Two days ago, Paris (age 11) climbed into the car after school and immediately started hitting Ian (age 10).
I ignored it, seeing that Ian wasn't actually getting hurt, and also seeing that Ian was a willing participant in the brawl.
After he calmed down a little, I tried to tell Paris about handling anger, but he was in no mood to hear it then.
Paris then stuck his head out the window of the car, and by the time we got home, he was commenting on the beauty of the neighborhood trees. (He had made himself feel better by distracting himself)
I knew he had been struggling with his teacher recently, and had manifested a nearly incapacitating sore neck.
The next morning, when he was in a great mood, I said, "Remember a few years ago, when I showed you the Emotional Scale? Like a radio dial, you have to go through some other channels to get to the one you want?"
"Yes, I remember."
"When you're feeling really angry and you want to hit someone, it usually means that, right before then, you were feeling sad. And angry feels way better than sad. That's why you want to hit someone. A better idea would be to plan revenge in your mind, but don't actually do anything about it. It will make you feel better. Then after a while, you'll want to feel better still, so feelings of frustration or irritation will be the next step. Then it's an easy jump to happier feelings."
Last night, he wrote a poem that was an assignment. It had to include these phrases:
"A spoonful of sorrow"
"A touch of delight" and
"A journey of hardship"
Here's what he wrote:
One's emotions are balanced
They exist on a scale
If one is happy, it's balanced
If one feels otherwise, it tips.
Some may teeter back and forth.
A spoonful of sorrow
can send one out of balance.
If one can keep balanced,
one is at peace with Earth.
One's mood is contagious, too
A touch of delight can spread like wildfire.
One has power to balance this.
Some have trouble finding this.
A journey of hardship,
Some might call it.
It's okay to totter a little
It's healthy to let out
Emotion from time to time
One must be balanced
on the teeter-totter of emotion.
He was very happy with that poem. This morning, he said, "I hope my teacher likes it as much as you and I do."
I said, "It's not very likely. He may not get it. That doesn't matter." Paris agreed.
This afternoon, he said his teacher would like him to make it 1/4 page longer.
Then Paris told me something that made me so proud.
He said that last night, before he wrote the poem, he had had a conversation with his stuffed animals.
He told them how angry he was at the teacher for not appreciating his work. (in general)
He said they (he and the stuffed animals) even had a conversation about slavery, and about how the slave owners had tried to make the slaves feel bad about themselves in order to get them to work. He said he felt like his teacher was a slave-owner.
He said that earlier that day, his teacher had assumed he had already begun the poem, and that he, Paris, had felt guilty that he hadn't.
I asked him whether the conversation with his animals had made him feel better, and he said, "Yes, it did!"
And, by the way, his very sore neck was no longer sore.
I pulled out a copy of the Emotional Scale, which is a linear, graded list of emotions encompassing the best feelings at the top of the scale, to the worst feelings at the bottom of the scale. (there's a copy on the blog: marla-livingthelawofattraction.blogspot.com).
I said, "Look, 'guilt' is at the very bottom, and the only way up is through 'anger'. And that's what you did! By yourself!""
He pointed at the scale and said, "Yes! After 'rage' was 'blame'. YES! Then was 'hopefulness'! And 'appreciation'! I felt appreciation for my animals."
This afternoon I said to him that he's learning so much more from a teacher who doesn't get it than from one who does, because it forces him to deal with it and gain so much more self esteem (rather than teacher esteem). He said, "Yes!"
What does this have to do with Law of Attraction?
The law of attraction means that you (you, me, everyone) create your own reality.
When you desire something, and you don't doubt that it can be, it becomes your reality.
I want my kids to thrive. I specifically want them to be fulfilled in themselves. I want them to know they can feel good about themselves, regardless of anyone else's opinion. I want them to know how to maintain their ability to know their own well-being. I want them to feel free to be different, to be pioneers, to feel free of fear, to feel free of judgment, to feel able to feel joy regardless of circumstances.
This freedom is the utmost in security. You can call it faith.
This is what I want to see in my children (and in myself and my husband), and this is what I see. This is my reality.