Why Feel Better?

Why Feel Better?

To answer that, first ask: Why do people worry?

If you believe you must control circumstances in order to assure your well-being….

You must then believe your well-being is negotiable.  Unstable. Transitory. Conditional.

You must also believe there are random, unpredictable things to guard against,

Or you believe in scarcity and the concept of competing for limited resources,

Or you believe bad things may happen if you aren’t prepared.

Or you believe something bad will get worse,

Or you believe in the need for your constant effort to qualify,

Or you believe other people have control over your circumstances…

None of those things are real.  All of those thoughts are just thoughts which contradict your true nature and your true self.

You live in a state of constant diligence.  It’s as if you feel you can’t take your eyes off the road or you will crash.  Worrying is normal for you.  Worrying feels necessary.

Why would you make the effort to feel better if feeling better means taking your eyes off the road?

What if you were to believe that your well-being is assured?

What if you were to believe that your every request has been answered, but you have been unable to see them because your eyes have been on the road?

Worrying is the opposite of faith.

What would not worrying feel like?

Try it for a moment.

Try it again.

It feels very good, doesn’t it?

That’s who you really are.

Your Predictable Brain

Your brain has to do something.  It can't shut itself off.
(unless you do it on purpose during focused meditation, for instance.)

If you don't remind yourself to feel good, which is your natural state of being, this is what happens:

If left to its own devices, your brain is going to settle on thoughts which are familiar.
Also known as your set-point, when you notice something that doesn't feel good, there's a virtual groove carved in your brain that your brain skips to, as if on a record with a large groove.  Once settled into this groove, your thoughts don't vary from the theme. 
There are different set-points according to the subject at hand, but there may also be an overriding set-point about your life in general.
You then receive a steady stream of thoughts which justify the feeling.
What?  The thoughts justify the feeling, not the circumstance justifies the thoughts?

Ah hah!  The thoughts justify the feeling.  When you habitually skip to a thought of worry, for instance, your brain searches for reasons to back up this feeling.
In other words, the circumstance, or problem that has come to mind, has no current relevance other than to use as an excuse for feeling bad.
You remain on this train of thought until you get fed up with feeling bad and you accidentally pay attention to something that makes you feel better.
You feel better for a while, until something else catches your attention, triggers a negative thought, and off your brain goes to the negative groove.
This kind of life feels like an exhausting, powerless struggle.

Do you have a set-point of Worry?  Or Overwhelm?  Or Frustration?
The set-points may be diffferent for Work or Money or Relationships, etc.
A set-point of Worry attracts more things to you that make you worry.  A set-point of Frustration does the same.  A set-point of Overwhelm magnifies a feeling of scarcity and limitation.

Once you realize that the problems that seem to be making you feel bad are in fact the fuel your brain has chosen to feed a habit of thought...
You then become inspired to change the groove, or set-point.

Changing a set-point is easy.
1) Believe that feeling better will benefit you.  (see Why Feel Better?, coming next)
2) Focus on a troublesome thought, make yourself feel better about it, and your set-point, or groove, is changed.

You can create a positive groove; one of love and appreciation and eagerness and unlimitedness and creativity.  Keep raising your set-point on every subject that comes up and your life will be more joyous and exciting and enlivening and inspiring than you can imagine.

Unexpected, Perfect Manifestation

I've encountered a manifestation that blows my mind.
I've been wanting to teach the Law of Attraction, as I have been, but in a bigger way.
I've given seminars and classes and consulted one-on-one with a number of people.  All of those experiences were extremely satisfying, on a small scale.
I've also been on a continuous quest to know more through my experiences.

A couple of months ago I was contacted by a high school classmate (who really didn't know me) who had been reading my Facebook posts.  He just wanted to say how much he liked reading my status updates.  He also said he had read one of my blog posts which intrigued him enough to want to know more.

This classmate has a PhD in counseling and is a pastoral counselor for a hospital and works as a clinical psychologist seeing patients for couples therapy and grief counseling and job counseling and so on.  He acts as mentor for other counselors.

After some written exchanges and a phone call, he asked me to mentor him in his counseling practice and in his personal life.  This is as a result of my writings about, and our conversation about, the Law of Attraction.

The extent of the magnitude of this perfect manifestation for both of us is still becoming clear.

We have had many, many hours of communication by computer messaging and by phone conversations.
He has asked hundreds of questions which have stretched my ability to articulate the answers.  Yet they have come easily.
The joy that I get from these exchanges is so great, I literally feel shaky from the energy of the conversations.
Even though I'm giving the answers, I know more than I did before.
But what is extraordinary is the joy I get from his upliftment.  He is happier in his life.  His wife says that he is more energetic and happier.  He says that he is now a better counselor and a better mentor.

But the piece de resistance is that he is using his new counseling methods and getting instant results.
He is using these methods in his mentoring practice and getting renewed energy and optimism from the other counselors.
He asked me to write a counseling manual entitled 'A New Model for Counseling' which we just spent the last 11 hours writing together.

As a detail of amazement for me:  This man is Catholic, spent 3 years in seminary in preparation to become a priest (but decided to get married instead), and practices in the church.  I am and have always considered myself atheist (without religion).  The fact that our communications are so profound and so in agreement in a spiritual way has demolished my limited view of religion (and his limited view of non-religion).

I wanted an expanding, profound connection with someone (in addition to my husband!) who understood what I was saying.  I wanted a larger audience.  I wanted to learn more.  I wanted to be able to articulate the details in an easily understandable way.  I wanted to write a book.  All of these things have happened in a way I never expected in a million years.

I am so full of joy I can hardly stand it.

A New Level!

I know how to direct thought, feel better, then receive manifestations of that new emotional set-point.  I've been practicing and fine-tuning my thoughts consciously for two years now, and my life is just astonishing and fantastic and getting better all the time.

Three days ago I realized that even though I've consistently been feeling good, I've now reached a new, even-better-feeling set point.  And what's especially great is that it's been happening naturally, with no focused effort on my part.  Because it's now my set-point, my brain goes there easily and often.

What I noticed is I'm so easily pleased and amused and delighted.  I find so many things so funny.  The wittiest things to say at just the right moments come out of my mouth.
Watching a college football game between two teams I care nothing about is engaging and hilarious.
My kids are suddenly even cuter.  Their friends seem more charming to me. 
I have so much energy.  My gut is so calm (even when I see something I don't want!)
I have impulses to play and converse and clean stuff and tell people I love them.  And to be still.  With no agenda.  And to pet my cat for as long as he wants it.

The manifestations of this new level are glaringly apparent.
The normally grumpy lady in the checkout lane is joking and laughing with me.
Each of my kids want to lie on the couch with me and look in my eyes and talk about funny things for a while. (These are 9 and 10-year-old boys who have other things to do!)

Everything is so easy.  The great parking spots, the green lights, the helpful clerks, the great idea, the timely phone call giving me the perfect book reference, the great music everywhere...
Everyone I run into is in a good mood and wants to play and joke. 
Answers come even more easily.

At several different points during the last few days, my husband and I have been hanging out together, talking or not talking about nothing in particular for hours... while at the same time acknowledging the significance of how good it feels to actually live in the moment with each other.

The newness of this was not lost on us.  We, like most people, have been task-oriented.  In the past, we've had many long conversations, but they were full of purpose and intensity and goals of communication to achieve.  Even a conversation seemed to have an agenda and a sense of entertainment or intelligence value.  And then if the goals of the conversation have been reached, it's on to the next task.

In contrast, this new level of easy joy has been reflected in our way of interacting with each other for the last few days.  (Yes, all your relationships meet you where you are).
Overused phrases, but apt here in describing our conversations:  Being in the moment, being fully present, appreciating everything on a constant, subconscious level, having no time constraints, and having nothing to prove left us feeling even more appreciative of each other and of ourselves.

I'm not saying I didn't pop out of the vortex here and there over these last few days. 
I did, in fact have a wonderful few moments of feeling angry, which I used as my topic of focus (to do a Focus Wheel exercise) during my latest hike.
BTW, feeling angry almost always means you're feeling powerless about something.  Which always means you're thinking there is some circumstance you think you need to control...

I had had some small, residual thoughts about my 'worthiness', ie; if a manifestation is not here yet, I must be doing something wrong. 
That thought was an old long-held belief that I had been fine-tuning to the point now where it very rarely comes up. 
The subject was so easily and thrillingly resolved.  No kidding, when you feel a strong emotion, the purposeful moving of the energy back up to joy is an exhilarating thing.

The revelation for me about this new level of happiness is that it really is an effortless, natural state of being.  It's everyone's natural state of being. 
That's why it's so uncomfortable to feel worried or frustrated or sad.  It's so completely contrary to your self.
It took some practice to focus thoughts toward feeling better, but it's a joyful practice that continues to get easier and easier and better and better.

There's No Such Thing As Worthiness

What does it mean to feel worthy?  To feel deserving, as determined by others or by God.  To feel good about yourself.  To feel confident in who you are.  To feel good enough. To feel accomplished.

There is no such thing as worthiness because there is no such thing as unworthiness.
The very process of trying to achieve 'worthiness' is backward.
You were born 'worthy', and it cannot be lost, so the act of trying to achieve it leaves you looking forever.

We try to become worthy of love from others by what we do and what we say and how we look.
We try to become worthy of a pile of money by working hard or being nice to someone who has some, or by suffering so much someone will rescue us.
We try to be worthy of a particular job by working hard or earning a degree and being compared favorably over everyone else applying for the job.

What you want is not the attention from others or the job or the money.  What you want is the way you will feel when you have those things.  You think you will feel 'worthy'.  And you probably will for a minute.
What you really want is to feel free and happy and confident and loving and fun and joyous and excited and playful. 
When are in in that state, you love who you are.  You like your own company.  You see why others want to be with you.  The answers to all your questions appear in the minute you ask them.  You feel powerful.  You are powerful.  You feel love and appreciation for life and for yourself.

How do you achieve a state of love and appreciation for yourself?
Look around for things to love.
Become one who loves.
Appreciate anything and everything you can find.  And when you do, you find it everywhere.
Do it all day long. Practice!

In continuing to observe things to appreciate, you become that person who is 'worthy'.
In continuing to observe things to appreciate, you make a habit of being joyful. 
In your continued appreciation, you go from moments of love to a consistent state of love.
In a state of love, you are that person you want to be.
In a state of appreciation you are powerful.
In a state of love and appreciation you are living in joy. 

You will never again look for ways to qualify for the life you want.  You will never question your love for yourself again.

Joy At the Grocery Store

I went to the grocery store today feeling okay.
Not super-duper. Just okay.
I prefer super-duper.

I noticed a man being playful with his son. I watched them and appreciated them for a while.

I noticed products that I could buy that would be delicious for my lunch. I imagined myself enjoying that lunch.

I noticed things I could buy that my kids would enjoy.
That sent me into happy thoughts and images and remembered exchanges with my kids. I laughed out loud.
Definitely moving up from "okay".

I suddenly noticed the song playing on the audio system was one I really liked.
I started singing it to myself. Joy is very close.

Then a man said, "Nice dimples."
I hadn't realized I was smiling.
OOOOH, that feels good to connect on a happy level with someone else!
Better still.

I went to the checkout lane and found one empty. I pulled in, then danced back to the end of the lane to see if I wanted to add a magazine to the pile when I slipped on a grape.

I said loudly enough from the end of the conveyor belt for the cashier to hear, "There's a grape on the floor that I slipped on. I almost died."
The response was beautifully electric. The entire mass of people within earshot giggled, smiled, exchanged happy looks with one another.

I'm in the vortex and I just lured you all in too!
Joy, joy, joy!

The cashier called to the clean-up crew: "There's a grape on the floor and this lady slipped on it. She almost died."

Everyone laughed and watched as he cleaned it up so they could prolong the connection and the joke.

I left the grocery store in a state of joy and appreciation and love that stayed with me for the rest of the evening. My boys could feel it and they joined in my playfulness. The only way they knew how to express the contagious feeling was to hug me and tell me how much they love me.

Answer to a Reader's Question

How do you stay centered and focused when you are used to dwelling in an anxious or depressed or negative state...?"

You're asking about 'habit of thought'.
You created this habit out of beliefs.
A 'belief' is only a thought you keep thinking.

You believe it's necessary to have a plan of defence, to be prepared, to prevent being blind-sided... in order to avoid pain.
You believe pain is an inevitable result of misfortune or negative judgements of others, or payment for your shortcomings.
You also believe you must control circumstances.
You believe others' opinions determine your well-being.

Also, there is an insidiousness of this habit that is simply a lack of awareness of the ability to steer your own thoughts.
During the hours you're awake, you have to think about something!
Your brain is a focusing mechanism.
It's simply easy (lazy) to think about what you observe, rather than what you want to observe.

This constant state of distrust of well-being is only a habit borne of a lifetime of conditioning. Comparison to others, grades, income, conditional love, belief in 'worthiness'...

The good news is that this belief can be dropped forevermore.

And the simple step toward doing that is the belief that you must. And that you can. Easily.

Let's go back to the premise of the question.
You cannot STAY always in a joyous state, ever.
It is necessary to observe 'contrast' in order to form the new question. (and reason for your expansion)
In the observance of the unwanted situation you feel negative emotion.

The question then is: "How do you BECOME centered and focused (receptive of what you want instead).
Decide you want to. Decide it is the source of your connectedness to your well-being.. Decide it has nothing to do with the actions of others, the opinions of others, the existence of the unwanted circumstance.
Pay attention to how you feel.
If you feel 'not good', know that this train of thought is contrary to the solution.
Make a statement. to yourself about that subject that makes you feel better. Or drop the subject!
Once you feel better, you will see evidence of the Universe's (or God's) positive, perfect, life-giving response to your asking.
The goal will be that 90% of your daily life will be spent in love or apprecation or joy or interest or enthusiasm or fun or eagerness or contentment...with a feeling of ease and security and adventure and delight. 10% of your time will be spent in moments of attention toward the subjects you want to improve.

Circumstances

"My circumstances are dire.  I lost my job.  I don't know how I'm going to pay the bills.  I believe I cannot get a job that will make enough money unless I get an advanced education, and I don't have time and my education is costing me too much, and even if I get the education I still have to compete with all these other people for the job...

As focusing human beings, you came to this life (temporarily) to focus upon circumstances in order to create constant improvement, and for you to feel the joy of sailing from less to more by your thought alone.

Everything you encounter that you do not like is the launching point for something better.
When you encounter anything you don't like, you 'ask' consciously or subconsciously, for improvement.
In the moment you 'ask', the improvement is created.  That is the expansion of the universe and the expansion of you.

When you encounter: you create;
Not enough: plenty
Limitations: unlimitedness
A rude person: nicer interactions
A lack of resources: more resources
A lost job: a better job
A lost relationship: a better relationship
The passing of a loved one: understanding of eternity

Your ability to receive the created result is dependent upon your belief in the existence of the result.
The way to achieve belief in the existence of the result is to make yourself feel better.

It's not about doing things to improve the situation.  In fact, actions that you take while out of the vortex (while feeling overwhelmed or scared or worried, etc) are counterproductive.

You make yourself feel better by saying anything you can think of that gives you even the slightest sense of relief on that subject.

Another way to look at it:
The circumstance you are fretting about is actually past tense.
The current circumstance is a manifestation of past thought.  New manifestations will match new thought.

In time, you'll appreciate the energy, the challenge, the 'juice', the focus that unwanted circumstances provide you.  And as you manage your ever-increasing time in the vortex, you'll notice more and more circumstances to appreciate.

How My Life Changed

A couple of years ago, I had been having night terrors(nightmares)--dreams in which I was so certain of my very real and impending death that I ran out of the room in my sleep.
I went to an acupuncturist who directed me through a visualization exercise that sent me into a state of pure joy.
The shocking awareness that resulted was of the vast difference I felt between the feeling of Joy while lying on the table and of the Anxiety that I normally felt.
I didn't know I had been feeling anxious. I thought how I felt was normal. And I thought how I felt was completely dependent upon what was going on in my life.
But when I lay on the acupuncturist's table and felt joy from my thoughts, I knew I was on to something life-changing.

When I discovered the direct and powerful and instantaneous connection between what I think about and what I feel, I was astonished.
It also made sense in the context of Law of Attraction, which I had heard of (by the video, The Secret) and was intrigued by, but didn't yet understand.

Then books pertaining to the Law of Attraction began to fall in my lap.  Every time I went to a bookstore and was drawn to a book, or saw a book review, or was offered a book by someone, it always had Law of Attraction as its subject.  Even my husband, who was repelled by The Secret, felt compelled to buy a copy of The Alchemist for me.  He had no idea what it was about, but it was a fable about Law of Attraction.  He eventually loved the book, by the way.
I started to read everything, starting with the scientific basis of how this universal law worked.

I got more and more excited about it. I spent a lot of time reading and thinking about how the world may in fact be so much more than I can see, and about why it really is so precise and perfect and unerring and interconnected and flawless.
At that time I also began to have vivid dreams that demonstrated my new understanding.  The dreams felt thrilling.
The more I let go of the limited view I had grown up with, the more my life became what I had always wanted it to be.

I began the practice of making myself feel better.  All day, every day I would take note of how I was feeling and if I didn't feel good I would intentionally focus on anything I could think of that felt good.

I also began the practice of intentionally feeling better about a subject that was troubling me.  I loved the Abraham-hicks tool called the Focus Wheel, and used it daily on various subjects.

I gradually let go of the need for circumstances (or the behavior of people) to make me feel good. I learned that my thoughts were responsible for how I felt (and for the circumstances that then showed up, which had matched how I felt).

During this time, in 2008, I let my two businesses, one of which I had been operating for 23 years, fold.
I challenged myself with the task of feeling better about empoyees no longer having jobs (with me).
I challenged myself with the task of feeling better about my husband becoming the primary wage-earner.
I challenged myself with the task of not 'producing' anything.
I challenged myself with the task of letting go of clients' disappointment with my leaving them.
I challenged myself with not getting accolades.  (there really aren't any accolades for cleaning the house!)
I challenged myself with the idea that my investor in my second business lost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

I used every one of these topics, and many more, in Focus Wheel and Moving Up The Vibrational Scale exercises.  I genuinely reached a place of joy and appreciation on every single one of those challenging topics.

Consequently, I now have constant joy and love and abundance and freedom and experiences that I would not have had were it not for those challenges.

One interesting point of background to this story is that I had always been an atheist.
And I mean the literal sense of the word which is without religion, not against religion.

I grew up without religion.  I always thought that this is all there is.  What I can see and feel is it.  And when I die there is no more.
I believed there was randomness and luck and unfairness and limited resources and competition and a required course of hard work and struggle and correct mate choice and correct career choice and correct child rearing and daily re-earning of value...

When I understood what Law of Attraction really is, I saw that every single one of those beliefs were ridiculous.

It was a process of understanding, but once the ball got rolling, it was an exhilarating path of discovery.
But it wasn't just the thrill of reading words that felt right to me, it was that my life started acting the way the books said it would.
First, I felt so much better.  I had let go of the idea that worry was a useful thing. 

I began to focus on good-feeling thoughts on purpose.

I began feeling good more of the time (in contrast to the constant anxiety that I hadn't even been aware of before..)
Then things immediately began to happen that made me feel good. 

When I focused my thoughts on appreciating clients I had, more clients appeared who were easy to appreciate.

When I stopped focusing on empty bank accounts and focused on the abundance of ideas and abundance of love and abundance of freedom and abundance of produce in the grocery store, the bank accounts filled up again.

When I looked for things to appreciate about annoying people, they became wonderful to be around.

When I playfully expected smooth traffic, empty parking spots, exemplary service, happy conversations, animals on my hikes... they were always there.

I also began enjoying my own company.  I began to enjoy quiet, which I rarely had before.  I began to enjoy long hikes (which I used to hate) and cleaning house, (same).
I began to notice that there were qualities about people that I loved.  (I used to be very critical and picky about the people I would hang out with).  I noticed people seemed to be funnier.

I began to appreciate my children in new ways.  They suddenly began to act more loving.

I also noticed an extraordinary and amazing thing.  Whenever I had a question about anything, I could go for a hike or sit in a chair and suddenly know the answer.

Also, one morning I was lying awake in my bed when my brother appeared in my vision and started talking to me in German.   The language was something we had in common, and especially one word he used, 'erinerest', (remember) had been a word we had used with each other as teenagers (just because it's difficult to pronounce, but we both enjoyed that we could pronounce it). 
He was so exhilarated by the trasition he had just experienced, and he said that he had already gone to our favorite spot in Hawaii and he had also gone to where we had lived in Japan...
My mother called shortly thereafter to tell me he had died a couple of hours ago.

I knew that my new gift of joy had allowed me to communicate with my newly-transitioned exhuberant brother. (same channel!)

But regardless of the incredible, constant, miraculous manifestations I receive every single day, what I value most of all is the ability to feel good.

What is Trust?

What do we mean about having trust, or losing trust?

1) There's the trust you have in other people to behave in a way you want them to, or in the way they say they are going to.

2) There's trust in your own well-being, or trust in the environment around you.

3) There's the trust in your ability to handle an unwanted situation.

Let's look at each one separately.
1) Trust in other people is conditional love.

If you require someone else to behave in a particular way in order for you to feel good, that is conditional love. Conditional love says: under these conditions, I can feel loving toward you (and toward myself).
If you find yourself in this struggle, the emphasis you must take is that toward feeling love for yourself and toward appreciation for the motivations of others (which have nothing to do with you).
Everyone behaves in a way in which they believe will make them feel better.  They do so based on their own unique experiences and their own unique point of view and their own unique goals as human beings. 
How they behave has nothing to do with you. 
How they behave has nothing to do with your value.
How they behave has nothing to do with your well-being.


2)Trust in your own well-being or in your environment. Let's say you have had a traumatic event that has caused a perspective of fear about your vulnerability within your environment.

Your belief that there is a source of evil or a source of illness or a source of randomness creates a sense of vulnerability.
You have the belief that it's simply enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time to become victim to evil (in another person, or an illness, or a virus, or an accident...)

I spent a few years in a heightened sense of anxiety about rapists and car accidents and death and law suits and the weather and perceived 'value' to others... I found out it's all an illusion!

There is no source of evil. 'Evil' is people acting 'out of the vortex' in an attempt to feel better.
There is no source of illness. Illness is exaggerated emotion.  There are bacterias and viruses and diseases which are manifestations depicting exactly the way you have been feeling.
Again, this is another blog to expand upon.

The earth is an incredibly complex and perfectly balanced example of expanded and expanding life, as is the human body and any cell you care to examine more closely.  There is no danger that humans are threatening the earth's well-being.

There is no source of 'bad luck'. There is no source of 'accident'. Everything is either allowing or not allowing well-being.
Everything you attract is a perfect match to your state of mind. 
This is a good subject to expand upon for a later post.

3)Trust in your ability to handle a future unwanted situation (and the perceived pain around it).
There is nothing more useless than 'dread'.
Dread is an imagined situation and your imagined painful response to it.
Really? You want to feel pain now about a problem that doesn't even exist?

Aside from the silliness of that, how is your skill at feeling better?
Do you know how to focus on a thought that feels better?
If you do, that is ALL your power.
If you don't, why not start now?

As a reminder, you create your own reality.  By your thoughts.  Period.

Law of Attraction draws to you what you believe.  If you believe in danger, bad people, bad luck, illness and struggle... you will see and live more of that.
....Yet another blog post subject.

If you believe there is only well-being and dis-allowance of well-being (based only upon what you think!), you have the power to create the life you came to live.

Trust is a misunderstood concept. All you need is trust in the consistency and wellness and perfection of source energy, (you can call it God if you like) and of yourself as an embodiment of source energy right now.  Nothing needs to change.   All is well.  All you need is a change in the perspective in your role in your own life and you will see in yourself, and in the world, its constant, eternal, ever-present goodness and perfection.

Manifestations as Clues

Yesterday I spent about two and a half hours writing an extra-brilliant blog post.  I had erased a line I had just written, but the entire post erased.
Aaargh.  That was pretty dramatic.  Attention-grabbing.

At that moment I wanted to feel better, so I consciously blew it off to go watch TV with my hunny.
I knew I would address it tomorrow.
However, in the middle of the night I awoke with the question on my mind, Why did that happen?

Here's what I thought to myself: 
This is a manifestation of how I have been unwittingly feeling.  A clue!
What did it feel like?  Disappointing.
But it's a pretty big disappointment, that must mean I've been feeling disappointed about other things.

Yup.  I do remember feeling very disappointed over missing an entire night's sleep the night before.

I also remember feeling disappointed the day before that over discovering the $100 gift certificate I was going to use had expired.

And I remember feeling disappointed two days ago over not having received a check I was expecting.

What to do now?  Change the channel!   I've obviously been vibrating a low level of 'disappointment', so now I would like to adjust this frequency on this subject. (the subject being my perceived level of control over things manifesting when and how I want them to)

By the way, I'll explain here that this is called Fine Tuning.  I had not been feeling disappointed all the time for the last 3 days.  It had simply come up once, I ignored it, so it came back.  I ignored it again, so it came back, until it manifested in a way that was strong enough to get my attention.

Lying in my bed I thought, since 'disappointment' is not that far outside the vortex (see the Vibrational Scale) I can Take the Bounce, or tune myself to the opposite of 'disappointment'.
What word can I think of that seems to be the opposite of disappointed?  Delighted. Thrilled.

I said the words in my mind a few times.  I easily thought about how those words feel.
Then images came into my mind of past experiences that felt delightful and thrilling.
Lying in my bed, I could feel thrilled by focusing on those past experiences.
I continued to focus in that way for maybe 10 minutes.  One, because it felt great, and two because I wanted to make certain I had changed the channel.
I then naturally started feel so appreciative of the experience of having my blog post erased!
It's fun to go from disappointed to thrilled!  It's like riding a wave on a surfboard.

By the way, the check I had wanted to arrive at a certain time in a certain way showed up in cash.
The $100 coupons were honored in spite of having been expired for 5 months.
I slept a magnificent 11 hours straight last night.

Also, a valuable overriding lesson to me is to let Law of Attraction do its thing without trying to have so much control over how or when I want things to happen. 
Life is so good.

My Thought Bank

Every day, I gather beautiful images, fun conversations, positive manifestations, funny quotes, moments that feel amazing, compliments, etc, for my Thought Bank.

I use my Thought Bank every day to either get back into the vortex when I'm out, or to goose feeling good into feeling even better.

Consequently, because I have a huge repertoire of thoughts to draw upon, it's so easy to feel good.
Also, the act of looking for items to "bank" makes me look for things to appreciate, which makes my day automatically geared toward feeling good.

I don't need happy circumstances to observe in order to feel good because I have my thoughts with me at all times, no matter what the circumstance.
Consequently, because I spend so much time either feeling good or trying to feel good, my world reflects good feeling-circumstances.

How Does it Work?

Law of Attraction is working and effecting everything all the time whether you know it or not, whether you understand it or not, whether you believe it or not, whether you use it on purpose or not.
And it's a very amazing and wonderful thing.

Everything is energy, including thoughts.

If you think of energy vibrating on different frequencies (as you know sound waves do, light waves do, radio waves do, etc) you can get an idea of how energies are attracted to their own frequency.

If you think of your brain as a receiver/transmitter and that your thoughts are on different specific frequencies, like on a radio dial, you can begin to understand why, if you're thinking thoughts of worry, you're attracting more thoughts of worry.  Conversely, if you're thinking thoughts of appreciation, more thoughts of appreciation (and happiness and joy, which are the same frequency) pour into your mind.  (see the Vibrational Scale)

Thoughts create things.  All things are vibrational before they're physical.  Everything that you see and hear and taste and touch now, existed in vibrational form before they 'manifested.'

What manifests in your life is always a vibrational match to the majority of your thoughts on that subject.  Your thoughts may get more or less optimistic on a subject, but it's the chronic nature of your thoughts that attract its match.

You have set-points of thought/frequency, which are specific to particular subjects, such as relationships, health, money, work, home.  For instance, you can feel chronically worried or frustrated about money, but mostly enthusiastic about your relationships.  You love your home, but work is overwhelming.

When the majority of your thoughts about money are worry, you attract more circumstances that make you feel worried.
When you feel enthusiastic about your relationships, they just get better and better.  When you feel mostly overwhelmed about work, it gets even more chaotic and lacking in time and resources.

The big paradigm shift that lets you create your life the way you want it, rather than you reacting to things you don't want..... is this: 
You have control over your set-points.  All you have to do is change the channel.

How do you do that?
Think a thought (on that subject that has you upset) which makes you feel a little better.  Any thought that feels better is on a higher vibrational 'channel.'  Just starting the ball rolling toward feeling better will carry you to feeling better still.
Then do it again after seeing something else you don't want.

You feel a little better about it. You feel a sense of relief. Now what?
Either keep going with the good-feeling trend by doing a Focus Wheel exercise (Tools) to raise your feelings on the subject higher still,
or
Stop thinking about it for now.  Remember, you've shifted the vibration upward on the subject by making yourself feel better, so you are already no longer a match to the problem.

How do I stop thinking about it?  I keep seeing reminders of it.
Remind yourself that everything is energy.  The problem you're observing is actually a manifestation of how you used to feel about it. What's coming now is a match to the opposite of what you were feeling. (an energy wave, like a sound wave, has two equal and opposite sides)

How long does it take to see the manifestation of the opposite of the problem?
Only as long as it takes you to allow yourself to feel that good. A vibrational match.
For instance, if you have a situation that makes you feel worried or afraid about money, the opposite of that feeling is secure, confident, eager, abundant. 
If you can think of the subject of money and automatically feel eager, enthusiastic, stable, you are a match to the manifestation of financial security and abundance.

The manifestation happens when the tipping point is reached; when the majority of your feelings on the subject are a match to the opposite of the feelings you had about the problem.

How can I go from feeling worried and afraid to feeling secure and abundant without first seeing any physical evidence of change?
Thought comes first, change comes second.
You change your feelings just like a radio dial, in increments.
Increments of thought.  You can't jump from one extreme to another in one thought.  It takes the simple, determined intention to feel a little better, then a little better, better, all the way up the dial.

You want the improved circumstance in order to feel better.  Make yourself feel better for the sake of feeling better.
And you will see steady improvement in circumstacnes as you feel better.

But first, in order to make the trip up the dial, you have to make peace with where you are. 
There's no shame in being in a situation that feels worrisome or in feeling sad or depressed or overwhelmed. 
It's all just energy, and it is what it is in this moment.
In fact, you will get to the point where you will become so appreciative of the intensity of the problem, because the bigger the problem, the bigger the solution. (opposite ends of the energy wave, remember?)

That's the nutshell version of how Law of Attraction works.
Did it answer questions?  Did it make more questions?

Admit How You Feel

I had a little tantrum this morning.  It was so awesome!

My family had left for work and school and I awoke to several messes that they had left.
As I was cleaning up, I tried to get into my usual mode of bliss, but I kept noticing that I was mumbling little complaints about these messes.

After 20 minutes and several attempts to make myself feel better, I began to feel like I had no control over the bubbling cauldron of thoughts that kept coming up.  Then I had and epiphany!
I said to myself, "Well let's just get mad, shall we?"  (apparently I speak to myself in the royal 'we')

I then let loose with all the things I wanted to say about how inconsiderate and lazy and and thoughtless these people are being.  I went on a tirade, as if they were there, saying "What is this, a frat house?  Am I your maid?"  Yeah, real zingers, I know, but it felt so good to unleash on them!

After a little while, I started getting thoughts like, "I'm glad I have a family to pick up after.  They really aren't so bad.  They really are very thoughtful and sweet and I love then so much."
I eventually got to, "I really like the physical movement of cleaning up.  I love the sense of satisfaction I get in seeing my beautiful house looking shiny and clean and beautiful again."

I felt so much better!  And I no longer felt the desire to yell at or try to control anybody.

I also realized those feelings had been building for a little while and wasn't acknowledging them.  Even yesterday, while I was driving I kept noticing inconsiderate drivers.  I never, ever see inconsiderate drivers, but I had been gathering 'inconsiderate' thoughts so that was what I noticed.

What a wonderful feeling it was to give myself permission to really feel an emotion and then let it go naturally.  It took no effort to make myself feel better after I vented those feelings.  And I did it without anyone there!  I didn't need to make anyone understand or make anyone do anything to make me feel better.  That's my job, not theirs.

What I know about Law of Attraction is that the more I focus on the considerate, kind, thoughtful nature of my family, the more they magically be that way.

What You Really Want

You want things.  A new car, a house, a relationship, a bunch of money, a job, a vacation, a change, a child, a business deal, physical health, your preferred body weight, a PhD....

In every case, you want that thing because... you think you will feel better when you have it.

You want to feel good.  You want to feel that way because that's what it feels like to be yourself.  It's natural.

What you really want: is to feel secure, comfortable, loving, worthy, happy, fun-loving, spontaneous, uplifting, confident, relaxed, unlimited, generous, gregarious, energetic, eager, creative, connected, inspired, empowered, adventurous...comfortable in your own skin.

But how you feel is based always and only upon what you think.


Think about what that means.
If you don't feel good, eager, interested, most of the time now, it's because you are looking at reasons why you don't feel that way.  Then you're looking for circumstances to change in order to feel better.  But you can't change circumstances without changing how you feel first.

Oh, you can move things around to change things, but the negative feelings you had before will still be there.  And the new circumstance will reflect that.

However, if you train yourself to stop worrying, to stop focusing on what you don't like, you'll naturally feel good without changing any circumstance.  And then the circumstance will change.

All of those things you want are the juice of life!  Wanting unlimitedness.and different and more and better is what humans do best.

By the way, you can live in a castle in Italy and feel miserable.  You can have a prince and feel miserable.  You can have a fortune in your bank account and feel miserable.  You can have a perfect body and feel miserable. You can have your fantasy company materialize and create your every whim and feel miserable.

Believe me, I know!  I've experienced all of that!  It's not the circumstance that makes you feel good, it's what you think about.

What you really want is to feel good.
You have that power in every minute of every day, no matter what the circumstance.  I'm not exaggerating or even suggesting you need to give up on having anything you want.

What you really want is to realize the world is a focusing smorgasborg.  You have the power.  You can choose to focus on something that feels bad or you can choose to focus on something that feels better.
Everything in your life is reflecting what you think. Always. Consequently, when you feel good, good things happen.

When you know all the power is in your thoughts, you have a sense of power and joy and unlimitedness, which leads to tangible, manifested experiences of power and joy and unlimitedness.

Kids As Teachers

This post was inspired by a conversation I had tonight with someone who has one of these amazing kids.
Mine has been a fantastic teacher.

My 9-year-old son has been labeled 'gifted' and 'autistic,' but I've come to realize those labels really mean he's extraordinarily sensitive.  And I've come to understand and massively appreciate he was born that way on purpose. 
Lesson #1: people are here to experience physical life in their own way.

His natural, physical vibrational sensors are extra sensitive to smell and to sound and to visual input and to tactile objects and food (which manifests as hypoglycemia).

But he is also much more aware of how others feel.  He gets vibrational cues from thoughts (of others and of himself) and he feels his response to thoughts (as feelings--- feelings are the vibrational interpretation of thoughts--) acutely.

He has the ability to read my thoughts (and others, too), and he says them out loud regularly.   He doesn't do it on purpose, he just picks up on them if they're on the same vibrational wavelength he's on.

Lesson #2: Thoughts are things and they are similar to radio signals which are on different frequencies.

When anything goes awry and he feels bad in any way, he takes it very hard.  However, when he feels good (which is most of the time now), he feels very, very good.

We, as parents, have had to learn to leave him alone to let him feel negative exaggerated responses.  As long as we provide him with food and a safe, loving environment, we've learned to let him work it out.  Because one, there's nothing we can (or should) do, and two, any amount of interference just prolongs the emotional episode. 

Lesson #3: Positive expectation of others' well-being uplifts them.

He has become adept at making himself feel better.  What's most wonderful about that is that he knows he is the one who has control over how he feels.  And the more control he has over his feelings, the more powerful he feels.

He has a myriad of techniques to feel better.  The quickest and most effective of which is to stick his head out the window of a moving car!

Lesson #4: Everyone has his own method to feel better, and there is no timeline required.

Now I understand the reason for leaving him alone with an emotional (thought)struggle: when you observe someone who's out of the vortex (feeling bad) and you try to help them, you just amplify the feeling they're having.

Lesson 5:  There is nothing wrong with being out of the vortex (feeling bad).  You, or they, are simply 'asking' for an improved situation more intensely, which only results in a more specific positive outcome.

Let's back up a little to give you some background about our awesome kid.
Early on we gathered that he was different in that he had a rich inner life.  He wanted to be alone and he wanted to play by walking and talking to himself. 
We chose a Montessori kindergarten because we thought it would give him more physical movement and tactile options with which to learn.

His teacher thought there was something wrong with him because he always wanted to have something in his mouth, like a paper clip, and he wanted to spend the day flying imaginary jets around his body. He didn't want to participate or listen to the class discussion.
But when he was tested on the subjects discussed in class, he could answer all the questions correctly.
Lesson #6:  Everyone learns differently.

We had him tested for a 'gifted' school, and he scored in the 98th percentile.
We transferred him, and this school let him have a lot of freedom, which he loved.  His teacher understood who he really was and that it was okay that he was different.  1st grade was very successful. 

His 2nd grade teacher thought his inability to sit still and listen and do the written work on command was unacceptable.  She sent him out of the room as punishment.  Consequently, every day for the first 2 weeks of 2nd grade he was wandering around the school campus.

His 1st-grade teacher saw the problem and volunteered to allow him in her 1st-grade classroom as a 2nd-grader.  That year he had the psychological hurdle to overcome of being a 2nd-grader in a 1st-grade classroom.  He managed brilliantly.  I'll have to say also,  I had to first make peace with the idea of his ability to handle it.

As it so happened, that same teacher then became a third-grade teacher, and low and behold, he had her for the third year in a row.

He did fine in terms of testing, but he didn't do class work and he didn't do homework.  And I began to see that he was bored.

Lesson #7:  While in the vortex, ideas that occur to you are good ideas.

This year, for 4th grade, I had a wild idea to transfer him (and his twin brothers) to another school in order to shake things up.  This school is an accelerated school, which means the curriculum is really at least a year or more ahead of the grade.  It also meant, little did we know,  that they would be given loads and loads of homework.

(I relayed this in an earlier post, but I'll repeat it here for continuity)
For the first few weeks of school, the teacher literally yelled at me because of Paris' lack of attention in class and for his absence of homework.  I nodded politely, knowing any conversation with an angry person would have no good outcome. 

Lesson #8:  Don't give a rip about what other people think of you.
His teacher clearly thought I was shirking my responsibility to 'make' my child do his homework. 

Lesson #9:  You can't control other people (including your own kids)
Any amount of threat or bribery or rationalization to cajole someone into doing something is simply conditional love.  "If you do this thing I will feel better."  (my happiness is conditional upon your actions)
And no, you can't justify it by saying it's for the kid's happiness, because you're still asking for an outcome that will make you feel better.

Lesson #10:  Make peace with what is
This is by far the most important lesson there is to learn, and is really a requirement in order to achieve any of the preceding lessons. Or anything you want, for that matter.

I made a conscious decision to stay out of it.  I had been harboring plans to say things or do things to make Paris' life easier, and I had been harboring venomous thoughts toward the angry teacher, but I decided those thoughts were about taking action to solve a problem rather than changing my thoughts about it.

I decided to make peace with it.  That meant I said things to myself that made me feel better about the situation.  I said to myself that Paris was encountering these challenges for a reason.  I realized that he was on a path that is uniquely his own.  I acknowledged that he didn't need me (or even want me) to feather his nest for him.  
I also realized that the teacher was learning from Paris just as I had.  That thought made me very happy!

The very day after I had made that happy resolution within myself, the teacher texted us to say Paris was suddenly paying attention in class.
He began doing homework every night without prompting.
By the end of the next week he was awarded Student of the Week.

High vibration trumps low vibration.  Someone who's in the vortex is more powerful than millions who are not. 
My high expectation of my son's well-being became a visceral feeling to him, which influenced his true self:  interested, invigorated, passionate about learning, open, happy.
I had also made a point to think appreciative thoughts about his teacher.

Lesson #11:  Making lists of positive aspects about a person attracts those aspects to your every encounter.

I'm sure there are  more lessons my son has taught me, and will continue to teach me.
And by the way, everything that happens in your life is an opportunity to learn.

answer to a question

"How can I help someone "believe" or "understand" when I see that person is unable to hear the answer?
The first step is to think about her when you are not with her. Your belief in her well-being, no matter what her own perception of herself, is the uplifting fulcrum you provide. There need not be any words, because she can't hear them, but simply your unwavering understanding of what she really wants (and is hers, since you know she has asked and has therefore already created...)

The second step, when you're with her and hearing her pain is to accept and appreciate that she is where she is, and you need not FEEL the problem with her in order to make her feel understood. It's an important part of her experience. She wouldn't appreciate the improvement if she had not felt the lack of it.
When you observed her discomfort, you naturally got spat out of the vortex.
Return to the vortex. If you need to excuse yourself from the room for a moment in order to do so, then you should do so. In the vortex you KNOW she's fine. When someone is in the presence of someone who knows of their well-being, the recipient of that knowing benefits by it.

Here's the important point: The other person's well-being is assured, whether she knows it or not.
She'll be led toward her own best interest, whether she's aware of it or not. Everyone is here for the experience of physical life and for the joy of figuring it out on their own.

When people ask questions of you, they're almost ready for the answer. If they don't hear it right now, that's okay. There's no danger to them and you haven't failed.

Readers' Questions

I have a request for you Readers.
When I have one-on-one consultations with people, the most extraordinary thing happpens.
When he or she asks the question (or poses a problem), the answer, which has been created by the questioner but isn't available to them because the asker is still on the vibration of the question, is immediately apparent to me. In other words, I relay the answer because i'm not caught up in the question. (The question and the answer are opposite vibrations).

My request is for readers to ask questions based on a real, current experiences.
The questions can be posted as comments on the blog or as messages through Facebook, or direct email (my address is listed on FB). They can be anonymous if you like.

Exercise Your Focus, Practical Applications

In response to those who requested more information on how to focus deliberately:

In Exercise Your Focus (part 1) and also in The Joy of Focus,  I talked about the powerlessness of needing existing circumstances alone to focus upon in order to feel good.  (" I got praise at work today," "My boyfriend sent me a card," "This show is funny," "This vacation spot makes me feel relaxed," "I lost 3 pounds," "I got a new client...")

All those thoughts are positive and wonderful and are tuning you to the vibration of who you really are.  That's all very good.  But what happens tomorrow?... when your boss criticizes you, or your boyfriend leaves you, or there's nothing on TV, or your vacation is over, or you gain 7 pounds, or you lose your job?

What about the rest of your day when you're filling your brain with passive, responsive thoughts....  reading or watching TV or listening to the radio or talking to someone or focusing on accomplishing a task ....  Nothing wrong with any of those things.  Unless it's the only way you focus.

Not to mention the powerlessness of observing circumstances that don't feel good and then staying in that state (replaying a conversation you didn't like, thinking about how to control someone else's behavior, regretting something you did....)

If you believe you need existing circumstances to observe in order to make you feel good, you will try to control circumstances.  And that can't be done from a physical/action point of view. 
Also, just observing circumstances and responding to them sets up a passive, not powerful, way of life.
And, as you focus on problems, regrets, irritations, you are attracting more thoughts that match those thoughts.  And you're attracting more situations that match those thoughts.

In that frame of mind you are at the mercy of (seemingly) random circumstances.

Your real joy lies in the intentional direction of your thought toward appreciation (of anything or anyone) and love (you feel about anything or anyone) and fun (you have had or plan to have) and adventure (you have had or plan to have) and dreams (of future experiences) and happy memories. 

Throughout your day, many times a day, when you're going to sleep, waking up, taking a shower, driving, cooking, doing the dishes, taking a walk, taking a break between clients or TV shows, sitting outside, sewing a hem, working out, waiting on hold, vacuuming, walking the dog, taking out the trash, .... or, oddly, sitting still doing nothing....

That valuable time is the time to intentionally think of something nice.  Think of a fun conversation you had, or an experience that felt good, or an experience you want to have, or the current absence of pain in your body, or the reasons you like someone, or the reasons you like your house, or the reasons you like your job, or the reasons you like  your relationship, or the reasons you like the book you're reading.
That little bit of intentional direction of positive thought is more powerful than any merger or any business deal or any action you could take about anything.

The way to focus deliberately (and to create your life deliberately) is outlined in the following way:
(I've said these things before, but this is a never-before outline of a day-to-day plan)

A good head start is to wake up feeling good.  The only way to wake up feeling good is to go to bed feeling good.

1) When you go to bed and you are lying in your bed, focus on something to appreciate.  The easiest thing is the most general, like the softness of your pillow or temperature of the room or the sound of something soothing.
And/Or, focus on something that feels good. A memory, a fantasy, a person, an event.
Or focus on words that feels good.  Start with "A" and think of a good-feeling word that starts with "A".  Go through the alphabet.  Do any or all these things until you fall asleep.

2) Also, before you fall asleep, state an intention to remember your dreams.  They're so amazing!

3) As you awaken, ask yourself if there were any dreams you remember.  Regardless of the content, ask yourself how the dream felt.  If it felt good, revel in it.  If it felt bad, revel in the excitement of revealing it's secrets later! (make some notes if you're not sure you will remember later). If you have no memory, revel in the fact that there are no big issues to examine.

4) Stay in your bed, stretch, make yourself comfortable, and focus on appreciative thoughts for a few moments.  Think of anything at all in the present moment or in your life in general that you can appreciate.  In a state of appreciation, you are in the vortex.  Intend to enjoy your day.

5)While you brush your teeth, listen to the sound of brushing your teeth.  That moment of absense of thought atunes you to what a naturally high vibration feels like.  Often the thoughts that come to you now are great-feeling thoughts.  Or original ideas!

6) During your day, when something occurs that you do not like, (called 'contrast,') your immediate goal is to look at the problem from another perspective and make yourself feel better.  Feel better by ignoring the unwanted circumstance, OR by telling yourself something soothing about that subject. 

You will encounter something ('contrast') that spits you out of the vortex (the state of feeling good) a few times or several times or many times in one day.  Don't be surprised or alarmed by this!

Making yourself feel better, either in general or about a subject in particular, is much simpler than you may imagine.
Example:
Let's say you're at work and you get a call from a crucial client who is unhappy and demanding a meeting to resolve a seemingly unresolvable issue.
That spits you out of the vortex.  Of course it does!  That's what 'contrast' is supposed to do!

What to do now:  Tell yourself that whatever happens will benefit you.  Remind yourself that you are good at what you do.  Let go of any outcome.  If the account goes away, it wasn't a match to you or your company.  That's enough.  It will be immediately replaced by a better account.  If the account stays, that's fine too.

Example:
Let's say you get a flat tire on the way to work. Not only that, your cell phone is dead. You immediately feel a variety of worries: 
The people gathering for the meeting you are headed to will be angry that you are late.  They came from out of town and will not be here for long.  You can't call to let them know.
You can't call to get the auto service to fix your tire without a phone. 
You think if you miss the meeting the opportunity for their business will be gone.
You're in a skirt and high heels and you don't know how to change a tire.  (No judgement, guys.)

What to do now:  Tell yourself that "what is happening just is.  No amount of worry will change that.  Everyone will understand.  If this meeting doesn't happen there will be others.  Someone will eventually stop and lend me a phone.  Business is not going to collapse because of one missed meeting.  I'm fine.  This is not such a big deal."
Just then a motorist pulls over to offer help.  He changes your tire for you and you have the funniest half hour of conversation on the side of the road.  You even exchange phone numbers to get together another time.  You think, "What a nice guy!  I'm so glad I met him.  I'm so glad I got the opportunity to see what real people and real situations are like when I miss a meeting!"

Follow these basic intentions to feel good; One, after exposure to contrast, and Two, during as many quiet moments as you can make during the day.
The result will be that you feel so much better!  And then the things that you attract into your life will be better and better.

The Joy of Focus

I've had a surprisingly enlightening and beneficial experience I'd like to share with you.
I had a dream that a huge rattlesnake was about to bite my face and I was paralyzed with fright and unable to move away.
I awoke with vivid feelings of utter powerlessness.

What on earth? I can't believe I have anything close to powerless feelings in my life, let alone powerless feelings that were repetitive enough to manifest in a dream.

I thought about my recent emotional life and could admit that I hadn't been feeling great for the last couple of weeks. Great is how I normally feel, so "not great" is quite a departure for me.

I could pinpoint a sense of boredom, which, any way you slice it, is out of the vortex.  But that's not powerlessness...

I noticed I had been filling my days with seemingly enjoyable activities: hiking while listening to seminars on my iPod, cleaning house while listening to seminars on my iPod, watching uplifting TV like Ellen and Funniest Home Videos, but also "interesting" TV, like Real Housewives and Project Runway which have lots of stress and drama, also time was spent reading fun, humorous books.
Why, while I was doing all these things I enjoyed did I end up feeling powerless?
Because I had left out time for intentional thought, and by doing so I had relinquished my power.

During that 2 weeks, I found myself feeling "not good" repeatedly.  Since I'm so accustomed to feeling good, feeling "not good" feels absolutely awful to me.

I had begun to question my current ability to focus myself into feeling good.  Because, one, I had been relying on (relinquishing my power to) things to see and hear and experience to feel good, and two, I didn't feel so good.
Also, the more I felt bad, the more I noticed my seeming inability to feel good in a sustained way again which resulted in frustration, then impatience, then self-criticism.

By the way, as you keep expanding every day, by noticing things you don't want and launching new preferences, you have to keep up with that expansion.  The only way to keep up with expansion is by intentional focused thoughts that make you feel good.

My time was filled with thinking passively in response to what I was hearing or seeing.  I was still intending to do only those things that felt good, but I had gradually begun to rely on observing things that felt good rather than generating my own thoughts.  I hadn't really noticed that the feeling that kept arising was boredom.  Boredom is the outside the vortex. (see the Vibrational Scale)

And because I'm a bit of an overachiever, I was kicking my own ass for being outside the vortex.  That's a surefire way to make it impossible to get back in.

What I love is that if you ignore a negative emotion, over time it will get bigger until you can't help but notice it.
It wasn't until I had a petrifying dream of complete powerlessness that I noticed the pattern of relinquishing control of directed thought, boredom, discomfort, more discomfort...

That dream was such a gift.  Thank you for telling me that I had slipped into a pattern of being led by the nose by things I was observing, then becoming self-critical and powerless over how I was feeling!

I had decided I would stop watching TV or reading or listening to tapes every hour in order to do something quiet for the next hour to exercise my thoughts toward appreciation and love and passion and wonder and desires.

Then something wonderful happened.  As soon as I made that decision, the cable went out.  For two days I was in a blissful state.  I still read for an hour here or there, I still listened to tapes for a little while here and there, but for the majority of the time I got to get reacquainted with the power and thrill of my own thoughts.

"adults don't have fun"

My 8-yr-old-son said that his classroom today was talking about parents.
He said, "My mom is 46 (his brother yelled, "no, 48!" Actually 49, but who's counting?), but she looks 27."
I believe what he means is that I feel 27 to him. He had told me on more than one occasion that if he has a choice, he'd rather not be a grownup because they don't have fun anymore.(except for me)
His oldest brother is 27, and he equates that age with playfulness and silliness and presence in the moment that grumpy grownups don't have.

If I have truly taught him that joy is a choice, I'm complimented beyond measure.
If I teach him nothing else, I'll be satisfied.

You Create Your Own Reality

You, as a physical expression of non-physical energy, are a perceiving machine. You are a sensory interpreter of vibration. And everything is vibration.
You observe, then interpret, meaning you have a thought about it and a feeling response to the thought. The feeling response feels either good or less than good. If it feels not good, you have automatically and subconsciously 'asked' for improvement. In that same moment, the very improvement you want has been vibrationally created.

Whether it's an improved relationship, more money, a circumstance, it now exists vibrationally. Everything that currently exists was vibrational first.
The thing you just created by your 'asking' is you creating your own reality.

The question is, will you allow your new creation to become a physical, seeable, touchable, spendable addition to your reality?

Here's the thing that prevents you from receiving that creation:
You think the unwanted circumstance determines how you feel.

Whenever you observe something you do not want (or the absence of something you do want) you are always knocked out of the vortex. (see the Vibrational Scale)  That is the natural function of your physical sensory interpreting machine that is you in physical form.

Your job then is to make yourself feel better.
As you go through your day, you observe, get knocked out of the vortex, make yourself feel better; observe, get knocked out, make yourself feel better; observe, get knocked out, make yourself feel better.

As you exercise that focusing muscle, it gets easier and easier and easier to do. It is deceptively easy. All you really have to do is stop focusing on what you don't want, or on the absence of what you do want.

Most people believe that the circumstance is responsible for making them feel bad, therefore the circumstance must change.
It is NOT the circumstance that is making you continue to feel bad, it is the fact that you feel bad that is making you feel bad.

Hear this: In continuing to feel bad about something, you are literally splitting the vibration within you.  What you have created is vibrationally a match to who you now have expanded to become, and your attention to the unwanted circumstance is a very different frequency than the one you just created. There is a physical sensation within your body that feels in a range from uncomfortable all the way to painful: That sensation is negative emotion.

When you redirect your attention to a thought that makes you feel a little better; you have focused on a thought that is on a higher vibration, and therefore moving toward the higher vibration of your new creation.
You feel a sense of relief. You've lessened the vibrational rift within you and you have opened the gate to allow that new creation to show up in your life.
That is creating your own reality.

ANY intentional movement toward your new creation is where all your creative power lies.

Permission to Act When You are Ready

Any action taken while out of the vortex is counterproductive.
However, any decision you make can be the right decision if you make yourself feel good about the decision (getting in the vortex on that subject).

Here's an example:

When I was offered the chance to get to know my friend's horse in order to take care of the horse while my friend is on vacation, I was in the vortex and I accepted the offer with enthusiasm.

I'm an accomplished rider and have had the opportunity to ride hundreds of horses.  Riding had become thought-less, instinctive, easy, exhilarating.

This horse offered unique challenges that required focus on physical alignment I was not familiar with.  And many wonderful, expanding lessons!

One day I went to my lesson while feeling physically limited (another post about that!).  I had had about 2 hours of sleep the night before and felt slightly unwell.  Meaning out of the vortex.
I spent the lesson focusing on my lumbar spine and the horse's lumbar spine and my latissimus dorsi and vertical planes and level shoulders and inflated ribcage and placement of her right hind in relation to my right shoulder....  I got lost in feelings of confusion and pessimism then doubt then anger then inadequacy.  All. The. Way. Down. The. Vibrational. Scale.

Joni, in her natural way of being, lured me back up.  But I had a slippery hold on confidence.

During the intervening week, I had a feeling of dread about the next lesson.  I didn't want to feel that bad again.  And I didn't want to piss the horse off.

The night before my next lesson, I got a headache (which never happens!) and I awoke in the middle of the night feeling fitful and uncomfortable.  I knew it was because I was feeling obligation to go to the lesson, and fear of things I felt I couldn't control.

I told myself that I would postpone the lesson if I could not get myself back into the vortex by morning.  I knew that going forward with action while out of the vortex is counterproductive.
That decision got me off the hook in terms of time.  I knew I could make myself feel better, but I had been feeling the pressure of time to get it done.

Small relief.

While lying awake in bed, I knew I was dealing with the bottom of the scale.  Powerlessnes, inadequacy, worthiness.
I worked myself back up the scale; getting mad, then overwhelmed, then frustrated, then hopeful, then appreciative.
It only takes a few minutes for me because I am incredibly motivated and also very well-practiced with the scale.

I realized that trying to control the situation was knocking me out of the vortex, which in turn made communication with the horse impossible.
My doubt became her doubt, her confusion became my confusion, my insecurity became her insecurity. 

After working up the scale the night before, during the drive to her house I made sure I was in the vortex by appreciating the drive and the weather and my husband....  Then I thought about the lesson.  I established my intention: To ride in the vortex. (As a result I would ride with confidence and connection.)
I imagined that connection and how it felt.

During the ride, I focused on faith in myself, relaxation, expectation of connection, expectation of benefitting from the experience, and release of control.

The result was the ride felt amazing.  It felt connected. I didn't try to make it happen. The horse responded with surprising ease.  When she feel out of sync I could bring myself back easliy and she responded.

Here's the point about making decisions. 
A decision made (and action taken) while in the vortex is the right decision.
A decision made out of obligation or out of a need to feel better or in spite of negative emotion will simply exaggerate the negative emotion.
If I had gone ahead with the lesson without making myself feel better first, the lesson would have made me feel even more powerless.
However, if I had not made myself feel better and declined the lesson for that day, I would have congratulated myself on recognizing the importance of lining up energy first.

Exercise Your Focus

You've decided you want to feel good more than anything.  You've been practicing!
You've been successful at finding things to appreciate which make you feel good.

You know when you feel good, and now, more than ever, you notice when you don't feel good. 

It's time to graduate to the next level of focus.

You must learn to feel good from your thoughts alone, not just from things you are observing that feel good.

There's nothing wrong with focusing on circumstances that feel good.  Keep it up.  Don't stop doing that.
However, you need more than that.  What happens when the circumstance changes?  You can't become dependent upon what you observe, because you have no control over circumstances. 
Circumstances always change, always for your benefit.  (much more about that later)
But if you believe you need to have pleasant circumstances to observe in order to feel good, you will try to control those circumstances!  (and we know how that turns out)

Let's illustrate an example:
You've met someone, and you're in love.
Every time you see her you feel amazing.  Every time you think about her you feel so much love and appreciation.  Your days are better.  Your outlook is bright.  You are eager.  You are buoyant.
Then she breaks up with you.
You feel so much pain.  You feel so sad.  You feel powerless.  You feel sad not just because of the current moment, but also because you believe you will continue to feel sad, and you believe you have no control over that. 

Here's the truth:  you feel so bad because your perception is waaay out of whack.

When you are in love, you are focused on someone in appreciation.  This is a state of being that is Who You Really Are.  Fantastic.
When you are in love, you are looking at yourself through her appreciative eyes.  This is a state of being that is Who You Really Are.  Sublime.
When you are thinking about her, you are not worrying.  You're in the vortex.  All is well.
When you are thinking about her, people are nicer to you.  You see positive manifestations.

Not to diminish being in love in any way, and I recommend it for everyone!.... The real reason you feel so good is because you feel good about yourself, and about life in general, and about people, and about your well-being.  That's what it feels like to be in the vortex.

Here's the lesson:  Pay attention!: The vortex is your thoughts.  Period.

Your task now is to make yourself feel good by yourself, sitting in a chair. Or standing.  Or lying down.  Or walking. Or driving. Whatever.
This is not meditation. Meditation is Absence of Thought. This is Brain Exercise. This is Focus.

In this task you are not accomplishing anything tangible that someone else can observe and appreciate or respond to.  You are not earning money. You are not receiving positive attention.  (I should say, you are not doing any of those things in a way that you can see now, but you are doing ALL those things vibrationally)

Your goal is to feel in love.  Appreciative.  Eager.  In love with you.  Limitless.  In love with life.  Jolly.  Adventurous.  Fearless.  Friendly.  Helpful.  Energetic....

If a subject has your attention (let's stick with the loss of a girlfriend) and you are feeling a sense of powerlessness (aka: sad or self-critical, or simply without a sense of control) you will find it impossible to feel appreciation or love or eagerness or even hope on that subject.

BTW, if any subject has you feeling strong negative emotion, like powerlessness, and you ignore it, meaning you don't make yourself feel better on that subject, more and more circumstances will occur in your life that make you feel powerless.

Like a radio dial, thoughts are on different frequencies.  You have no access to thoughts on a frequency that are far from the one you are on.

You also have no access to what you really want if you stay tuned to a negative frequency.  (Everything that manifests in your life is a perfect vibrational match to your chronic thoughts)

The nearest upward vibration is Jealousy.  Yes, Jealousy feels better than sadness.  Jealousy is full of energy.  Sadness and powerlessness feel devoid of energy.
If you don't feel jealous, skip it.  If you do, grab it!
The frequency that is the farthest up the Scale you can leap from sadness or inadequacy or powerlessness or guilt or depression is Anger. 

The trek up the vibrational scale means you feel progressively better and better as you think thoughts that feel better.
Anger feels much better than sadness.  It gives you some of your power back., which feels so much better that powerlessness.  Blame feels better still.  Revenge is life-giving!

Keep in mind, you are by yourself.  You are only thinking thoughts of anger, not acting upon them. 
Think of a reason to be angry at the girl who dumped you.  It doesn't matter whether it's justified or fair or particularly rational. It only matters that you actually feel angry at her or at someone related to the circumstance (NOT YOU) for a moment.
It's important to note here that anger is an improvement on thoughts of sadness, but it is not an improvement on thoughts of disappointment or pessimism, for instance.  Those emotions are much higher in frequency, so anger would be going in the wrong direction on the vibrational scale.
You know that if a thought gives you a sense of relief you are headed in the right direction.

If you find a thought of anger and it feels pretty good, think of a thought of less anger, or jump up to a thought of blame if you can.  Then it should be easy to find a thought of frustration.  Better still.
Keep going.  Contentment is a state of acceptance of the way things are, with no resistance.  Making peace with what is.  The farther you go up the Vibrational Scale, the less pronounced the feelings of relief, but you should still be reaching for relief.   This is not pretend.  These are not just words.  These thoughts are actually changing how you really feel and changing your point of attraction.

Contentment to Optimism to Belief to Appreciation.  You can get that far in 20 minutes.  Or a week if you prefer to linger in the intoxicating juice of blame or revenge.  Again, these are thoughts that benefit you if you are pulling yourself out of powerlessness.  They are not plans to act upon!

When you realize you can feel good under any circumstance, you begin to get a glimpse of how powerful and limitless you really are.

As I've said before, watch what happens!

Controlling the Uncontrollable

You can't control the uncontrollable.  And everything is uncontrollable.

You try to control the behavior of your kids.
You try to control the behavior of your employees.
You try to control your mate.
You try to control how others feel about you.
You try to control your personal security.
You try to control your 'limited' resources.
You try to control your freedom.

None of those things are controllable by your worries or by your actions.

All of these things become exaggerated by your attention to them, or by your awareness of lack of control in general.

Conversely, all of these things take care of themselves when you control the only thing you can control:  Your emotions.; aka;  your mood,  your perceptions,  your state of mind.

How do you control emotions, mood, perceptions, state of mind....?
Decide you want to.

More Why?.... Irritation

Why should I bother adjusting such a minor, normal, frequent negative emotion like irritation? 

You think:
Irritation is the fuel behind my words to others to get them to change their behavior.  (see Unconditional Love, or Controlling the Uncontrollable)

Irritation is my jolt of "rightness," which makes me feel better about myself (because they are wrong, and more importantly, I am right).

Irritation is my Gatling gun of control.

Every minute of every day you are either attracting negative manifestations or positive manifestations depending upon whether you are 'in the vortex' (Hopeful or above) or 'out of the vortex', (Bored or below).

It doesn't matter how minor the negative emotion, you are still attracting negatively. 
Another way to put it;  What you resist persists.

But more importantly to you, you are making positive manifestations inaccessible.

Make peace with whatever irritating thing has your attention.  It is what it is.  You cannot control it.
Once you've made peace you can easily make yourself feel a little better about it.
That's all you have to do. (Several times a day about different subjects at first)

The payoff is:  Now you feel better.
And by the way, then the irritating things magically go away.
And you feel better.

And when you consistently feel better....  watch what happens.

Why?

Why do you want to monitor your feelings and adjust your thoughts to feel good on purpose?
Because that is what you are here for.  (Actually you are here for the purpose of expansion --the inevitable result of your focus on desires -- and for joy--- the result of allowing the solution)

Every consciousness, from a single-celled amoeba to a plant to a human, encounters conditions which inspire a desire for improvement.  That observance of something unwanted (called 'contrast') creates the equal and opposite solution to the problem. (There is far more to be said about how that works, but for the purpose of simplicity we'll leave it at that for now).

What you think about is what you get.  What you believe is proven to you again and again.

Common disincentives to stop focusing on negative thoughts (which upon release would thereby allow positive thoughts): 
(Sheesh: that sounds like a triple negative statement!  In other words: Why do you keep worrying?)

1.) The negative circumstance is so compelling! It is right there. It's 'real.' You can see it and smell it and touch it...  People are talking about it.

2.) Law of Attraction is bringing you thoughts and more circumstances that match the tactile reality of the unwanted situation.

3.) Everyone in your life has taught you to confront problems.  Solve them.  Tackle them.  Overcome them. Fight against them.  Avoid them.  Judge yourself by them.

4.) There is excitement in fighting a problem.  (a false sense of temporary power over circumstances)
Sometimes also known as: drama

5.) The lure of being 'right' is more compelling than letting it go. (lots more about that later)

6.) You don't know you can stop.

7.) You don't know you must do so if you want the joyful life you came for.

Why should I focus my thoughts to feel good?
1.) Because it feels good.
2.) Because it is who you really are. (Free and loving an creative and excited and inspiring and inspired...., as opposed to worried and fearful and guarded and critical...)
3.) Because you will receive the solutions to each and every problem.
4.) Because you will live the unlimited, expansive life you came to lead and experience, exponentially, more improvements for yourself and everyone you encounter.
5.) Because you will inspire others by your example.
6.) Because you will uplift others by your mere presence.
7.) Because it hurts not to.

Focus

A distraught person says, "My mate has left me and I am so sad."   Or "My piano was repossessed, and I am so sad."  Or, 'My dog died, and I am so sad."
You are not sad because you have lost something you love.

You are sad because you are a 'circumstantial' focuser.
You are sad because you rely upon circumstances to make you feel good, and you don't know how to feel good without them.  It is as if you have a reliable crutch, and without the crutch you believe you will fall and suffer great pain.
I understand why you might think there is cause and effect there, but that is not so.

When you focus on your mate and feel his loving gaze, you feel wonderful.
When you focus on playing the piano and feel blissful, you credit the piano.
When you focus on your dog and feel unconditional love, you feel so good.

Pay attention to the very important and distinct difference here:  It is not your mate, it is not the piano, it is not your dog that feels so good.
It is that when you are focused on those things, you are not worrying.  You are being who you really are, which feels fantastic.

Your natural state of being is loving, appreciative, happy... unless you are thinking about something to worry about.

Once you learn how to stop worrying, which means letting go of the idea of controlling people or circumstances and believing in universal well-being, you are no longer at the mercy of ANY outside circumstance.

When you learn how to focus your thoughts on purpose, you will have hundreds of thoughts you can focus on that will bring you back to the natural state of who you really are in a matter of seconds.  Paradoxically, when you don't need things around you to appreciate, you will then be surrounded by more and more things to appreciate.

Once you realize everything that happens is contributing to your well-being, you lose all fear, you feel eager and appreciative, and never, ever at a loss about anything.