manifestation, notice what it feels like, notice the association with what you have been thinking lately, and decide to change your mind about it.
Make yourself feel better about it. (Do a Focus Wheel or do the Moving Up The Vibrational Scale exercise, or the advanced version, Taking The Bounce, all described in the Tools section)
Negative manifestations are indicators and nothing more. You can have every deadly disease known to mankind and turn it around by deciding you can feel better by simply changing what you think. Those are called "miracles."
If you have a negative manifestation; a pain, an injury, an accident, an irritation, an illness, a misbehaving dog, an ant infestation, an angry confrontation, a lost job, etc, be aware that you have had chronic negative thoughts that match the resulting manifestation.
If you've been unaware of what you've been thinking, you can deduce the chain of events by asking yourself: "How does this manifestation feel?"
For example:
If it feels irritating, you've been having irritated thoughts.
If it feels unjust, you've been thinking that things are unfair.
If it feels limiting, you've been thinking you are being held back in some way.
If it feels scary, you've been thinking insecure or powerless thoughts.
If it feels overwhelming, you've been thinking you do not have enough (time or money or energy, or resources)
All positive manifestations; kind people, green traffic lights, money coming in, happy synchronicities, easy transactions, disappearance of physical pain, the perfect mate appearing, funny happenstances, the perfect job coming to you, dreams being fulfilled effortlessly, etc, are all indicators of your habits of appreciation, love, eagerness, satisfaction or belief in your well-being.
Most people, when they don't know they have control over their thoughts, experience a vast mixture of good and bad manifestations. It seems so random and uncontrollable. But when you think thoughts based only on what you observe, not what you choose to focus on, the results are good, bad, bad, bad, good, bad...
When you notice a positive manifestation, savor it. Think about it, remember it, relish it. Doing that will solidify the vibration of living "in the vortex."
When you notice a negative manifestation, notice what it feels like, notice the association with what you have been thinking lately, and decide to change your mind about it.
Make yourself feel better about it. (Do a Focus Wheel or do the Moving Up The Vibrational Scale exercise, or the advanced version, Taking The Bounce, all described in the Tools section)
Negative manifestations are indicators and nothing more. You can have every deadly disease known to mankind and turn it around by deciding you can feel better by simply changing what you think. Those are called "miracles."
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
If You Have a Negative Emotion and Ignore It, It Will Get Bigger #2
Once upon a time, not long ago, I had convinced myself that someone I loved was going to hurt me.
For two days, it was all I could think about. "I don't want to get blindsided, I don't want to get surprised, I don't want to get hurt."
On the third day, I got a text from that loved one that felt like a punch in the face. Or in the heart.
I made myself feel better (but not on that subject), and spent a pleasant evening. I went for a hike the next day feeling really good, noticing the great weather and reminiscing about other happy thoughts.. I saw some deer and I felt full of energy. I decided to run on the hilly, rocky trail.
Within a minute, I fell hard; chest-first on a big rock. I cracked my sternum. I had little rocks embedded deeply in both hands.
I got up gasping in pain, but determined to figure out why, when I had just been feeling so great, did I get hurt so badly.
I thought, "Okay, how does this feel? It feels surprising and painful."
"What else in my life has felt surprising and painful?"
Yup. That text.
Then all the fearful thoughts that had led up to the "surprising and painful" text over the last two days became clear.
I knew then I had to stop thinking the negative thoughts I had been thinking. I knew I didn't need to change any circumstance. The only thing I needed to do was make myself feel better about the relationship and my own well-being. I did a Focus Wheel exercise about it:
Starting with: I feel worried about....
Ending with: I know all is well because...
The cool thing that happens with the Focus Wheel is that when you start the ball rolling in the direction of feeling better, it gets easy to keep it going.
Everyone is different, but the thought that started the ball rolling for me was, "What (that person) does is none of my business"
"What anyone else does is only their effort to feel better. It has nothing to do with me."
I spent some time that day, as soon as I had removed the rocks from my hands, making myself feel genuinely better, and even really good, about the relationship I had been agonizing over, and about myself.
I realized that even though I had been feeling really good in the moment the 'accident' happened, I still had had a very strong vibration within me of the unresolved issue that I had ignored.
It took three months to recover from the cracked sternum, and it was the first thing that hurt whenever I felt any sort of negative emotion, but I felt very appreciative of the very, very clear lessons I received from that experience.
#1 You cannot control other people or protect yourself from unwanted things
#2 If you ignore a strong negative emotion, (and the thoughts that precede it) it will get bigger (in a very clear way)
#3 Changing how I feel is the only control I have; but when I do, the result I want occurs.
#4 The very thing I was afraid of was non-existent as soon as I made myself feel better.
#5 The powerful awareness of insecurity created tangible security as soon as I made myself feel better about it.
For two days, it was all I could think about. "I don't want to get blindsided, I don't want to get surprised, I don't want to get hurt."
On the third day, I got a text from that loved one that felt like a punch in the face. Or in the heart.
I made myself feel better (but not on that subject), and spent a pleasant evening. I went for a hike the next day feeling really good, noticing the great weather and reminiscing about other happy thoughts.. I saw some deer and I felt full of energy. I decided to run on the hilly, rocky trail.
Within a minute, I fell hard; chest-first on a big rock. I cracked my sternum. I had little rocks embedded deeply in both hands.
I got up gasping in pain, but determined to figure out why, when I had just been feeling so great, did I get hurt so badly.
I thought, "Okay, how does this feel? It feels surprising and painful."
"What else in my life has felt surprising and painful?"
Yup. That text.
Then all the fearful thoughts that had led up to the "surprising and painful" text over the last two days became clear.
I knew then I had to stop thinking the negative thoughts I had been thinking. I knew I didn't need to change any circumstance. The only thing I needed to do was make myself feel better about the relationship and my own well-being. I did a Focus Wheel exercise about it:
Starting with: I feel worried about....
Ending with: I know all is well because...
The cool thing that happens with the Focus Wheel is that when you start the ball rolling in the direction of feeling better, it gets easy to keep it going.
Everyone is different, but the thought that started the ball rolling for me was, "What (that person) does is none of my business"
"What anyone else does is only their effort to feel better. It has nothing to do with me."
I spent some time that day, as soon as I had removed the rocks from my hands, making myself feel genuinely better, and even really good, about the relationship I had been agonizing over, and about myself.
I realized that even though I had been feeling really good in the moment the 'accident' happened, I still had had a very strong vibration within me of the unresolved issue that I had ignored.
It took three months to recover from the cracked sternum, and it was the first thing that hurt whenever I felt any sort of negative emotion, but I felt very appreciative of the very, very clear lessons I received from that experience.
#1 You cannot control other people or protect yourself from unwanted things
#2 If you ignore a strong negative emotion, (and the thoughts that precede it) it will get bigger (in a very clear way)
#3 Changing how I feel is the only control I have; but when I do, the result I want occurs.
#4 The very thing I was afraid of was non-existent as soon as I made myself feel better.
#5 The powerful awareness of insecurity created tangible security as soon as I made myself feel better about it.
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