When my sons were 4, 4, and 5, one of the twins realized he could get a big reaction from his older brother if he poked him and teased him relentlessly until he responded by hitting him.
My biggest hot button was the idea of one of my kids hitting another.
I flew into action and punished the hitter.
The more I tried to control the situation, the more it escalated.
The more it escalated, the more my 5-year-old dug in his heels and refused to cooperate about anything.
He ignored me, argued, hit is brother more.
The more he did that, the more I tried to control him, and the more we butted heads. Every time I looked at him, all I could think about what how mean he was being, and how disrespectful, and ungrateful and unlovable.
I read something about how Law of Attraction brings more of what you focus on.
I also read that thinking of someone with love, attracts the love you really want. When viewed in terms of what I was attracting into my life, not in terms of controlling another's behavior, I took resposibility for having this dynamic with him. He wasn't acting this way around others, only me.
The brother involved was completely in it for fun. He wasn't actually getting hurt or feeling bad about these manufactured fights.
One day, I decided I would look at him with nothing but love.
I thought of real reasons I did love him, apart from his behavior. I thought about how cute he was, and how smart, and I remembered times he was so sweet and loving.
Within ONE HOUR, and from that day forward, his demeanor with me changed entirely. He was suddenly sweet and happy and loving and kind. I had not said one word to him. All I did was change my mind.