Kids are born knowing their intrinsic value and unshakable self-worth.
Society then teaches them that they are not worthy until they earn it; through good behavior, good grades, cooperation with rules, and making others happy,.... then later... their looks, their ability to make money, their social skills, etc, etc.
Today I asked our 9-year-old son how his day was at school.
He said, "My day was fine. The teacher had a horrible day."
I cold not have been more proud of him than I was at that moment.
He went on to explain that the teacher started the day not feeling good (meaning he was in a bad mood), then he felt a little better toward the middle of the day, then he felt worse at the end of the day. During the spells of not feeling good, the teacher scolded students, including our son, about their various shortcomings.
My kids have been taught, and shown by example, that when people don't feel good, they tend to look for reasons, and people, to blame for not feeling good. It has nothing to do with the reason the person chooses, and it is not personal.
Since our son had seen the phenomenon with his parents and with his brothers and with himself, he knew it was true. So when his teacher yelled at him for a minor infraction, he did not take it personally and was able to stay in a good mood himself.
He hears what the teacher wants, and is willing to oblige, and he then does those things out of the inspiration of accomplishing the task, not to please the teacher or to make the teacher feel better, or to make the teacher like him, or to earn the grade.
There are not enough ways you can stand on your head to make someone else happy. They have to do it on their own. Attend to your own good mood, and watch what happens.