You Attract What You Think About!

Simple, real, everyday examples that demonstrate how your thoughts create everything in your life; year to year, day to day, moment to moment...

And the mind-bogglingly true, real-life, personal examples of how,

when you change what you think,

your life presents you with everything you have always wanted.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Intrinsic vs. Earned Worthiness

Recently I've become aware of the difference between intrinsic worthiness, that which you were born with, and earned worthiness, that which is endlessly sought.

In the past, I've done several examinations into my own sense of worthiness, and I have always convinced myself of my sure footing.
But when I looked at it from an understanding of intrinsic worthiness, I realized I didn't have it; what I have is entirely based on what I've done, what I've earned, what I look like, what I've accomplished, how people respond to me.

In the last few years, I've learned how to be a master of manifesting what I want by how I feel and what I think.
Yet, still, the measurement of 'worthiness' is still often based upon what I manifest.

Fascinatingly, the times I feel most wholly well and perfect and happy are the times I'm focusing with appreciation on someone or something else. Which makes perfect sense. You can't appreciate someone else without letting go of your own thoughts of limitation. And thoughts of limitation amount to the fact that you're measuring yourself.

How interesting. Stop measuring yourself? What is there to measure?

What would happen if you made your intrinsic self-worth more important than your social worth?
When you see a baby, do you believe it is worthy?  Most likely you see it as perfect and pure and deserving of all the love in the world. 
Can you see yourself the same way?
You would be a very happy person.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Worthiness and Expectation

Those two words, Worthiness and Expectation, are key components to how your life unfolds.

If you believe it matters what other people think of you, you have an unstable sense of worthiness.

If you feel good or bad according to what you've accomplished lately, you have an unstable sense of worthiness.

If you believe someone else has control over how you feel, you have an unstable sense of worthiness.

If you dislike those who are really rich, particularly those who don't work very hard but have lots of money, you have an unstable sense of worthiness.

If you believe your looks or your weight or your hairline or your bank balance or your job title or your education create a limit to your value (or your income), you have an unstable sense of worthiness.

What if you were to set all these factors aside? What if, for argument's sake, you were to believe 'worth' is something you're born with, and that comparisons of yourself to others are irrelevant?

Wouldn't that take 'worthiness' off the table?

Let's assume you agree with all of that.
And let's assume you were to remind yourself of your stable worthiness several times a day.
That means you would stop berating yourself, and you'd stop looking at people's faces to see how they feel about you(cuz they're just grumpy and it has nothing to do with you), and you'd stop second-guessing your decisions, and you'd spend some time appreciating things around you...

Your life would change dramatically for the better.

The other word is Expectation.
You tend to expect what has happened before.
But you get what you expect. (Law of Attraction is unerring that way)

How can you get a better outcome?

By using the focus of your mind to decide to expect what you want, not what you've been getting.

How do you do that?

Spend more time imagining what you want and less time noticing what you have and the outcome must change.
(That means no more thinking about, talking about, remembering, worrying about, complaining about... things you don't like)

How do I stop noticing the way things are, which are not so good?

Make peace with it.
Find a way to say, "I can live with this right now. It is what it is. It's temporary, and it's not so bad. I can even notice the good points about it."

Once you stop pushing against what you don't want, what you do want must come. You may not believe me. That's okay. You'll see.

Expectation is very powerful.

If you expect something will be hard, it will be hard.
When you expect your mate will act a certain way, he will.
When you expect money only comes from hard work, that's the only way it comes.

When you expect abundance to flow to you, because this is an abundant world (and abundance has nothing to do with 'worthiness'), money, and free time, and a variety of exciting jobs, and experiences, and supplies, and loving relationships present themselves to you like a buffet for you to choose from.

When you expect things to be easy, they are.

When you expect people to be kind and friendly and interesting and enlightening, they are.

When you expect great ideas to come to you, you stop trying to look for them and just let them come to you.

When you expect your kids to be amazing, they are.

When you expect your body to recover from any illness on the planet, it does.

Expectation contains eagerness and faith in well-being and enthusiasm and confidence---- and worthiness.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Love Game with Kids

I have started playing a new game in the car with the boys on the way to school. I call it The Love Game.

This morning, I started it by saying, "I love the color of that car in front of us." They all agreed it was a great color. Then I said, "I love that they've almost finished the 'Holey Moley' (road construction that includes a very big hole), I love that you guys got ready for school so quickly this morning. Paris' bath was the most efficient ever!"
I was going to continue on my roll, but Dane broke in to start his, "That was a quick bath! I love my mom and dad and I love my brothers, and I love the rats, and I love playing board games with Bebby, and I love building legos..."

Ian broke in and said, "I love any board games and I love legos and I love that we're getting to school so early and I love that Sylvia doesn't even want me to put her down, and I love that I have 5 dollars in my wallet..." Paris looked up from his doing homework in the back of the car and said, "I love you, Mom."

This is a game I've played by myself for quite a while. So much so that it's become a pretty intoxicating habit. It just occured to me to play with the boys, and they love it! After just a minute or two of either listening to someone else's list, or making their own, they all become so happy and eager for a wonderful day. Ahhh! Me too.

Friday, January 27, 2012

The Groove in The Brain

The Groove in the Brain

Our new rat made me think of this post.
We have two new rats. One is very outgoing and the other seems very fearful.
I noticed that the fearful one gets "stuck" in a state of fearfulness. She huddles in a corner for indefinite periods of time.
It occured to me that her brain may be stuck, so I took her out of the cage. When I did that, it jogged her out of her trance and she became a different rat. She became curious and friendly. Now, when she's taken out of the "stuck" corner and she's allowed to climb back into her cage on her own, she immediately wants to get back out to snuggle and explore some more. She had developed a groove in her brain that told her that she should be afraid.

Everyone has a set-point, or a habit of thought on a particular subject. On the positive side, the set-point may be Eagerness or Appreciation, or, on the negative side, Frustration or Irritation, or Overwhelmed or Worried or Fearful or Guilty or Sad, etc.….

Every single time the subject is noticed, the brain goes to its set-point.
Then, thoughts are generated by the brain which match that set-point, so the feelings are sustained until the thinker decides to change his mind.

It’s as if there is a groove worn in the brain and when a subject comes up, the thoughts skip immediately to that groove.
The brain is very creative in that it will search for a reason to justify the feeling.
Then the thinker believes the issue is what is making him feel bad, when in fact it’s feeling bad that is making him feel bad.

The thoughts you think, the groove you have worn in your brain, attract more circumstances that feel the same. It’s as if you have no control over what happens. But you do.
Your control is not in controlling circumstances, your control is in how you chronically think.

Set-points are changeable! Merely focusing your thoughts on purpose toward feeling better whenever you notice you are not feeling good, changes your set point.

For instance, let’s say lately that whenever you think of money, you feel an immediate sense of worry and your mind goes to thoughts about things you do not want to happen.

That tells you that the groove you have worn in your brain is that of Worry (or Fear or Dread.) Your mind immediately dials into that groove and you are drawn to thoughts that illustrate all kinds of scenarios you think you need to prevent or defend against.

Staying on the groove of Worry will not feel good and it will simply attract more events to worry about.

Your power is in changing the groove. There is no value in planning for the worst.

Think a thought that makes you feel better. Often the thought that feels better is a more general thought about money, but it needs to stay on the subject of money in order to change your set point.

For instance, “I’m okay right now. This bill doesn’t have to be paid right now. I feel a change coming, and this will mean nothing tomorrow.”
Once you say something to yourself that makes you feel better and you acknowledge that you feel better, you put the choice of your set-point in your own hands.
The set-point will not fall back to its previous point.

And when you know you can change the way you feel, your power is restored and your life will begin to show you a different result.
Do it again and again each time you notice a strong negative feeling about any subject.

Change your mind about it. And your life will show you the change.

We used physical means to snap the rat out of her groove, but outside that fearful groove her life is bountiful.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Emotion/Manifestation= Cause/Effect

In answer to a question about my experiences with contrast and negative emotion.
First I'll explain my view:
'Contrast' is any and every situation you encounter which causes a negative emotional response and the consequent (most often subconscious) 'asking' for improvement.
This very exposure to 'contrast' results in your expansion because in the moment you encounter it, you subconsciously 'ask' for the opposite.  Source energy immediately becomes the vibrational equivalent of the asking.  It is done. This is the expansion of you and the expansion of the universe.

And as a forward to this writing regarding these personal experiences, I'll define this:
'Unworthiness' is a socially-reinforced belief that's the root of many "problems."   I put quotes around 'problems' because the 'problem' that triggers the emotion is simply an exaggeration of a negative emotion (belief) that exists within you to begin with.
Feel unworthy (guilty, powerless, self-critical, depressed, sad) and the world will show you an excuse to feel unworthy.
In the beginning of my study of law of attraction, adjusting to believing in the truth of my own and everyone's intrinsic 'worthiness' was for me, easy and rapid and dramatic at first.  It seemed so right.

It then became a continual, gradual shedding of more, smaller and smaller, increasingly subtle remnants of the insidious, bogus belief in the need to earn value, the belief in the need for comparison to others, the belief in hourly pay and contribution as measurement of worth, and the belief in others' opinions.  For starters.

I'll give a small selection of examples of both positive and negative emotions followed by their manifestations in a cause/effect format:

These are prior to my awareness of law of attraction:
Painful breakup/Became fed up with feeling bad/Constant Appreciation of my single life/Perfect mate showed up

Miscarriages/Made peace with having no more kids/Immediate pregnancy and daydream for twins

Made peace with one kid/Pregnant with twins

Unchecked Fear of not enough money to run businesses/Money ran out, Folded businesses

Night terrors/Acupuncture and visualization exercise that opened my mind to intentional joy/Cessation of night terrors

These are following my understanding of law of attraction:
Powerlessness over my kid/Change in my thoughts about him/Unconditional love for and from him/Complete change in his behavior

Eagerness and Appreciation for law of attraction/Constant stream of new books appear that teach and thrill me

Unchecked self consciousness about qualifications (worthiness) to give seminars/Chronic cough that made me feel more self-conscious

Belief in the well being of people/Counseling sessions/Astonishing results

Appreciation of pictures of hawks/Hawk encounters/Massive appreciation/Hawks following me

Unchecked thoughts of self consciousness and embarrassment about loss of business/Weight gain that felt more self conscious and embarrassing

Belief in the possibility of seeing deer for the first time in years/Next day close encounter with deer/Massive appreciation for deer encounter/Deer interactions every single day

Confusion about things/Made peace with not knowing/Answers come while hiking and cleaning house

Desire and Belief in the ability to communicate with transitioned people/Made peace with not being able to do that/Brother appeared and had a conversation with me the morning he died (and several since)

Unchecked Fear of possible heartache/Cracked sternum/Release of control of others' behavior, release of others' responsibility for my emotions, release of the concept of 'dread,' (which is worry about something that hasn't happened)/Freedom, Unconditional Love/Exponentially better relationship

Desire to write a book/Made peace with no book contract/Delight in writing blog/Commission to write a book.

 What I had been living prior to understanding directing my thoughts had relied not only on the need for others' approval, but need for others' repeated, positive feedback (because 'value' and 'deservedness' were transitory)!

I've now been asked to explain the process that occurs when I encounter contrast, feel negative emotion, and address it in order to feel better (and therefore raise my vibrational stance on that subject).

In this example, I felt angry.
Feeling anger almost always means I have hit the bottom of the scale in some sense of powerlessness with a thought about something that has just happened. And then in the blink of another thought, I automatically reached for something better; anger.

In this example, the 'contrast' was simply that Brad had asked me to do a favor for him, ie wake up early and take kids to school (on 2 hrs of sleep).
#1  I could agree to do it out of obligation (out of the vortex),
#2  I could say no and feel guilty (out of the vortex).
#3  An in-the vortex solution I can't think of right now...

I felt a flash of anger and enjoyed the feeling of it for a little while.  (The feeling of Being Right, feeling righteous, a momentary sense of power)
I then recognized the purpose of my anger: (to pull myself out of powerlessness on the subject), then isolated the thought that triggered the powerless feeling, "No matter what I do in this situation I will feel bad"

The 'problem' is meaningless except for the value it gives me in recognizing a belief, thought, vibration, that is not serving me.
By the way, I chose (not given earlier because not available out of the vortex, but fully apparent in the vortex)
Option #3, Feel good about the idea of taking them to school and then take them to school.
Then I went on a hike and did a focus wheel that started with: "I don't deserve my unlimited freedom if you (Brad) don't have it too."
It ended with, "You (Brad) are just as free as I am and there is no question of our worthiness to enjoy it"

Monday, January 16, 2012


I've been absent from the blog for several weeks while writing a book, and then another book.
I'll talk more about how perfect this book manifestation has been in my life, but for now, I have a subject that intrigues me that I'd like to share with you.

Kim Kardashian!
No, I'm not really kidding, because I always look at people through the lens of Law of Attraction, and this a great example to share, along with an excerpt from my counseling study guide about couples.

Here's an excerpt from the book  (meant for counselors)

Couples come to therapy because they believe the dynamic of their relationship is making them unhappy. 
Often they believe they need a third party to convince their partner that he/she needs to change.

They are struggling in some stressful situation and looking to each other for comfort, but neither is able to give it, so they blame each other.

The first step in establishing a paradigm shift in the couple is to say to each of them, “You are not responsible for your partner’s happiness.”  And
“Your partner is not responsible for your happiness.”

And as in all situations, the circumstance is not making you unhappy, your thoughts are making you unhappy.

When you ask someone else to behave in a way that will make you feel better, or when you say I cannot feel better until this problem is solved, that is the definition of conditional love.  You are saying, “I cannot love (be happy, be who I really am: a loving, whole, inspired, inspiring person) unless this condition changes.”

What if each partner was responsible for his/her own happiness?  If they truly assert their own power to make themselves happy, each partner would be with a happy person.  How would that partnership feel? 
What does it feel like to be in the presence of a happy person?  It feels joyous.  It feels fun and funny and spontaneous.  It feels real and free and powerful and tremendously loving.

What does it mean to make yourself happy within a relationship?
The word “selfish” comes up (from people who don’t know what it really means).
What does ‘selfish’ mean?  It means being fully your self.  Life is only experienced through self.

What are the wishes of each person within the relationship?  They were drawn together because they will mutually benefit each other and are a match in many ways.
Do they desire the same type of relationship?  Do they both desire monogamy?  Do they each desire children or not?  Do they desire a domestic life or an adventurous life? 

Let’s discuss the concept of seeking others’ approval.
Our society teaches a sort of value-by-approval system.  Early on, parents approve of behaviors and exhibit love and approval when we behave in a certain way, ie, when we do something that makes the parent feel good. It feels good to get their approval.  It feels bad to lose it. Conditional love.
We are then taught a grading system in school, which rates our behavior and our ability to perform according to our age and in comparison to others.  It feels good to get an A it feels bad to get a D.
We’re taught to compete and compare with one another for approval.
We’re taught that we can’t win the mate we want unless we look good enough or make enough money or have that ‘thing’ that gives us the upper hand over others.
We’re told we can’t compete in the job market unless we work hard and outperform others.  And people who make more money are respected more and have more power than people who make less. 
This societal training replaces our own natural inner sense of well-being and goodness and perfection with that of a fickle, transitory, endless, false seeking of others’ approval.

This is contrary to what we were born knowing; We were born as a perfect, whole, worthy expression of (source energy) God.  The idea of ‘earning’ value and love and well-being is a complete fallacy and illusion.

Within a couple, if you think you need to hold the approval of your mate in order to feel good you will be repeatedly disappointed with him and/or with yourself.

Think of the implications; you feel good when someone is gazing upon you with love.
You feel loved and deserving of that love.  This is especially apparent when you are ‘falling in love.’
What happens when his gaze is focused on work or other people in his life?  Or what happens when he is in a bad mood while focused upon you?
Are you no longer loved?  Are you no longer deserving of love?  Is he no longer holding up his end of the bargain? What’s wrong with him?
What’s wrong with you that he’s no longer focusing on you with adoration?

He cannot feel love while feeling frustrated or overwhelmed or guilty or powerless…  It has nothing to do with you!

The very idea of feeling good being reliant upon others’ behavior is doomed to heartache.  It’s a powerless, unnatural, painful state of being.

Freedom is the most important, most natural state for any individual.  Freedom is a sense of self-empowerment.
Let’s look at the perception of lack of freedom with in a relationship.  When someone feels trapped they seek freedom because they know freedom is their natural state of being.  A ‘trapped’ person confuses physical freedom with emotional freedom.

Real freedom is freedom of thought.  Freedom is feeling free to feel good no matter what.  Freedom is acting upon inspiration not motivation (taking action while feeling good, not taking action in order to feel good.)   Freedom is feeling responsible for one’s own emotions and not another’s.  Freedom is the antithesis of obligation.  Freedom is the ability to love unconditionally.   Freedom is belief in one’s own and in others’ unique, perfect path and the trust in well-being.

If this couple has decided they have desires which are in concert with one another, and that they value each other’s own responsibility for happiness, their partnership will thrive.

How do each of them “assert their own power to make themselves happy”?

1. Focus daily, hourly, moment-to-moment on feeling good by focusing on things to appreciate and by stopping negative thought.

2. When feeling bad, focus on thoughts that feel better.

3. Release your partner’s responsibility for your happiness.

4. Trust and respect your partner’s path and know that their experience is their own and does not have anything to do with your well-being.

5. Trust in your own well-being.

6. Release all impulses to control anything about your partner.

7. Makes lists of things you appreciate about your partner often.

8. Relish those moments when you both come together feeling wonderful.  Remember those moments.  Recall them throughout the day. 

9. Intend to have conversations only when feeling good.  Excuse yourself from any conversation in which you don’t feel good. Say, “I need some time to feel better (or get back to myself or back in the vortex, or back to God, or whatever sounds right to you)

10. Do things for one another out of inspiration, not motivation. (inspiration comes from within, motivation from without)
Never agree to do something for your partner in order to please her (and gain approval for you).  Say, ‘let me think about your request’; make yourself feel good; then consider the request. 
If you want to do it out of love and inspiration, do it.  If you don’t want to do it, lovingly decline.
In therapy, sometimes one member of the couple seems more open to suggestion, more willing to change.  Lead him or her in feeling good and the other will likely follow.
Feeling good is contagious.
If one or both of them are feeling angry (or vengeful), a one-on-one session is called for.
(refer to the Emotional Scale)

Anger is almost always an indication that the client has been feeling powerless.
The impulse to feel anger or rage or revenge is a natural movement toward feeling better.  Anger has energy, where powerlessness has none.  Anger (rage or revenge blame or even jealously) feels much better than guilt or grief or sadness or victim hood (powerlessness).
Powerlessness feels so bad because it is as far as one can get from his connection to his true self.

The goal when counseling a powerless-feeling person through anger and beyond, (ultimately to appreciation and love and empowerment), is to emphasize that this is a process of energy and thought (and faith and trust) within one’s self, and never one of action.

In couple’s therapy, the likely target for anger is the partner, since this is the issue that is most current. 
The partner need not know of any of the statements made.
If you can get the client to feel angry on purpose, and acknowledge that 1) he feels better, and 2) he felt better under his own power, this is the key to self-empowerment.

It doesn’t matter whether the statements of anger are justifiable or fair.  It only matters that the client feels a sense of relief.

A common scenario on the path toward feeling better: rage- revenge-anger- less anger…  Then blame.  Then disappointment.
These are simply statements made by the client which make him feel better. 

Have him make a statement and gauge how he feels.  If a statement doesn’t produce a feeling of relief, try another.  Once the feeling of relief is reached, have him make a few statements within that better-feeling place to solidify the feeling.

Everyone is different.  On the emotional scale you can see which emotions are better-feeling as you go up the scale.  It’s not possible to jump very far on the scale in one thought.  Have the client work his way up gradually.  The key is a feeling of relief.

After disappointment often comes frustration or impatience.  Statements of pessimism are often an illumination of possibility, if only for a moment.

Contentment is the key to “making peace with what is”.  Statements that reflect contentment acknowledge that things are not so bad and that there are good things about the relationship.  These are encouraging signs, which lead to hope and optimism and eagerness and ultimately, appreciation.

The ideal way to end a session that started with anger is to end with appreciation for the partner.

Feelings of appreciation and love are natural and life-giving and empowering.

I'll keep following Kim's shows.  Yes, it's hard, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make in the name of research.  She may decide that this event was painful enough to warrant a look at the power of her own emotions  But if she doesn't, we'll likely see some more embarrassed/powerless manifestations.